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Liberation takes funds

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by psq, Sep 20, 2017.

  1. psq

    psq
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    Many housewives before me have learned the lesson that liberation takes funds. The liberation of starting over alone in a new apartment is still the goal but it just isn’t feasible in this town. In the absence of “suitable”, we end up stuck with the only choice to make. It’s to stay for the cats, to make it work, but it never changes. You talk, rearrange the furniture room by room, buy a couch, talk, wonder if it would’ve been different with him/her/alone, and talk, talk, talk. I dreamed that I had another cat and I watched her being pounced upon by my sweet kitty, while Pep Guardiola sat down in the TV chair. I thought that my relationships fail because I want to be the girl but they fail because I am the girl.
     
  2. Tomás1

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    psq:
    This sounds like the beginning of a short story … but just the teaser 1st paragraph … without much plot development!

    So far it's a little heady … w the furniture, the cats, & the girl thing at the end.

    Consciousness & intelligence does not cost a dime!

    But I get that you're stuck. Can u say more about that… maybe about what u want, & what your experience has been?
     
  3. I'm gay

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    The housewife isn't stuck because of a lack of funds. That's the lie she tells herself because she can't bear to admit the real reason she is stuck.
    Fear.
    Fear of being alone.
    Fear of the unknown.
    Fear of change.
    Fear of happiness.

    If money were the real reason, she would have saved up by now. But she didn't because it's not the real reason. So, she laments her lost cause as she folds the laundry, sighing and dreaming of the future she cannot have. Time to start another load.
     
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  4. psq

    psq
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    It's not a short story- creative non-fiction expressionism. I'm stuck in a web of rules I've feasted upon. My Catholicism, my loyalty, my desire to please, to behave, to do what is expected of me, to always be understanding, to be invisible, yet, forever on call.
     
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  5. psq

    psq
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    Yes, that's it in part but it's more...me watching Pep sitting down in the TV chair knowing that I'd still be me that it wouldn't be different because I'd still keep bringing the tea. I need to be mean to rule not put on an apron.
     
  6. I'm gay

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    I like your non-fiction expressionistic style of writing.

    The apron is an apt metaphor for your experience. It seems you have a "people pleaser" personality that manifests with servility. That's not unusual, especially for gay men. It's been my experience too. However, the baseline script is flawed because it is mired in gender stereotype.

    *To be the man you must rule. To rule you must dominate. You can't rule in an apron. You are the girl in your relationship and that makes you weak.*

    These are some of the ideas I get from your writing. Perhaps you don't quite mean it like I presented here, and if so please correct me, but that's how I interpret your writing. There's nothing wrong with being one who serves others. I think there's nobility in that. Do you think it would be different for you in a relationship with a man? Wouldn't you still be you?
     
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  7. psq

    psq
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    Thank you, for response. I thought I could plagiarise myself from a past post but then I thought do I still feel as hopeful as I did then? No. Nothing has changed, I am still the one in the background doing everything to keep up the household, to make this a home for family, friends, and guests, to clean up after everybody, and to do all of it without complaining (except here). I never thought the role of the housewife is weak (it's all I ever wanted to be) but it is financially vulnerable. Without the breadwinner I wouldn't enjoy the lifestyle I have and when I leave this relationship I stand to I lose everything. I don't own the life I live in. I'm not in the position to demand anything, except to be treated better, which I did, with middling success. Would it be different with a man? I don't think so.