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I tried to ignore my dysphoria. Didn't work.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by JKCLC, Aug 19, 2017.

  1. JKCLC

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    USA
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    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
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    A few people
    I know I haven't posted in a while. I wasn't going to come back to this forum, because I thought talking about all this was making me feel worse. My reasoning was, I thought that the more I talked about my gender dysphoria on a daily basis, the more prevalent it would feel in my life.

    And since I don't intend on transitioning physically...yeah. I wanted to try to "forget" about it.

    But it's been so bad lately. :-( Not talking about it is actually making me feel even more anxious/self-loathing. I almost started venting about it to my husband before I remembered that it could destroy our home life, make everything weird, etc. He'd never look at me the same way again.

    I think it's the summer season. My wardrobe basically consists of summer dresses and ultra feminine clothes. I had bought all this a couple years ago when I tried to embrace my womanhood and feel comfortable in my own skin, yada yada yada. But now I don't want to wear ANY of it, because I don't feel like me, and my gender dysphoria gets worse every year. I buzzed my hair, too. I'm practically bald, and I still I don't feel masculine. I snuck out to Walmart around midnight a couple months ago and bought several clothes I felt comfortable in, but then when I actually tried to wear them in public, my family made me feel awkward. And since I'm not out, I just stopped. It's not like my stupid lady parts filled out the clothes right, anyway.

    I've gained some weight back, too, because I wasn't turning into a more masculine figure by working out, and I lost motivation.

    I'm just so done. I'm trying to figure out if I should see a therapist, and lie to my family about the reason for my sessions.

    Anyway...so yeah. I'm back! I don't know if I will ever feel good in my own skin, but I have plenty of days where I'm just so busy with life (work, three kids, husband, errands, appointments) that I don't have more than a moment to even think about all this, so I know I'll be ok. :slight_smile: I just want to learn how to manage my dysphoria better than I am.
     
  2. Zoe Kay

    Regular Member

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    A few people
    Welcome back! I'm new here and I know what you mean about ignoring or trying to bury your dysphoria.

    Your situation sounds like a really tricky one and its so hard to find anyone to talk to about it so I'm glad you are here with us. I think that is why we're all here.

    XX
    Zoe
     
  3. SomecallhimTim

    Regular Member

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    I personally think that if therapy is a viable option it's never a bad idea. Being able to talk with someone who is trained to help people in your situation could really help, and even if it doesn't it certainly wouldn't make things worse. It sounds like a really difficult situation though. I hope that you can figure something out.