1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Life alone

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by aussielefty, Aug 19, 2017.

  1. aussielefty

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2014
    Messages:
    338
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Australia
    So I've lived most of my adult life alone,
    most of the time im ok with it but there are times when I just wish I could have been married
    or had a partner or something.
    It feels like a life sentance, liek your in your own prison.
    But as much as I want all that, I dont know if I could ever handle being in a relationship.
    I've never had a relationship , with any one, only one night stands all my life.
    Dont even think I'm good enough for some one ,, Its hard to deal with when I have socail anxiety
    and other things....

    I know there is this big push for marrige equality in australia , and I hope it does happen
    but I dont know if I could marry another guy. Im not even sure I could be with some one, other than just for sexual stuff. its all thats ever happened to me..
    I wish it wasnt this way for me but it is.. are there others out there that feel like me??
     
    slowmo and Sonata like this.
  2. Blast

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2017
    Messages:
    510
    Likes Received:
    85
    Location:
    Cymru
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi. I am quite a loner too... I have no friends.

    But, I think, you are thinking about this the wrong way. You are talking about marriage etc and you have never even been on a date? Go on a date first... or just meet up with someone as friends on a possible date. Go to a coffee shop and hang out etc.

    What I am getting at is that it sounds as if you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. You are talking as if its all or nothing. But there is a lot to enjoy inbetween :slight_smile:
     
  3. JaimeGaye

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2017
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    156
    Location:
    Illinois
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Not certain of your own position in the world but if you think it is tough on only you as a gay man try being an effeminate gay biological appearing male who is emotionally and mentally female and has no desire to MTF transgender transition for a number of reasons.
    All I ever wanted was to be in a monogamous same sex marriage as the submissive side of the partnership and what I have received is a number of short term let's get together for a while and have fun which didn't even end in long term friendships.
    Does this make me or you different than cis gender people?
    Nope, relationships are just as hard to find, maintain and make last for straight people as they are for gay people.
    Admitting your basic nature has been to engage in one night usually impersonal hook ups yet confessing to wanting more suggests you may need to reflect on what you really want and how to achieve that goal.
    There is also a hint of a lack of self confidence and self worth in your post and you should address this with yourself as well.
    Your admission of successfully engaging in sexual contacts shows you are willing, capable, and able to engage with other gay men while your inability to achieve the goal of a long term relationship should be addressed and reflected on as something you may or may not really want out of life.
    Life is indeed a sentence in a prison we were all cast into without our express written consent and how well we succeed in completing our sentences is directly related to our willingness and capability to adapt.
     
    mnguy and Tomás1 like this.
  4. Tomás1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2016
    Messages:
    382
    Likes Received:
    74
    Location:
    San Francisco
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    JaimeGaye … I thought your response to aussielefty was insightful & perceptive … until I got to the last line that I quoted above, about life being "a sentence in a prison". I get that that's the way it feels to u. I don't have the same nature as u, I'm a bit more conventional, so I admit I don't know what it's like to be u.

    However, is it possible you're taking things to extreme in your head, regarding your nature? You're not in a prison (I don't think). Things would be much worse if u we're in a prison.

    I don't think it's wise to always be focusing on our intimate desires, or our perceived limitations. This makes more of them than they are. It's smarter to forget ourselves, get out in the dance & swim of life, do things we like to do … & see who seems to like the same things - just establish friendships, rather than shooting for the moon of the most awesome relationship we long for.
     
    mnguy likes this.
  5. JaimeGaye

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2017
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    156
    Location:
    Illinois
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    "Prison" is a subjective term in much the same way as the line from the Eagles Hotel California, "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave." :grin:
     
  6. aussielefty

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2014
    Messages:
    338
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Australia
    well thats kind of how I thought about it , like in that song
     
    JaimeGaye likes this.
  7. brainwashed

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2014
    Messages:
    2,141
    Likes Received:
    494
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    aussielefty you're doing exactly what I do and when I do it, it pisses me off. What is it? Overthinking! In my meditation class I learn to concentrate on the moment. Then I think, ok, what do I do to expand my boundaries? This helps so much and I do not get myself down about me as much.
     
    mnguy likes this.
  8. aussielefty

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2014
    Messages:
    338
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Australia
    Some times I wonder what it would be like in a relationship, lets forget sex for a minute ( yeah its tough!)
    but I have actually never ever been in a full relationshi, never even been on a date, other than hook ups n one nighters, dunno if you'd call them dates??
     
  9. Blast

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2017
    Messages:
    510
    Likes Received:
    85
    Location:
    Cymru
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    How about maybe setting yourself a goal to get one casual date just out to a coffee shop or bowling or something? What do you think of that?
     
    JaimeGaye likes this.
  10. JaimeGaye

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2017
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    156
    Location:
    Illinois
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You can't pick your family but you can pick your friends but you should never pick someone else's nose.
     
  11. aussielefty

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2014
    Messages:
    338
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Australia
    thats what I have been thinking of doing, I have actually joined the local Gay social club ,they seem nice enough guys but I dont know I dont want to be going to their meets with the intention of meeting some one, just so I dont put bigg pressure on myself