So... my dad recently found out I was trans. Bearing in mind that he is homophobic and transphobic it didn't go well. For 4 days he refused to speak to me or acknowledge that I existed. He took my phone away for 1 week, then cancelled Netflix and took away my wifi for 2 weeks. My mum told him because I had suggested binding/ packing to her. Also, in now frequent arguments my preferred name (Scott) is used as an insult. My mum has already refused to call me by my preferred name and pronouns which hurt but I accepted. The topic is no longer talked about and I'm forbidden from watching or mentioning anything to do with LGBTQ+ I know this isn't that much of a bad situation in comparison to perhaps your own or others, but I really don't know what to do next. I've no siblings to talk about it to, and I don't want to put it on my mates (not that you all aren't )as a lot of them won't understand. My dad has already demonised and banned all contact from one of my close friends just because of her sexuality. Enough wittering on- any ideas on my next move?
Well, it seems that any attempt with either of them isn't going to work so you're hands are pretty tied here. Maybe there's a family member who's more open minded that can try to get your Mom to ease up on your lock-down. Outside of that I'd suggest spending as little time as possible at home and expanding your hobbies to distract from the dysphoria. And don't mention anything LGBTQ to them, as it just seems to make your situation worse. It might be best to start thinking about moving out when possible. As long as your under their thumb they're not going to put much stock in respecting you. Sorry you're in such a bad situation.
Hi Scott, I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult situation at home and you are definitely not wittering. It sounds pretty awful actually and you have every right to be upset. The main priority is your safety and security, so my first question is do you feel safe? Your dad is homophobic and transphobic and your mum is being pretty hurtful too with her comments and refusal to acknowledge your feelings, so is there any chance that things might escalate? Do you think there is any chance of your parents coming round if they are able to connect with other parents who are going through, or have been through the same process with their kids? If so, you could signpost them to some really good organisations. Even if they only look at the websites and download some resources, it would be a start. Very often, extreme parental reactions come from a lack of understanding and awareness of trans issues and good degree of fear too. It's really important that you talk about your feelings and don't minimise them. Your mates are there to back you up and offer support, even if they don't fully understand. As a friend I'd want to do what I could to help and I'd also want to make an effort to understand, so do lean on them when you need an outlet and lean on us too.
(Hope the quoting thing worked) Most of my family are of the older generation, or under 6. I could try to talk with my cousins, who are of a similar age to me but they live quite far away and it's hard as my dad has fallen out majorly with his parents and their mum (his sister). My lockdown is over now but tensions are still running high. In our latest argument he said that he would move if I carried on with this but I'm to the point now that I just don't care - I want him to leave. Thanks for your advice, I hadn't really considered moving yet, but I'm definitely gonna spend more time with my mates
I feel safe around my mum because even after this I feel I can trust her. I've never really felt the same way about my dad; when he is around I feel constantly on edge - even before this incident. I think it's to do with the fact that he shouted a lot on the smallest thing when I was very young. He suffers from severe depression and anxiety but I believe he has stopped taking meds for it or seeking help, tho I'm not too sure. My mum is very headstrong and stubborn so I'm not sure she would be open to organisations - but if I could convince her she would be able to convince dad easily (they have a very uneasy marriage and he doesn't want to be on the verge of being kicked out again). I don't think things will escalate physically as dad prides himself on never raising a hand to me. I really do believe that they don't understand what I'm saying, what I'm going through or how they're hurting me. My mum still believes it's a phase and 'everybody is doing it'. I doubt that she grasps that I've been going through this for 3 maybe 4 years (knowing I was trans) and she has only know for the past half. Thanks for replying tho, and empty closets has helped me a lot in general I think my dad is scared but trying to appear like he knows what I should do and shouldn't. I don't want to ram this down their throats but I'll see what I can do to help my situation
This is a quick but not short update. Here goes My haircut got cancelled on account of my hairdresser being sick, which me and my mum were both sad at but knew it couldn't be helped. I was gonna get is cut real short, but it's been pushed back now. My dad walks in from the shops. He asks mum what up - she tells him and then he storms upstairs to shout at me for being upset. Yay. So I start shouting at him. I can't remember what exact words were exchanged but there were was a lot of swear words on both sides to say the least. He storms into my room, takes my tech and shouts that I'm going to have no wifi for 2 weeks. He then shoves me into the bed and threatens me if I ever shout at him again. I shout at him again. I do love my decision making This turns into us screaming and pushing each other until my mum comes up starts kicking ass. Verbally. Cutting a lot of crying and stuff out, I'm in my room bawling whilst my dad walks out saying he is gonna spend as little time as possible in the house. My mum and me are happy about this. I've also confirmed my suspicions - he is no longer taking meds to seeking help for his mental issues. I don't know what to do next. Nobody freak out or call childline please. It's not that serious I don't think. Thank you all for your help and support so far
