Hi I am trying some solo butt play in preparation for anal with a guy. Got lube, a prostate toy and of course my finger. I've noticed that I cannot get my toy in very far, with lube, and relaxing as much as possible. It feels like I hit a wall of tissue at the point of my anus, whereas I expect there to just be a hole and things go straight in? I am able to have normal bowel movements without pain or any strain. I'm going to try with a lubed finger next. But any advice? It can't be this hard. I have been with guys (but not done anal sex) and one guy was able to finger me. I've also had haemerhoids a few years ago (all cleared up with injections) and the doctor was also able to do a digital exam and I had a colonoscopy so obviously things can get in there, but I seem to struggle. Any advice.
There is a ring of muscles beyond the pucker. My guess is that you are landing against that ring and thinking that it's a wall. It is not, but you need to take your time and be gentle in working your way to opening up to deeper penetration. It could be nerves, or that you are not aroused enough, or the angle of approach, or any other number of reasons you're having trouble getting through but with time and effort you'll manage.
Hmm so I tried again. Lots of lube and my finger (nail cut too!) did slide in pretty easily. It feels like I can feel the so-called wall but as I gently push my finger in slowly, the "wall" moves back. That's the sensation I get. I couldn't go much further due to the awkward position (fingering myself standing up). Bum was apart and I did relax my breathing which I notices relaxes things down there (but I didn't "bear down" as I've read some people do). As gross as it sounds, when I took my finger out I noticed some poo marks so I think I am hitting the right areas? The aim is to get used to the idea of having something in my bum for penetration, rather than pleasure/hitting the prostate (but I want to get that too).
In all honesty, after reading your initial thread, the one thing that confused me was when you mentioned that you could not locate a hole in your anus as if you have more than one hole. Not trying to be funny or sarcastic but I had to mention this.
It is also possible to be a bit too "excited" which causes you to tense up. It can be hard to relax, and lube is your best friend.
So, you have two sphincters there. Need to be patient (like waiting actual time) for them to relax before you can enjoy those nice rectal stretches. Seriously, don't fight your sphincters. They will win every time.
I wanted my very first partner inside me so bad but the whole thing was like-nope nope this ain't happening! Instead of getting mad and frustrated he started talking calmly to me, telling me to relax, then he told me if I really wanted him inside me to not tense up and EXPECT it to happen and instead when I felt him begin to penetrate me I should relax and use my muscles to bear down on my anus just like I would when I was having a poo and WANT it to happen. It worked! He was able to penetrate me and yes, there was a bit of pain but he didn't begin to immediately thrust and just lay on top of me with his penis inside which caused me to relax even more and this allowed him to begin thrusting without making me feel like my insides were being ripped apart. He told me he could feel when I was ready. I've followed his suggestions all my life and while not all my partners have been anywhere near as skilled as he his suggestions help even when a partner has all the finesse of a sex crazed bunny so receiving anal sex has become one of the things I don't dread but look forward to. HTH
The dildo isn't that big but i got a smaller toy (anero peridise), and this works better! Tried it just now for the same time (brought it yesterday) and it felt like I managed to get it at the gateway of my anus and/or just inside of it. I.E. when I was ejecting it, it wouldn't come out with ease (despite loads of lube I applied up there and on the toy). So feels like it was in the muscles of the scphinter (Sp?)? Hopefully that's a step in the right direction? The desription of the product is that contracting and release anal muscles will create some sort of orgasm, I did this and while I didn't get that (first time though), it was quite relaxing to experience those contractions (which were not involuntary). Usung water based lube and no pain at all.