Hey everyone. I am 20, male, (He,him pronouns are fine) and i have recently discovered that i am bisexual. As much of a shocking discovery that was for me, i can't bare to think how surprising it will be for my parents. I should mention that I am Muslim, and my parents are too. I am not sure if i should come out, because I am 100% sure there will be no acceptance, just "solutions". To make the matters a little worse, they don't actually believe in bisexuality. I want to come out i really do, so that my friends and family can get to know the real me, but at the same time, the same friends and family will no longer be there if i do. Any advice, opinion, and help is appreciated. Thank you.
Hi there! I don't know if you've done any searching or not, but there are actually a lot of new resources and communities emerging for gay Muslims right now, including LGBT-friendly mosques. You are definitely not alone on this front. As far as advice related to coming out - I would start with people who you are pretty sure will give a positive response. Be easy with yourself to start - if you have a friend who is openly supportive of LGBT folks, etc., maybe you could start with them. On the other hand, if you don't have any friends who are LGBT supportive (as it sounds like the case may be), have you looked around for any LGBT groups/centers in your area? You could try checking these places out, if that's something you're comfortable with. Feel free to get in touch if you are interested in any specifics.
I know its hard to keep in what feels like a huge part of yourself. I would not recommend coming out unless you are independent and are not relying on your family. I would not recommend it unless you've moved out and have a stable roof over your head and such, so that if they go so far as to kick you out you are safe. And you won't be trapped with the family having to deal with their solutions. My dad is accepting but my mom is very religious (she's a christian) and she's very homophobic and conservative so naturally she doesn't know yet. I'm not telling her until i live well far away and only when absolutely necessary. But yeah, like the above poster said it might help to surround yourself with allies. See if there are any LGBT friendly mosques or religious groups in your area. I know there are christian ones, surely there are muslim ones as well. Or if you're in college maybe the college has a club you can join. Or perhaps a friend or two will be accepting. Having just one accepting person can help a lot.
Thank you for bringing my attention to the LGBTQ mosques, i didn't know such mosques were real, but i have managed to find one and have made plans to visit. I really appreciate this piece of advice because this means that there is a chance i dont have to choose between my faith and sexuality. Thank you once again.
As of now i am not comfortable joining any clubs or campus groups related to LGBTQ because many of my relatives are on the same uni campus as me, so i really dont want to risk it. But i do like the idea of waiting till i can support myself. Even though it means waiting, it is a safer choice for me, and means a lot less stress. Thanks for the help.
Hi! My family is all Christian so I know where you're coming from. I'm also 20 but still living at home. I'm waiting until I move out to tell my parents. Do you know of anyone you can trust and know would be accepting if you told them? It helped me when I came out to my sisters because I knew I could trust them with the secret and they wouldn't change on me. I can be myself around them and just talk openly. It's really helped with my anxiety and I don't feel like I'm hiding all the time.
No problem! Would love to hear of your experiences there, after you're able to visit, to know a bit more about it for other members.
as of now, i don't really have any friends that I think will be ok with me coming out, maybe it's the paranoia talking. I am branching out more and hoping to get more lgbtq friends, friends that i know have had similar experiences and are able to understand me a little better. Hoping that goes well
I will keep you updated, i am visiting this Wednesday, so after that i will be able to tell you about the experience.
@Gravity Sorry it took so long to get back to you, but i had a change of plans, and i went to the mosque yesterday. It turns out that the mosque is very tolerant of bisexuals, they even have some sessions where bunch of the members get together and just kind of mingle and get to know everyone. There is a caveat, the mosque that i went to specifically says" "the BEING of homosexual or bisexual or however it you identify is not a problem, but the act of being with the same gender is not permitted, sexually. Not before or after marriage." So what i got from this visit was, that i am allowed to be with women and men, relationship wise, but never sexually with a man. Which let's face, if i end up marrying a man, i would probably want to be intimate with them. Overall still enjoyed the experience, as it was much more tolerant than what i am used to and i got to meet a lot of new people.
Sorry to hear that they aren't accepting of sexuality (as opposed to just the orientation), but I'm glad it was a positive experience for you!
