Age gap in a lesbian relationship

Isn't 16 the age of consent in the UK? I'm not from that area so I can't argue about the legal parts.

Even then, I would find it creepy in all honesty and would advise against it. It's not so much as the fact that it would be culturally illegal where I live, but I think a somewhat older adult with a "new adult" is going to be imbalanced unless the older adult had a very severe disability or something. 18 is the age of consent where I live, and I would still consider dating an 18 year old to be really creepy and close to dating a kid at my age (I'm 27).

 

Creativemind is (almost) always right, but I'll present the responsible opposing viewpoint. I had a big crush when I was 17, the other was 23. OK, two years narrower. Of course, like most things, it didn't last, but we both came out of it happier.

I think there is a lot to be said for starting relationships online, i.e. chatting and skyping. Why? Simple: it's safer. I even have some sympathy for kids sexting: they get told all the time "be safe" and as far as STDs go, it's pretty darn safe. (Privacy-wise not, I agree.)

Now, every situation is unique, and the only general rule is that there is no perfect general rule. So be careful. OK, let's hear some other opinions. And all due respect to you Creative! You're an irreplaceable EC asset.

 

I reeeaally advise against that. If you were say, 36 and 44 it wouldn't be such a weird gap, even if it's the same time, but the maturity of a 16 year old is very different from that of a 24 year old. I don't want to come off as rude of accusatory, of course but those relationships usually end up turning abusive (even unintentionally!).

I'm 17 and as a 17 year old, I know for a fact I'm not mature enough to date a 24 year old. And I know 'everyone is different' but I think it's still reeeally sketchy because 16 year olds are going through rapid hormonal changes and are just in general more unstable than 24 year olds. I really think you should find someone more your age. 16 year olds are still growing up. You're already grown up.

Edit: I'd like to clarify that straight relationships with age gaps make me feel this way too. A 24 year old woman dating a 16 year old boy/24 year old man dating a 16 year old girl makes me uncomfortable. My stance is because our own community is stereotyped as predatory and what you're doing is predatory, even if you don't intend for it to be that way.

 

I would advise you not to.

You are at a different point in life than this girl who is probably still in high school. You have experienced way more and this relationship will most likely become one-sided. ''No, don't do that. I know best. I did that at your age.'' Apart from that, if you moved out and live on your own while she still lives with her parents... You know, she won't have any idea what it's like because she hasn't done it yet.

People change a lot from 16-20. I know because I'm very different than I was back then.

 

Tbh, I just want to add that the "having different experiences in life thing" isn't always true.

I'm 27 years old and only this year did I get my GED and become a college freshman for the first time. My closest friend is 23 and she has more life experience than I do...she went to a four year university, has a full time job, made a group of friends, moved out. She is the one who gives me advice and is supporting me like I am the younger one. If we were to date, she'd be younger but would have more life experience and may think I am too behind to catch up.

That being said, even though I am at the same state as an 18 year old, I don't think it would be wise for me to date an 18 year old purely because of the social stigma involved. There just needs to be another reason we condemn this beyond life experience, because not every adult has life experience that matches their chronological age, and many will try to use it as an excuse to date younger if that's the case.

 

I don't know. Honestly, I feel like if I dated a 16 year old, I'd be dating a kid, an I'm 20. I just don't know how else to explain it apart from life experiences because that's what I saw around me. Even using your case as an example, I think it'd be best to find someone closer to your age with similar experiences because the younger one who did have those experiences probably has a different mindset. Like, they might see themselves in 5 year at some other place and fear that you won't catch up or something. I don't know if what I'm saying makes sense.

 

I agree, I'm not justifying an adult dating a 16-18 year old regardless of experience, I just think experience isn't always going to match someone's chronological age, and someone could use that as an excuse to think It's okay to date a teenager.

I personally don't like the idea of dating an 18 year old, but finding someone my own age with similar experiences is also next to impossible, especially for gay people who have a lower dating pool. My personal preference is for people between the ages of 21-24 at best, because it's old enough to not be "weird" and young enough to have not gotten too far in life- hopefully. Even then though, most 24 year olds still have more life experience than I, so I just have to hope for the best and explain my situation. I definitely would not date an 18 year old or 16 year old...it's way too weird.

 

Of course, but the age gap becomes less apparent as you get older. Personally, I think a 23 and 27 year old dating is fine, but a 16 and 21 year old would be sketchy. Honestly, after turning like 20, it's best not to date underrage people.

 

I'm at the start of a relationship with someone over a decade younger than me, however apart from chronological age and different life experiences we are very similar in personality, insecurities and on an emotional level.

Granted you may need to be careful with someone who is emotionally young (i was a mess when i was a teen) as long as you are on equal footings and want the same things from a relationship then i wish you well.

 

Really bad idea. I do get that you didn't know her age before you developed feelings. But now that you do I think you should really think about whether you want to continue this.

Age gaps aren't bad when BOTH are adults. But she is a teen. I am not sure of the laws where you live, but here (U.S.) this is illegal and would land you on the sex offender registry for life if you were charged and convicted. (As in: charged by her parents, her great aunt, her sister revealing this to Dept of Children and Families....if people know about it the likelihood of any person in her life bringing this to light authorities increases.) This happens. Actually here there are a handful of young men on the sex offender registry who were 18 and had sex consentually with their 17 1/2 year old high school girlfriend--- girls' parents pressed charges. And these young men were convicted and are now life long sex offenders, their photos and crime plastered all over the internet, forever. Not sure if it can happen where you live. But even if it legally you're 'off the hook' doesn't mean it's a good idea.

And I am thinking---16 makes her a high school junior. I assume you are out there working, managing a home or apartment while she is in gym class and doing her algebra homework. It may only be eight years but it's a BIG eight years....

 

I can only agree with most of the responses. Proceed with great caution. An age difference of 8 years may not be a problem between adults, but a 16 year old is not an adult . Ok not a child, but still not an adult. There's a lot of development and maturing still ahead at that age, and a teenager needs to be able to do this in his/her own time , without the pressure of trying to fit in to a mature relationship.

Then there's the cultural/social issues which understandably frown upon older people having a sexual relationship with young people . It looks very predatory , even with the best intentions , and there's something very immature about both partners. This goes for same sex and straight relationships. An older guy, for example , with an immature girl is just wrong.

I have posted my fears elsewhere about age gaps in a gay relationship..... my 60 year old friend is having a sexual relationship with a very innocent sounding 19 year old who has only just come out, has no relationship experience . My friend insists he's "looking after and guiding " this boy . He's still developing his life, still maturing, he doesn't need to try and fit into a nature relationship, which is what my friend seems to think will happen.

My friend seems to have lost a straight friend of 36 years, who is no longer engaging with him on social media . He says he's not bothered if people don't understand . I take this to mean if I walk away he'll let me , and he'll lose our friendship . I've never met this boy and would feel un uncomfortable doing so, but I feel it will all go wrong and my friend will just be left with the "yes" people who say they're pleased for him , to his face, but say it's wrong behind his back.

I'm just pointing out the difficulties all round in age gap relationships. Be very cautious .

 

I have zero issues with age gap relationships between consenting adults but really question the sincerity of one where one partner is well into adulthood and the other, for all practical purposes, is still a minor child.

 

For your country the age is 16, so legally you are in the clear.