Do you think it's a good idea to tell someone you're questioning?

I was in the same boat almost two years ago. The first person I told was the only openly queer person I knew, just to get it out. She didn't care if it turned out I was straight. If you have someone like that, queer or not, that'd be a good person to talk to.

The next person I told hung onto the fact that I was gay before I was sure I was gay. In the end, because I am gay, that worked out fine, but it might've been a little awkward if I was actually straight in the end. I'd recommend not coming out to someone like that - someone not actively a part of the queer community, either as an ally or as a queer person.

(Not that those in the queer community can't lack chill-ness in the face of a questioning individual. It's just that those that have questioned are probably a bit more understanding.)

The third person I told latched onto the 1% of me that was stick questioning at the time. She tried to convince me that I was confused and that it was just a face and all that fun crap I didn't need. Don't come out to that person until you're very comfortable with yourself.

However, the person that helped me the most was my counselor - he didn't care if I was straight or gay or whatever. He just wanted me to figure me out because that was his job. The personal feelings involved. It was great. If you have access to a counselor or someone distanced from your life, talk to them. (First check if they're LGBT+ friendly and all that. Some counselors suck.) I was able to get free counseling through my school, and I know that some insurance companies will pay for counseling.

But, overall, don't come out to someone who won't have your best interests in mind. Make sure it's someone you trust 100%. (This might seem obvious, but I failed at following that advice when I was questioning and it sucked.)

Hope my ramblings somehow helped!

 

Do you have someone around you that you really trust? Maybe you could tell that person and see what he/she thinks, especially if that person knows you a lot. That is, if it really is so important for you right now to let it out.

 

But test the water first, give some hint or start a conversation about homosexuality. See what that person think about it. If that person turned out a homophobe, then maybe it's not a good idea to come out to him/her.

 

As the people above have stated it depends a little on how you feel about it, there is no right or wrong, some people need to tell someone close that they are questioning and others like to have everything sorted in their mind before they tell anyone. Do you have someone in mind that you would tell if you decided you wanted to?

 

Well EC is a great place to start, everyone here is really friendly and lots of us arrived here in a very similar place to where you are now. I certainly did. Don't be afraid to talk to people here or ask questions and maybe once you feel a bit more comfortable in yourself you will know what to say to you sister or best friend.

 

I don't recall seeing a lot of people in this Forum who contemplated saying exactly "I'm questioning." People want categories. So it's not surprising that you (and we) don't have much idea what to expect. My guess is that it's "Coming Out Lite" and so could be easier to accept by others. Unless, as PennyT pointed out, they take it as a challenge to "save" you. But it just seems to me that it would be a better world if people just said they were questioning. So maybe you should contribute to that.

 

I think it could be a real weight off your chest. I know I needed it somewhat. But I couldn't have it. If you come out in such a wobbly way to someone who is unreceptive and might delegimise all your feelings that can be pretty dangerous and emotionally damaging to you in such a delicate stage. And almost everyone I could've come out to back when I was first questioning would have caused me a lot of damage. You have to trust a person much more than when you come out with a clearer mind and a secure label.

 

I did tell someone before I was 100% sure but then I was pretty confident that she would be supportive, I think it's entirely a personal thing.

 

THIS
But don't be afraid to talk to your parents or family members first if you feel they may be supportive of you and you sexuality.

 

Of course I can't speak for you or anyone one else but here's how it's been for me. Just like you I'm still in the process of figuring everything out. By now I'm pretty sure I'm at least somewhere on the spectrum other than straight but I'm still very unsure and insecure. Although I'm not comfortable with any label yet, I did tell 3 of my friends and I haven't regretted it. For me it was important to be able to talk to someone and get this of my chest. Because you only know what you feel and I had no idea if what I felt was different than what my straight friends felt. Talking about my thoughts and feelings with someone else has been very helpful to figure things out and it's great to have someone who will listen when I need to get something of my chest. Also, the freeom, relief and hapiness those coming outs brought with them, were a great indicator to me that I must be doing something right.

If you feel like you really want/or need to talk to someone, just pick someone you trust for 100% and whom you know will listen to your story. It's really great to have at least 1 person you can be honest with. Choose a time and place so you know you'll have the opportunity to really explain what you're feeling. tell them you hope that they won't judge you or hold this against you if you do end up being straight. I was really suprised of how easily people understood that I'm just not completely sure about everything.

But it's your choice. If you don't feel comfortable or you don't want to tell anyone yet, then don't. If you're not sure if these people will be understanding, it's better to wait until you're more confident. Don't let others make you doubt yourself even more.

I'm always here if you want to talk

 

I can only speak for myself, but it really helped me to talk about it with someone else. I spent a lot of years having internalized homophobia (and still haven't managed to completely kick it) so when I finally made myself come to terms with the fact that maybe I'm 'different', maybe I'm not straight, I spent a lot of time in my head trying to figure out my feelings. I wanted to 'be sure' before I came out and for that reason it was really difficult for me to come out, especially the first time.

I kind of went about it in a weird way I guess, the first person I came out to was a classmate, I guess you could call her a friend. Rumor had it that she was bi, but I tend to ignore all gossip and she had never really said one way or the other to me. I chose to come out to her, because if all went wrong, and I know it sounds awful of me to say, but I wasn't losing a life long best friend, you know. I wasn't exactly like you, but I wasn't too sure of my sexuality when I first came out, so I simply told her 'I like girls'. That's what I knew and that's what I was comfortable with at the time so that's what I went with. She was amazingly accepting and took everything in stride. It really helped me to have someone who was already a member of the community to talk to and to get advice from. She was a pretty important factor in me taking the step of coming out to other friends. Although like many other people have mentioned, I think the fact that her and I aren't too close also helped in coming out and in the advice that she gave me.

I don't know what kind of online presence you have, but I had also been on tumblr for a number of years before I came out so I had followers who 'knew me' fairly well. I was able to turn to some of them to talk out my feelings too. I'm not telling you to go make an account just to do this, but it is a suggestion of something that helped me a lot.

Don't feel forced to talk to someone about your feelings. It has to be in a context where you're comfortable with the person and the situation you're in. Make sure it's something you want to do and not something that you feel pressured to do.

I'm always available to help.

 

With sexuality a lot of things happen to make us who we are like personality, gender how we see our gender, how we interact with others.

We are we are and we are all beautiful. We all are worth so much love.

I am what I am and what I am is wonderfully beautiful.

 

People read all sorts of things into questioning.

Take time to be you. No matter what you are or what you become over time.

Celebrate your life.