Hello, all. I am 26, have never really dated and tend to be painfully nervous and awkward when talking to people when there is a potential for a relationship. I recently got on a few dating websites, but as soon as I received a message I panicked. Even when I find the person messaging me attractive, I panic at the thought of replying. In the one case I did message back and forth, I ended up deleting my profile mid-conversation. In normal conversation, while not super outgoing, I am nowhere near such a nervous wreck. I don't know what to do. I want to meet new people, but it is just such a nightmare over this tiny thing.
Just keep at it and go through all of the things people do when they are trying to connect for dating, which includes rejection and misunderstanding along with really great connections! Through all of the ups and downs you will be gaining valuable information and insights about yourself and other people. Doing that via dating websites is the perfect way to start because as you've seen you can easily terminate the connection at any time, although I wouldn't recommend deleting your profile ... just block that user.
It's normal for both sides to be nervous and defensive when engaging in first conversations but conversation is key to deciding if the person you are talking with is a potential partner.
Based on your strong nervous reaction, it sounds like you are afraid of something, such as fear of rejection or maybe fear of success. While the best way to overcome a fear is to push through it and just do it, understanding the cause of your reaction might be helpful in devising a strategy to overcome your fear. Try not to take rejection personally or fear rejecting someone who isn't a match. It's all part of the process. The key to dating is to figure out what you want in a guy and where you can meet him. Each dating site has their own profile and scene, so keep on trying different ones until you find what works for you. Why not recreate your profile and reconnect with the guy that you were chatting with? Be vulnerable and apologize for deleting your profile and share with him that you are new to dating and are very nervous. Then see what happens. Magic will happen if he's dating material.
I don't really have any brilliant advice as I have similar issues. I've joined and dropped and joined dating sites a few times. In the past I was too nervous to post a picture, but then if I got a message, I assumed they wouldn't like how I looked if they met me. This last time I've put a picture and made a point of choosing one that looks like me but isn't flattering. I think my problem is I start out trying to make myself seem just a little better than I am and then I feel convinced than anyone who's interested has an inflated picture of me. This last time, I tried to get a little more real about myself without being a downer. Best to turn a few people off before they contact you rather than after. I still feel nervous when someone contacts me, but I suggested that I was looking for friends as much as romance I my profile. It lets me think of the conversation as just chatting to a friendly stranger as opposed to a potential girlfriend. It does feel awkward if I don't think I really want to stay in touch. My current tactic is to message less and be less keen and eventually stop getting back to them, but I feel SO guilty. I need to find a friendly, assertive way to end things sooner rather than later.
