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My First Poem (Please Read)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by HayleyHP, Aug 13, 2017.

  1. HayleyHP

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    Today marks the middle of August,

    And quite possibly the middle of my life.

    But how can that be true when I’m only 16?

    Do I have a disease?

    Did I get into an accident that shortened my life?

    Or may it just be because of the people around me.

    Calling me a name I don't recognize,

    Using pronouns I don't want to hear.

    How come when a peacock shows it’s true colors,

    It attracts others.

    But when ever I show mine I am pushed away and forgotten.

    But that is not all,

    As I am accompanied by feelings that tear through me.

    Like bullets being shot through a glass window.

    How long before my window is broken and all my pieces fall to the floor?

    How long before there is too many pieces and I am unable to be put back together?

    How long before I am thrown away without a second thought and forgotten forever?

    How long before I'm lost for good?

    My life is like an outlined circle.

    The circle is complete except I’m in the middle,

    Where it’s empty and there’s nothing to look at.

    Everyone else is on it,

    But no one tries to reach me to pull me back.

    Where do I go from here?

    Where does the circle begin and end?

    I want to get back on the circle,

    But what if I go the wrong direction and find myself at the end.

    Envision a ocean,

    Where the water brushes up against the rocks near the shore.

    When you look up at the sky you notice it’s missing features.

    It's shrouded in darkness with no stars to fill the void.

    No stars to reveal the right path home.

    The sky is as empty as the ocean,

    Except for the one person at the bottom.

    Everyone worries about different things.

    Some worry about what they are going to do for a living,

    Others how they are going to pay their monthly bills.

    Scars start appearing on the world when people begin to worry about everything.

    Some worry about how their hair looks,

    Or if their nails look good.

    Only a few worry about if someone's okay,

    and if there not they give them a hand to hold.

    But the few that care cannot help the many that are drowning.

    They can hear when they are whispered to,

    But get no response when they shout back.

    It's been over a year and I still find myself in the water.

    Unable to move,

    And unable to breathe.

    With every gasp for air it is replaced with water,

    Filling up my lungs until I can no longer speak.

    I am not drowning because I can't swim,

    For it is the stones that are tied to my feet.

    For anyone that wants to check and make sure the grammar is correct at the end of each line, it would mean a lot because I wanted to post this on Poetry.com. Any other suggestions such as rewording and such would be helpful as well.
     
    #1 HayleyHP, Aug 13, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 13, 2017
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  2. musicboy123

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    This is very well done! I could tell that you're a very well-written person and that this poem was well worded and thought out. Is this really your first poem? It takes a lot of confidence and strength to publish this to the internet and to let your inner thoughts, feelings, and emotions to be shown naked and vulnerable for people to read. I truly admire that. The only grammatical error I noticed was the line where you wrote "envision a ocean" and it should be "envision an ocean". As for word choice, I think it is very intelligent and I am also a firm believer in art being personal to the artist and it conveying whatever decisions and choices the artist desires with their own thought process, so I think that the word choice is perfect for the what the poem is conveying. I wish you the best of luck and lots of love!!!! I'd love to read more in the future! :slight_smile:
     
  3. HayleyHP

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    A lot of thought has went into this poem, even though it only took around 6 hours to finish. I cried a lot during the writing process, but i'm unsure if that's a good or bad thing. To answer your question, yes this really is my first poem. All of the emotion was already there, it just needed to be written down. I hope all of my future works can be this good, but this one will definitely be my best as it deals with the most important part of me, which I think about daily. I showed one of my closest friends and he said it deserved some sort of award lol. Do you think so? I don't think it's that good to receive something like that.
     
    #3 HayleyHP, Aug 13, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 13, 2017
  4. TrevinMichael

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    sounds like a lot of growth happened while writing this.
    I am glad you wrote it. It shows part of who you are and where you are.

    Thanks for sharing this here.
     
  5. 13Matthias

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    You have some real talent, I can feel your emotions through the words which is amazing. Beautifully written. If you enjoy this creative expression keep at it! For me poetry is a really calming and good way to get my thoughts and feelings out. Thanks for sharing this :slight_smile: