1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How is the coming out different for transgender people than LGB people?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by cupidlove, Sep 2, 2017.

  1. cupidlove

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2017
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    What things must a trans person must consider that a lgb person doesn't?
     
  2. Samthing

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2017
    Messages:
    75
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Well I had to consider that they might not call me by my preferred name and pronouns or that I might have to explain to them what it means. It's a lot more complicated than just saying I don't fancy people of the gender you expected me to fancy. It's asking them to change the way they see me. It's telling them that I'm not their little girl but their little boy instead. And there are so many things that could go wrong with that
     
  3. JaimeGaye

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2017
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    156
    Location:
    Illinois
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    First is your actual gender alignment
    Second is your sexual orientation
    A male to female who likes males and despises her own penis isn't gay, she's straight
    A male to female who likes girls and despises her own penis is lesbian and depending on her own sexual orientation she may be masculine butch or feminine in her projection.
    A male to female who likes her penis can get a bit more complicated based on if she wants to be with partners of both genders or is more gender specific.

    The same breakdown equally applies to female to male transsexuals and in both cases the first two dysphoria's are pretty cut and dried examples of individuals who will not be happy or satisfied in life until they are allowed to completely transition and in coming out they should fully and completely explain this.

    The third example of the dysphoria becomes more complicated and involved and I strongly urge those in this mindset to seek professional counsel and therapy from well qualified and sympathetic organizations before making any brash determinations about ones true self and when outing one self, most especially to family members, consideration must be made to expressing your inner concerns so they may better understand and even provide for you to gain help in finalizing a determination that, once committed to can never be fully reversed.

    Coming out is hard.
    Being who you really are is even harder.
     
  4. denouement

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2015
    Messages:
    225
    Likes Received:
    38
    Location:
    Riften
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    The first thing that jumps to mind is the relative necessity of coming out. As an lgb person, you can not bring your partner round and not discuss your romantic interests. Sad, yes, but fairly easily done. As a trans person, if you intend to transition, it's going to be much more physically obvious. If you decide not to say anything, other people will gradually realize you look/sound different. The only foolproof way to avoid coming out as a trans person is to not transition, or to cut off contact with the people you don't want to come out to. If you keep in contact, odds are they will start to ask questions themselves. So you have to consider the consequences of not transitioning, or of cutting off various relationships, with the consequences of coming out.

    There is the aspect of asking others to change names and pronouns. Coming out as lgb, other people will still refer to you the same way. But coming out as trans often involves asking people to change the way they have referred to you for years, by using your new, more appropriate name and pronouns.

    I also think it can be more difficult to explain being transgender. Coming out as lgb, you can say, "Well, you know how you like [opposite gender]? I feel the same way about [same gender]." (Change as applicable depending on sexuality... of course ace folks will have a harder time with this.)

    But for cis folks, there isn't a solid frame of reference for what being transgender is like. Frequently, their gender is something theyve never thought about. This is where the conflation between gender and sex comes in. It's easy to think theyre the same when they match up. If youve never felt the difference, its hard to understand that there is a difference. The most common question seems to be "What does [gender] feel like? How can you feel like [gender]?" So, it seems to me, that its very difficult for a cis person to wrap their head around the idea of gender and how it differs from sex. They may accept it, but understanding it is a different matter. At least for me, this is the main difference in disclosing sexuality vs gender. I spent so long trying to figure out how to best explain how I feel and why that made me believe transition was my best option. My mom still doesn't understand, and she may not ever. Thats okay, but it is something I personally had to consider.
     
    #4 denouement, Sep 3, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2017
  5. Bakemono

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2012
    Messages:
    24
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    .
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    As mentioned, multiple things need to be asked and answered