Have you ever regretted telling a certain person

I've had some temporary regret but nothing that has lasted particularly long.

Have you spoken to her about how what she says makes you feel?

 

Same here, never any long term regret. Just be honest with her and tell her than you need to handle this at your own pace.]

But it's also not a bad thing to have someone on your side sort of pushing you to move forward. Its annoying, but it's a nice way to not get stuck.

 

No. I came out about a year ago, and in the process told a self-professed "conservative Christian" acquaintance from Fort Worth, Texas that I was gay and getting a divorce. It was a difficult conversation and she cried (not sure whether about the gay part or the divorce part). We hugged, and then we both went on to the next session at the conference we were attending. We're still friends, and when we saw each other at the same conference this summer everything was OK between us.

During the process of coming out it can be stressful to tell some people, but in the end (after the passage of some time) you'll be happy you were truthful with yourself and your friends.

A year after coming out I'm pretty open about who I am and happy in the new relationship I've found with a delightful man.

 

Hey zumbaqueen,

I would agree with the other input on this thread. Oftentimes, we have a sort of initial "buyer's remorse" about Coming Out to specific individuals or groups of people, but, in the longrun, we tend to find that we made the right decision for our own well-being, regardless of anyone else's reaction to our Coming Out.

 

yeah I'm sure her remarks come from a good place but it doesn't always make it easier. Does she know she was your crush?
Perhaps she feels like she wishes she had someone else to talk about it to. At least you know she is entirely trustworthy.

 

I've definitely regretted telling my mom and my siter. It's a total disaster, and I could have predicted that. But I haven't regretted telling my friends, other family members, or general acquaintances.

 

Ugh... I'm sorry. That is hard!

 

I can relate. I told a friend of mine the other day that it would be perfect if V would just move away. Seeing her every day or two is just terrible now. Hugs.

 

Honestly, it would have been nice if when she told you that her parents thought you had a thing for her, she had just asked, "you don't, do you?" Because... this shit is hard, and if our friends really care about what we are going through, they could help us out a bit, you know? I feel like if V just asked me, I'd have no problem saying, "yes, I *totally* have a thing for you! Are you kidding?" And then it would be out in the open. But no... we are stuck not only going through this but also doing ALL the heavy lifting.

 

Ok yes I feel your pain. I've never been in this exact situation but there were people in my life who realised I was gay before I did and I found it much harder to come out to those people than the ones who had no clue which I thought in some ways was stupid because I knew they would have an issue with it but a shame you say there are other forces at work here.

I had a summer job in Wales for a couple of years when I was at college. There were a couple of bisexual girls there and one of them asked me whilst we were out riding whether I was gay. I was a bit taken aback but in my mind I was completely straight so I obliviously said no. Forward several years when I realised I was gay and I am still good friends with one of the girls and when I wanted to come out to her it was different to coming out to other people.
It sounds like even though they know they don't have a problem with it so if you wanted to tell them I don't think it would necessarily cause an issue but at the same time you shouldn't feel pressure from her to have to tell them.

 

You are assuming your friends are aware of your crushes.

 

No, I'm assuming they might at least consider the possibility and help us clear the air.

 

This is where I at right now. There are a few people from college that I still talk to on a regular basis and I am sure they at least have their suspicions, but I just can' bring myself to tell them. Then of course there was my favorite tattoo artist who said to me at one appointment that she thought for sure I was a lesbian when we first met, but then she met my boyfriend and thought her "gaydar was broke."

I don't regret not telling them, but at the same time I feel like they already know so why not just put it out in the open.

Oh @zumbaqueen, I wish I had better advice for you!

 

Well I don't know about Zumbaqueen friend but from what you have told us about V her self esteem is probably so low that she doesn't see how anyone can like her.

 

I know it sounds stupid but you will know when the time is right.