Hey all, I'm a 28-year-old gay male. Have started up a relationship with a 47-year-old man, not quite officially dating yet, but close enough. I was looking for anyone who has had experience in a relationship with a big age gap about what there might be to expect. I know larger ones have existed than 19 years. I don't mind it now, though I do wonder about the future. If it turned into a serious LTR, I'd be worried what it would be like when he's 60 and I'm 41. Just not sure what to expect with us being at different stages in life. I get along with him though, and we've been having fun together.
You're right at the cusp of where it is theoretically possible for it to work. The biggest potential issues are imbalances of power (basically, life experience and, perhaps, income differences). Assuming you've lived enough of your life on your own to have developed your own life experiences and life competence, then this isn't an automatically insurmountable problem, but one thing to keep an eye on is just how the differences in life experience play out. The other thing you have to consider, in the longer term, is aging and stages of life... he'll be retiring when you're right in the prime working years. Again, not insurmountable but something to think about if the relationship ends up becoming something longer term. The best thing you can do is to talk openly and honestly about all of these issues. Put them out, discuss them, and do your best for both of you to be open.
Another thing to consider is physical health and sex drive, as men enter their mid life they start to experience health issues that younger men don't normally experience including prostate issues and lower sex drive. Every person is genetically different and this guy you have interest in might not have any health issues at all but there is almost 20 years between your ages.
Didn't work for me, but that doesn't mean it won't work for you. I've realized that anything more than 10 years is pushing it, and that's through experience. However, you're almost a decade older than me, which is why the age gap will matter less for you than it will for me. If the both of you like how things are right now then why stop it there? Just talk to him about it, it's a legitimate concern.
I don't see any problem with it considering the vast majority of hetero and homosexual relationships rarely last more than ten years anyway. Relationships are like jobs in my opinion. Unless you get REALLY lucky early in life you are going to have several of both, some good, some bad, all educational in the end. I say go for it and enjoy the here and now.
I was in a relationship with a similar range between our ages. Interestingly, he was the one who pursued me because I was skeptical at first. We built a rich, satisfying relationship that lasted about five years. It ended only because of extreme geographic separation driven by work assignments. We are still friends in regular contact. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. No one can foresee the changes in our future. Trying to plan for differences that might exist thirteen years from now is an impossible endeavor. I say, enjoy your relationship now. Make the best of it. Nourish it and grow it as if it will be in existence forever. Work on those life stage differences if and when they present themselves. Stay healthy, stay happy.
Essentially, any relationship (be it gay or straight) can work provided everyone involved is aware what they're getting into and willing to work on any possible issues. Your being aware of the age gap and looking for any possible pitfalls are for me a good thing, it means you're going into this relationship with your eyes open. Other members have given great input above and I think the most important thing is to communicate. Talk with him about your concerns (and his), and what both of you could do to solve them. Good luck!
