I found out the person I love only loves me as a friend. There was a lot of misunderstandings and lack of communication, so I've been ready to move on to have a happy and healthy relationship with someone. Right now I'm grieving because I do love her and I know this pain will past but I'm not feeling so hopeful for the future. I know right now I should focus on getting my life together. I should not get into a serious relationship until my life is settled, but I wish I could just casually date and cuddle with someone even if just a friend. I don't want to wait for everything to be "perfect" before I can have some affection. Looking at online dating sites, I don't see anyone I want to message even when I set searches to "everywhere". I don't see anyone I'd want even as a friend. I hope that doesn't sound arrogant... it's just I'm not seeing people who have interests and outlooks similar to mine. I feel like finding someone who wants the same things in a relationship, who is compatible, has good chemistry with me, who is healthy, and shares a mutual attraction is like finding a needle in a haystack. Nevermind someone who lives close by. I want to move to a city to better my odds at friendship and dating, but that won't happen right away. Even if I move, I still feel like finding a girlfriend or a friend who's okay with cuddling a bisexual woman will be near impossible. I don't know what anyone can say to this. I guess I'm just looking for some encouragement. I'm feeling really hopeless.
Oh honey I'm sorry. For what it's worth I think I'm about to be in the same boat once I have an honest conversation with the woman I love. Lots of us here have an unrequited love thing going on at the same time as wanting to start exploring our same sex attractions. Seems like the default!
Hey Cinnamon Bunny I'm so sorry to hear that. I know everything looks bleak right now but keep taking baby steps in the right direction and you will get to where you want to be. Unrequited love is painful, give ourself time to heal and then look again. There is someone out there for you I promise.
If you care to share, I'd love to know how your conversation went down. Do you think you will still be friends? It's she ok with that? Are you?
I guess small steps is all I can do. Thank you for reminding me of that and reminding me to take time to heal. I can't say I believe in my heart or mind there is someone out there for me, but I honestly appreciate the hopeful sentiment. It really bites. I wish I could explore these attractions with her. As for your questions, explaining the conversation and the context you'd need to understand it would literally take pages and... I don't think I'm up for that. Basically she was finally ready to express her stance when I asked about physical affection. She knew something had been on my mind and asked me about it. I wasn't aiming to talk about "that", but after a lot of anxiety and sitting in silence I finally expressed wanting to feel close but being afraid to say anything about it (I had good reason to be afraid. Lots of drama and she hadn't wanted to talk about anything for a long time). She used it as a segway to explain her stance in our relationship in a much more clear way than she had in the past. She acknowledged her part in the problems nor really blamed me. She apologized more than once and even when I talked about my faults in this, she just acknowledge she'd messed up too. She let me ask as many questions as I wanted and talk about anything I wanted. It was a good and much needed conversation. We both felt better having it. We both laughed and joked afterwards. Despite the fact I'm hurting now, it was a conversation I've been wanting from her because of the lack of clarity on her part and I've felt unable to talk about so much. We've known each other for nearly a decade. She said she considered me one of her very best friends. I feel the same. We both expressed wanting to stay friends and I believe we will. Considering we both do what we can to not hurt the other like we have been. Even though I'm hurt and frankly angry right now, I'm okay with being just friends. I've realized more clearly just how much she isn't ready for a relationship moreover her lack of communication skills and the chaos they caused. I love her, but at this point I don't want a romantic relationship unless she worked out her issues. Dysfunction kinda kills romantic feelings for me. Right now, friendship is probably the only way I could enjoy a relationship with her. She's also doing everything she can to be a healthier person and has acknowledged her faults, so as a friend there is nothing more I could want from her since she's doing all the right things. We'll probably need more conversations as we continue to learn how to respect and love one another in a healthy way. I just think we'll be fine.
I am so sorry to hear this is not working out the way you thought and felt it would be.. Hugs of support for you. As long as eventually you are able to detach yourself from feelings for her, which will eventually happen with time, you will have your relationship(s) and love. These experiences, as painful and draining as they are, make us grow and evolve to take next steps in our journey. Glad to hear she was understanding and took responsibility for her actions, and is staying your friend. Hugs
Oh, hugs for you Cinnamon Bunny. You're definitely not alone here on this board. Many of us fell in love with either straight women or women who don't reciprocate the feelings. I know you feel helpless. Take it one day at a time instead of looking so far into the future. Give yourself at least a few days to grieve the loss of your romantic dreams with this woman! Things have a way of working out. They do! And all for the best
Rjay, you know every person, relationship, and situation is different. As useful the tips and support are, there is obviously no link here. I hope you are not drawing parallels. Hugs
Thank you for the support everyone. I'm feeling a better. The more I realize how unrealistic a relationship is with her the less I want from her. There is still a possibility of dating after she works through her problems but I'm not holding my breath anymore... I'm done and too tired.
Not sure what is all going on for you Rjay, but they say imagining being successful or imagining successfully making through obstacles and bad situations is helpful. Not that it goes your way, but that you can handle and navigate the waters and be alright.
Sounds like you have the right attitude! Hang in there. I am gearing up for big conversation with V and I'm almost sure I will be hearing the "I love you as a friend" thing. I'm working on preparing myself to be ok with that. I'm going to have to be!
You will be, you are a strong person. It's going to hurt and take a while to settle down if that's the case but you will come through the other side.
I feel like this is what is happening to me! I don't mean to jump in at the end of the convo here but... I have been "seeing" a girl for a few months. She led me on and I fell for her. Then she slept with someone else and I was devastated. She told me she has to be able to see other people and I am so far into her that I agreed so I wouldn't lose her! What an idiot. I feel hopeless.
You aren't an idiot nor hopeless. You fell in love! Nothing more natural in the human experience. Now you have a job to do, though. You have to get your head into a better place, and then take positive steps to pursue joy in your life. You can do it.
Hey I am really sorry she did this to you, it's really unfair. I know you don't want to lose her but you need to be honest with yourself about whether you think you are ok with being in a relationship or not. There is no shame either way, some people are fine with them, I know I couldn't be in one and if you can't that's fine. As RJay said nothing here makes you an idiot or hopeless. When you find the right girls she will appreciate that you are totally into her.
I haven't been here for a while; but I do come back from time to time to check. Oh that is so true, been there done that and I still feel the scars. Cinnamon Bunny this statement is so true, having a crush on someone who just wants to be friends with you or just wants you out of your life. Hopefully you can still talk to them but it will be tough. I am sure there is someone out there for you.
