Family member reveals truths that hurt... I need some advice.

So, I have a family member (a cousin) who is 20 years old. We're from Utah and he is extremely LDS (Mormon), as is our entire family (I am outwardly NOT, for not just the obvious reason) He's also spoiled beyond belief, as his dad owns a very successful company and his parents literally pay for EVERYTHING for him. But my family, they all seem to be excepting of me as a non-religious gay woman. I've been out to them for a few years now, and I have a girlfriend who has become a part of the family. They all seem to love her, ask about her, and invite her to family events. But something happened last night that has me questioning whether any of it is real, or if they just "tolerate" me in order to be a "good christian".

My cousin needed help getting his things to his campus apartment, as he was riding a scooter, and had books and what not. My girlfriend and I sweetly offered to help him out, and he seemed excited to have us come see where he was living. So we followed him there and up to his very expensive apartment (That mommy and daddy pay for). Once inside he started giving us a tour of the place. He shares a room with a friend of his, and on said friends wall there was an American Flag hanging up, but it was black and white with a solid red strip in the middle. Now I know about the black and white flags with the blue stripe for the police, but I wasn't sure about this one. So I asked him, and he informed me it was for the firefighters. I'm aware of the flag trend that has been going around lately, and it seems that all of these flags are representing support for "norms", as in people who don't know what it's like to be judged, or suffer based on who you love or what you look like. So I decided to make a joke to him and suggest that he put up an American Flag that was rainbow colored, to show support for his gay cousin. However, it didn't land, and actually turned into something that deeply offended me, and hurt my feelings.

His face got rather serious, and he shook his head no and said he can't. I replied "You can't?" thinking maybe his roommates would be upset because of their closed-mindedness. But it turns out it was my cousin who's the closed minded one. He said, he can't because he doesn't condone or approve of "what we do". And then proceeded to finish his tour. I was rather upset, but didn't want to appear rude, so I went along with the rest of the tour. This however, lead us outside and around the rather expensive area. At one point I mentioned that if I had to live with a bunch of college students I would go crazy. His response was "Hey, we're not all bad." and I shot back with "Neither are gay people." He then proceeded to give me some schpeal about cake, and us liking different kinds, and that he doesn't care so long as we don't tell him he can't believe or act how he wants.

Next, in the elevator ride back up to his apartment, he started complaining about his neighbors, and how they are "questionable" because they drink and smoke. This lead to him admitting that he's judgemental, just not to his family. I told him it's not good to be judgemental, and he told me to not point out all his flaws. The night ended shortly after that, I stayed and seemed interested in his life and what he was doing (because I'm the better person), but once we left his comments hit me like a bullet. I shed tears, as did my girlfriend, and my perspective of my whole family has now changed.

This cousin has 4 other siblings, who all grew up the same way, being taught the same religious bullshit, and I fear that their thoughts are the same as his. I also have other aunt's and cousins, and a grandfather who all adhere to the same beliefs and now I feel like a merely tolerated "sinner" who they don't like behind my back.

So I guess the advice that I am seeking is, I really want to confront him (in a respectful manner as I don't want to fight) because I feel he needs to know the effect his words had on me. He needs to be educated to the world outside of his sheltered LDS safe-space. And him and his siblings are all nice boys, I feel like I could at least get him to see my side. I just don't want to leave him to continue thinking the way he does, and potentially hurting peoples feelings that have a much harder life than him. So, does anyone have any advice on if I should talk to him, what I should say, or if it's a waste of time? Family is supposed to be where you feel safe and loved. But now I feel the opposite. And I also want to find out if the rest of my family feels this way, even if the answer will be devastating, because if they can't love me for me, and support me then they don't deserve to have me around. Despite our differences, I love my family, and I try to help them whenever I can. I like to consider myself a loving, giving, and caring person, and if those things aren't returned then I don't want to put myself in situations where I'm not wanted, that could end up really hurting me.

 

LunarLyric, I see what you're saying. I also understand the possible regret involved down the line if you decide to distance yourself now. But how much can a "fake-close" relationship mean to you? If someone doesn't respect you as a person, why would they deserve what you have to offer? All my life I've felt different and been treated different. But I still remain nice to people, even if they don't deserve it. But as time goes by, and I get older and experience more of the world, the less f**ks I give (pardon my language) because the world is a shitty place, and their are a lot of shitty people in it. People like us deserve the same exact respect as everyone else, and we are usually the first ones to give it, and the last ones to get it returned back to us. I know you can't change people, but you can enlighten them and try to show them a better way of thinking. Why should they get to go on having trash for opinions, while we get to continue to suffer from it?