Help please!

No you arent fooling yourself! You'll find that this place is full of people who figured it out "late". Some people are lucky to grow up in curcumatances that are conducive to them figuring it out earlier, others aren't. But having been with a man doesn't make you less gay (if you are). "Gold stars" are the minority, i think.

P.S. your english is good!

 

There are people on this forum who are in their forties, fifties, sixties or even beyond who are only now in the process of accepting that they are gay or bisexual. So you are not late. If you think about it nobody starts out in their life thinking "Yay, it would be great to be gay...." so perhaps it is not surprising that many of us find it difficult to accept that we are not straight and take a long time to get to that point.

 

Hello there BM09,

If you have read on the other posts, it will really make you realize how lucky you are to come to such an epiphany on your late 20s. I'm not trying to dismiss your experience, I think everyone go through their own journey differently. And I don't know the statistics but Gold stars do not make up the majority of gays.

In my case I came to terms with my sexuality when I was 24, I have always had crushes on women and lesser on men. I thought I was a lesbian, because it's the only vocab I had on my "gaytionary"lol (English is also my 2nd language). I also almost fell for my gay mate(male) in college. Anyway, now I know I'm bi, but really, I could fall in love with a frog. (visualizing the frog prince. Sry for the slight incoherence lol)

 

Can you expound on these statements? (e.g. Details or examples)
What makes you think no one likes you?
What makes you feel less?

 

Hey I didn't work out I was gay until I was 25/26 and when I figured it out I felt like you that I was the only person in the world that was that old before they figured it out but as the others have said you are not old and not alone there are many people your age and older only just figuring things out.
Stick around here and read some stories you will see you are just like many of us.

 

I think that it's never too late, honestly.

 

In a few years you'd be proud of yourself for finding out that you're gay at 24 and not at 42 or later.

Have you heard of JOHARI's window? it's like a psychological tool for self awareness. There are four windows,
1. How you and others see you
2. How you see yourself that others don't know
3. How others see you that you're not aware of
4. And the unknown, neither you nor others are aware about this side of you

It's healthy to keep a balance of these windows.
You are on your early adulthood, You have time to silence the voices that make you feel less. You'll wake up one day and tell yourself, "so what if I'm no gold star" "who gives a damn of what other people say. This is my life, and I'll take control of it." And you'll even have a laugh of your old self for sure

Someday soon you'll accept yourself, because you don't really have much of a choice but to do so. Let's be kind to ourselves. One step at a time. (I have to remind myself of this too)
Goodluck!

 

What I've learned is that there is no correct age to come to this realization. Some people repress their feelings for years and some simply just open their eyes one day. Everyone's journey is different.

 

Someone's sexual orientation has no bearing on whether they are nice or not. There are nice gay people and complete gits too!

 

I was around 21 when I first thought I could be bi, but I ignored this thought by refusing to question, explore, or even be open to the possiblity. It wasn't until my early 30's I questioned it seriously and accepted myself as bi. So you're not alone nor are you "late".

I like to think everyone comes out at exactly the right time for them. Not too early, not too late, just right when you were ready for it

As for "gold stars", the people who matter won't care. I honestly don't see why this even matters. It's like shaming people for being virgins or not virgins. It doesn't matter in the bigger picture of a relationship. We're all human here. We all have scars, bumps, and bruises. We all have less than ideal pasts or experiences or no experience. Who cares how you got here, as long as you're here? If someone judges you for your history, they aren't right for you.

 

Hi BM09, first up - your English is great... and its honest and sincere and that truly comes through..!!!

I'm with everyone else...well done you.

Any age is the right age, 14, 24, 44, 64, 84...whatever you might be .... me I'm 60, and only these last few years I've been really coming to terms with who I am sexually, human'ly, masculinly, fully.

Though I know now I've been gay all my life...all those little cues along the way.. now adding up, making sense. Thats just part of the journey. That it's really only now... in 2017.... having lived through the sixties seventies eighties nineties...into 2000 and in the recent 10-15 or so years that coming out has inched its way onto the table for me...well that is ok too. The past is gone, the future is yet to come...the present is right now as the saying goes and its a gift.

Be kind to yourself. No need invest energy in worrying about what is past, it is literally 'gone' it was who you were - where you were then - it didn't work out heterosexually sex for you with a man was yuck - now you know why - that is good news. Yes there were difficult bits, we have all had them...I know I have.

Trying to be the square peg is just uncomfortable. Until the day comes when we find the deep well of courage inside ourselves, to be openly honest to ourselves and say enough. I do not want to do this anymore. Uncomfortable - yes...

But it is fair also to say each bit - each step, each choice and experience, got you to where you are today. And thats Ok, the path meandered a bit, but that is also now in the past, gone.

BM09 You're you...and as you know you're gay... its you truth, a woman who likes, loves, connects with women...and that really is all there is to it.

And thats really beautiful.

As a 60 year old man (and young at heart I might add) who likes and is attracted to men (not all men of course, some are downright creepy, and gay men naturally - again not all again - some are outright weird, and hetero men don't get me, nor I them actually...nor do I want to in an intimate sense....gay is gay hooray).

Being aware and accepting that Im turned on by the sight of another man...well its taken years to peel away all the hetero cultural layers...my layers, to accept and know and be with the gay man I am, not someone elses version...but me.

And that I just do not get the same feeling on seeing a woman...and allowing that to be ok. And I love woman, but sensually sexually intimately, men are my thing, how wonderful at my late age to welcome these truths about myself.

So, in short, your ok. You're the perfect age because the age you are now is it.

You have your whole life ahead of you. One beautiful day at a time... it really is a case of smell the roses...and there are lots of them, in rainbow colours...and they smell gorgeous.

You are the beautiful alive woman you are, fully...right now, today.

You're wonderful.

Hope this helps.

Much love, Imjustjulien