Basically, I've always felt an attraction to girls and guys since I was 16 (I'm 21 now) but kind of repressed my attraction to girls and it's always been there in the back of my mind. However, this year I finally decided to not repress it anymore and I accepted that's who I was. I told my boyfriend (now ex), my best friend, my mum and stepdad and they were great. Completely accepted it. I haven't told my brother and sister yet but I know they'd accept it too. Since realising I'm bisexual, I've really struggled with the whole thing. Me and my boyfriend drifted apart to the point that we broke up. We talked about what was happening and why I was closing him off and I admitted it was because I don't know how I fully felt about girls and I didn't know if I was only bisexual. I told him I was terrified. We parted on good terms, he's really supportive and understands. It's been 3 weeks since then and I'm still struggling. I know that I'm more attracted to girls than guys, I know that and I know that if I tell my family and friends they'll be fine with it. So why am I so terrified of saying it to myself?
Hi elrose95! Welcome to EC! Admitting to ourselves that we are other-than-heterosexual can be truly terrifying. You are certainly not alone in your discomfort! Shame and internalized homophobia can cause us to deny and, in the long-term, block our ability to come to terms with understanding and accepting our own sexuality. Why, if I may ask, did you and your boyfriend break up? Was he uncomfortable with your Coming Out? Were you even more uncomfortable? Just asking...
dont think and just say, if u think the devil will get u and u will not say anything. the devil is in the mind, in the thought before the action. the only way that u can defeat it being not to think and just feel and speak without thought to the words that u would think.
The reason we broke up is because I didn't know how I fully felt about girls. I didn't know if I was bisexual or possibly a lesbian. I didn't want him to be stuck in a relationship with me whilst I was confused as to if I even wanted to be with him anymore. He fully accepted it and understood why I ended things and told me that if I ever needed him, he'd always be there and that being bisexual or a lesbian didn't change anything, he'd always be my best friend.
hi I find our stories similar...when I was in high school I would get crushes on boys but also girls BUT I always shrugged it off and said to myself that "I am just curious" or "I am not a lesbian" ... even though I was really supportive towards lgbtq people I couldn´t accept myself. It was probably because we live in a world where being "not-straight" is seen as "not normal" to some people so I was probably scared of it, scared to admit it to myself and also...there is not really bi representation in media or in general. Fast forward to when I was 21 and one day when I was on my way home from meeting with a friend (girl that I may had a little bit of crush back then ) and I randomly realised that I wouldn´t mind dating a girl as much as I wouldn´t mind dating a boy and that was it it was a great feeling to finally admit to myself that I also like girls. But to give you my advice on your problem. I had a period of time (like 2-3 weeks) when I refuse to label myself as bisexual because I knew that bisexuality is associated with lot of stereotypes. So for those 2-3 weeks I chose to not label myself and just "like girls and boys". That may be your problem, maybe you don´t need label and that´s fine you don´t have to have label, you can be just you and like whoever you like or you can have a label. It´s up to you and what is more comfortable. Also, you said that you prefer girls over boys. That´s also okay you can still be bisexual and like girs or boys more. You don ´t have to be 50/50. You can be 1/99 and you would still be bisexual if you choose to label yourself like that by the way, I also prefer girls more...I think they are just generraly nicer and easier to get on So I would just say you take your time really accepting it and figuring out what feels right to you coming out/admiting to yourself that you are not straight can be hard simple because we live in society where "straight" is the norm and it can be terrifying but you have people around you who are clearly supportive so that´s gonna be huge help it´s alway better when you surround yourself with positive and open people...good luck
Well, that's fair enough. But if you were in a relationship, did you at least try to talk to him about this? I mean, you are thinking right now that you are Bi. Shouldn't you have let him decide (with input and knowledge from you) whether or not the relationship was worth continuing? I'm not trying to be judgemental after the fact. I'm simply trying to provide perspective for the future. As Majush93 indicated, if you have ANY sexual and romantic attractions to both genders, regardless of whether or nor you tend to find many more people of one gender than of the other attractive, you would technically be bisexual. How you choose to identify, though, is up to you. So, maybe you're Bi or gay. Only you can know. And, ultimately, as far as I'm concerned, it only matters to you (and your romantic/sexual partners) in the longrun. But the most important thing (from my point of view) is that you understand and accept your own sexuality in order to be comfortable with yourself.
I did let him decide, we talked over everything, I told him how I felt and it was a mutual break up. We both decided it would be best for us to break up whilst I decided how I felt about girls. He works in the navy so it makes things a bit harder. We still talk most days and we've agreed to talk in person about everything when he's on leave.
Well, that's good, then. I definitely understand how hard things can be when your significant other is doing military service. Best wishes to you!
i think its normal to not wanna admit it to yourself. im the exact same. im in my late 20s and im dating my first girl and its been a year and i still find it hard/weird to admit this to myself. i still deny being a lesbian or anything coz like others have said social media and everything has made a stigma about life now. im sure it will come with time to us both. its super confusing but also i wouldnt change anything as im in a great relationship. your still young so just go out and have fun and explore,. somethings will fele right and some wont. it all comes down to the person you meet dont be hard on yourself life is short
