My friend and I had sex and it was really awkward

So this guy I know from a store I go to and I have been hanging out for about a month and last night he asked me if I wanted to make out with him, and one thing lead to another and before I knew it we were in bed, naked. We both agreed it felt really rushed and awkward... I feel terrible about it, today. He texted me about an hour ago some poem he read to me yesterday and I asked him what he was doing today and he didn't know. But I just feel really awkward about it all and there's this lingering anxiety hanging over me.

Anyway, I texted me ex boyfriend (who I'm still good friends with) and he said I shouldn't feel awkward, that things sometimes just get out of hand and that I should see this as an opportunity to build a better relationship with the guy. He also said my mindset about all of this is all wrong and I'm reading too deep into it, but God, there's a pit in my stomach and I feel like crap over this whole thing. I have an appointment with my therapist on Monday morning, hopefully she'll be able to put things in perspective for me...

 

Thanks for the input, you guys have basically backed up the assessment my ex boyfriend made of the situation. Still, I feel like a jerk because I really like him and I don't want him to feel awkward when he's with me, especially not in bed. We both kind of believe sex should be sacred and we both violated that, last night with sloppy, impromptu sex. He came, but I didn't, I didn't want to, I wanted it to e about him, I wanted to make him happy.

Tomorrow's his birthday, maybe I'll call him and say I'm sorry, I'm one of those people who never stops apologizing for stuff. Needless to say, I'm rattled, and have broken out my favorite vice: wine, early. But I appreciate the input a lot, you guys. One more thing, I'm almost 30 and he turns 22, tomorrow, I felt like a dirty old man, but my ex boyfriend told me age is just a number but I'm not sure I believe that.

 

This wasn't really a hookup, it was a spur of the moment kind of thing, and, like Chip said, I think the hormones just got the better of us. I can't honestly call it a hookup because I didn't meet this guy on an app or at a bar and I didn't even know he was gay until a couple weeks ago.

As far as my ex boyfriend goes, I text him all the time, he and I split amicably last year and agreed to stay good friends. Is there something wrong with asking someone I love(d) advice on what just happened with someone I might end up loving?

 

Well, I can't say I know anything about that. But like I said, it was very spur of the moment, he just suddenly asked if I wanted to make out, and then he asked me if I wanted to get in the bed, and before I knew it he was coming in my mouth. For the record, I didn't come, I really just wanted to do something nice for him.

But it felt rushed and we agreed it was awkward, and when he went home I was left with a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, one that lingered with me all day, yesterday and honestly something I can say I've never felt after sex. Call it shame, call it my Catholic guilt, call it whatever you want. It's a little better, today, but I still feel weird about it all.

 

Sorry for the double post, but I was talking to him on the phone a little while ago and it feels like everything's cool between us. We didn't talk about our little sexual escapade the other day, I was mostly calling him to wish him a happy birthday. Then he was telling me about particle colliders, he has ADHD so his mind really wanders from one topic to the next.

Anyway, he said he'd call me back in a bit, he had to do something, so naturally per my nervous nature I'm sitting by the phone, driving myself crazy, waiting for it to ring. The weird feeling I had is mostly gone, though, replaced with an anxiety about whether or not he's gonna call me back. I always do this to myself!

 

Well, I like him a lot, but there's a couple problems with my starting a relationship with him, a little background information first.

My father is a firebrand Protestant and conservative Republican, but he's totally cool with gay people, his little brother is gay, and my Dad has always said that I can love whoever I want and Jesus won't judge me for it.

My mother on the other hand, whom I live with, is a liberal Democrat and a gypsy who absolutely loathes the idea of homosexuality. I've told her about my sexuality and she refuses to believe that something like being bisexual exists and will from time to time ask me "Are you STILL gay?" And when I tell her "No, Mom, I'm bisexual," and she responds "You're full of shit." She's an extremely emotionally unstable person who I'm very interdependent on and she wouldn't like the idea of me dating a man, very much.

Then there's my own problems, I'm afraid of getting hurt, emotionally and am generally very untrusting of even my closest friends. I don't even trust my best friend further than I can throw him. I've been in love before, with a woman, but she hurt me badly, and left me as low as I could be. Her absence in my life has haunted me for a long time and I don't want to ever feel that way again.

I honestly would like to be friends with him, but I don't know if even at 29 I'm emotionally mature enough to handle a relationship...

 

My family means the world to me, I live with my mother and pay rent for room and board for her by choice-- I'm free to leave whenever I want, but every time I talk about leaving my Mom says "Please, don't go." So I do care a lot about what my family thinks.

My brother didn't care what our family thought and he had a girl run away from her home in Wisconsin when she turned 18 and come live with us in southeastern Pennsylvania and she was an unholy terror, horrible, horrible person who was abusive to me and mother. I don't want to run that risk of alienating myself from my family.

As far as getting hurt goes, I'll be 30 in November and I've never been in a relationship-- I feel like it's too late to start, that I missed the boat and all my friends around me are getting married and having children and I'm still the guy living at home with his mother. Like I said, my Mom and I are interdependent and codependent on each other.

 

I just got off a lengthy phone conversation with my friend who I had sex with. We didn't even talk about it, what we did, I mean, he was telling me for an hour and a half about his favorite thing: science. We talked about how the mantles of the earth and Mars are different, we talked about how a photon from the center of the sun takes a hundred thousand years to reach the earth. I don't think our friendship is compromised in any way. But I thank each and every one of you for your support over this most difficult of weekends. I really think Chip said it best, the hormones just got the best of us.