my gf beat me up and idk what to do..

Like everyone said, you're verbally abusive and she is physically. Stay away from each other or get some counseling.

 

ARE YOU OKAY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 

Ah, a correction. We are not necessarily condoning the physical violence (I think most of us here have said both actions were equally wrong). We were just shocked that the OP could commit such vile verbal abuse, especially verbal abuse that could have been illegal if it went sour. I don't condone physical violence in any situation, including this one, but it is infuriating that the OP wants to paint herself a complete victim without recognizing her part in this and how serious her own actions also were. Being angry over the girlfriend's actions is something most of us feel...however it is irrelevant to post this here when you have someone who started the abuse and then refuses to understand how equally serious it was. I see the girlfriend was in the wrong, although she at least apologized, and OP needs to give the same respect.

 

We're just trying to get you to understand that both sides were equally wrong, and there is no one person who is more at fault than the other. You keep going on and on about how your girlfriend was purely the bad guy here, even though you did something potentially illegal with possible life long consequences for her. She is in the same position, but she at least recognizes her faults here.

 

Hey. You didn't deserve it. Neither of you did, though, right? You both sound like you could use some help dealing with anger. Are you in school? Is there a Student Services dept you could go to so you could talk to someone, together and/or separately? Or an LGBT resource centre in your city that offers counselling?

It's a good sign you both realize what you did was wrong. Now see if you can find some help so it doesn't happen again. Ok?

 

That's completely fair, and I'll just clarify as well that I'm 100% in agreement with how completely unacceptable and disgusting OP's part in this was as well. I do understand where a lot of the posts were coming from- I was just a little taken aback by how some of them were phrased I suppose. But perhaps it's how I read them, as I'm sure that was not the intent.

 

You shouldn't have said that, she shouldn't have hit you.

No one deserves either of those outcomes. I don't condone her actions but I can see the reason for why she assaulted you.

Stay away from each other.

 

You hyped her and yourself up off an Instagram comment. Then you said the absolute worst thing you could ever say to someone (seriously, shame on you for what you said to her), and she slammed your ass into the ground. Go work on yourself and stay away from her, for both of your sakes.

 

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don't think this incident qualifies her as abusive. Relationships aside, you said something abhorrent about her late mother, and as you put it, she whooped your ass. I absolutely do not condone violence, but I expect most would've reacted the same way she did.

I do, however, agree that you should stay away from each other. You both seem to rouse negative traits in the other, and to be honest, you in particular seem quite toxic. I suggest you apologize and try to move on from this event. I also feel obliged to say that telling someone to kill themselves is never okay, no matter what the situation you're in is like (there's also this thing we like to do called not speaking ill of the dead - especially when they were depressed and tormented in life. It's common courtesy, really).

 

I have been watching this thread develop and whilst I agree that there is no excuse for either behaviour, I also do not agree with the attacking tone of some of the posts. EC is a support forum and the original poster came here looking for some support and I'm not by any means excusing what she said to her girlfriend it's unforgivable but so is violence and what we need to be doing is advising the original poster to perhaps see a therapist to work out why over something seemingly so petty she stooped to that low rather than hounding the thread with posts implying she is an awful person.
i appreciate that abuse both physical and emotional is something that cuts close to home for many people on EC and so I don't blame people for being passionate and rising up against it but can't we try and do it in a productive and educational way with the original poster rather than beating her down.

 

i agree with everyone else what you said was wrong but what she did was wrong she shouldn't have gone that far and don't blame yourself of what happened bc that will go into deep depression.....trust me I know.

 

Even tho y'all been together for 3 years and I can tell you love her but you have to think about what happened...and will it happened?

 

I agree with @silverhalo and I apologize for letting my emotions get the better of me.

Now, you came here looking for advice not looking to be attacked so I will try to help.

First off, I think the most productive thing you can do is focus on yourself and your reactions to the situation. What about it made you get so upset to begin with? Were there underlying troubles in your relationship or is there an outside factor that you are having problems dealing with?

In either case, I think you need to take some time and figure out what is making you upset and hurt and how you can work through those emotions in a healthy way.

Keep a journal, see a therapist, vent to your best friend whatever works for you but it has to be something you are willing to acknowledge and change.

 

Nobody is really saying there was a justification for physical violence. What is being said is that, taken on its own, your insult was unbelievably insensitive and emotionally abusive. It is calculated and cruel to make a jibe about a parent's suicide or to tell someone to kill themselves - even to feel the temptation to say it implies a level of disrespect I find hard to comprehend in a relationship.

You're asking a question beyond whether physical violence is acceptable. You're asking advice of you should do, which surely you have to realise includes criticising your behaviour for its shocking callousness. Your actions alone, in sparking an intense fight over a trivial faux-problem and then escalating it so severely, indicate it's not a good relationship for either of you. That's before we even consider the physical violence.

Keep that in mind, accept moral responsibility for your actions and leave the relationship. It's likely to continue as an endless tit-for-tat of mutual abuse.

 

U made that comment, and she responded..both in the heat of the moment. I'd advise u both stay away from each other for a couple of days until things have calmed down between u two. She should not have attacked you, but that's easy for us to say now that we know, and can analyze the situation..while compared to her it was probably done in the heat of the moment, with no time to think until after the damage was done. Both of you should see each other when you're both ready, and apologize to each other. It's one thing to make comments like that (Kids do that to get a rise out of others)..but it's another thing to make a comment like that when you know that her Mum really did kill herself.

 

I think you need to get some help Lisa regarding why you said that, it was really evil and horrible.
I know people here who would have put you in hospital for saying something like that.For your own safety I think you need to work on your issues and mind your mouth.

 

I don't think people are implying that you deserved to be physically assaulted. I think people responding to your thread aren't too surprised that after saying something like that, your girlfriend went after you - granted the entire thing is surprising and unfavorable. Three years of a relationship that's so close mixed with what you said...that's a lot of heat; it's easy to imagine the volatility. I can't imagine how enraged, out of hurt because you're supposed to love this woman, your girlfriend felt after you said what you did. I'm wondering if you realize the full impact of what you said to her. I mean, I'd never speak to you again -- especially if that was your response re: an argument over an Instagram comment from another woman who must be in issue between the two of you. Like, cue the, well that escalated, meme.

If my reply was amongst those that sounded harsh, I would say sorry, but I meant what I said. I truly believe you shouldn't be with her until you work on whatever jealousy issues you're having in your relationship (because that's completely unhealthy, and maybe you need to look into that, maybe it's her and you need to break it off and be with someone more trustworthy), and take a look into why you said what you did - at all - but especially given the situation. Like, that's some really dark shit to say something like that. I still can't wrap my head around that coming out of someone's mouth. It's really wrong to physically assault someone, but what you said was so unforgivable.

Until you work out your anger issues, I'd say it's a really bad pairing. If you guys truly love each other, and still think the relationship is salvageable (both of you want to), then I don't think it's a bad idea to go to counseling together and get to the root of the issue. You've both been together for a long time, so it's not unusual to take the therapy route - especially given these circumstances.

Always keep in mind that people are human and shit happens. Maybe you can get through it.

 

Deserve? I'm not going to get philosophical, but no one "deserves" to get beat, barring rare exceptions. I will say that there are some things you just don't say, or at the very least, shouldn't assume will be taken... nicely, by everyone else. If it were your girlfriend asking for advice, I might say something like "take anger management courses" or "have you received therapy for your past trauma?"

Beating someone down, especially one you've been in a committed relationship with, does seem like a bit of overkill. Huge red flag. If you feel your heart racing and blood boiling, just walk away. What I'm not entirely clear on is the whole "fight back" and "beat my ass"... how did one punch turn into all of that? Did she lose control and get caught up in the moment? Were you a willing participant, instead of a victim? I can't imagine getting into a boxing match with someone I'm in love with, but I'm not much of a fighter, and it takes a lot to get me to lash out.

Sadly, I've heard a lot of stories of lesbian couples in long-term relationships being physically abusive with one another.