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I hate LGBTQA community

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by dudette, Aug 16, 2017.

  1. dudette

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    I have noticed something weird about LGBTQA community. I have noticed that you hate heterosexuals and cisgenders. Furthermore, a lot of people in LGBTQA community want to prove that they are different from the rest of humanity which I find kinda bizarre. As Bisexual (or according to the asexuals, I could be considered asexual sex-positive), I have noticed that if I pretend to be heterosexual then many people in the community is hostile towards me (they tell me that I would never understand how to feels to be LGBTQA, etc.); however, when I was younger and depressed because I am attracted to same-sex, people would tell me its ok (LGBTQA, but also heterosexuals outside of LGBTQA community in greater degree). My point is that heterosexuals and cisgenders do not see me as someone different, and many of them did sympathize with me (I live in a very conservative country, but they told me that they also are sometimes attracted to same-gender. but they choose to call themselves heterosexuals because they do not imagine themselves marrying same-sex). Additionally, I have noticed something weird in my sexuality itself, I could call myself bisexual because I am romantically attracted two both genders, able to have sex with both genders, and I would be happy in homo and hetero relationship; however, since I do not pursue it or desire to have sexual relationship (I am also happy in asexual relationship) then I could be called asexual. My point is not "who am I", but I have noticed that if I call myself bisexual then some asexuals are a little bit hostile towards me because then they think that I am trying to prove that they are not asexuals, and if I call myself asexual then some bisexuals think that I am trying to prove that they are not really bisexuals.

    This is the reason I hate LGBTQA community because many of you assume that heterosexuals are the source of evil and ignorance, but through my experience they taught me that I am 100% normal even though I am attracted to both genders, and even though I do not pursue sexual relationship. Furthermore, I have also noticed that some people could have the same sexuality, but they would label themselves differently, as I have shown according to my experience, and particular members of community in LGBTQA would be a little hostile towards me just because I chose to label myself differently even though we feel the same way about our own sexuality. :frowning2: :frowning2: :frowning2:
     
  2. Creativemind

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    I don't hate heterosexuals or cis people.

    I don't think LGBT people are different than straight people, or should be different.

    But with that being said, I know where you're coming from. Gay people that hate hetero people and blame them for everything also really annoy me. Not every hetero person is a bad guy. And plenty of gay people discriminate against other gays.

    This is proof that a lot of LGBT people are assholes, and I wouldn't listen to them.
     
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  3. I'm gay

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    For you to hate an entire community because of the actions of a few is just as wrong as what you accuse the LGBT community of doing. Not everyone in the LGBT community believes as you suggest we ALL do.

    I understand your frustrations, and the treatment you've gotten from some people is terrible. But please don't lump everyone together and assume everyone thinks like that. Most of us don't. Perhaps you've heard from some particularly nasty individuals and so it seems more prevalent to you than it is in reality for the majority of us.

    Most of us do not hate heterosexuals and cis-gendered people. Most of us don't hate anyone.
     
  4. DayByDay

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    I completely agree with Creativemind and I'm gay. There are hateful people in every community, and I am genuinely sorry that you had to deal with those people. However, you can't judge an entire community based on the actions of a few people. I would never say that all heterosexual people are homophobic and hateful because it's simply not true. I would also never say all that all LGBTQ+ people are perfect, and vise versa.
     
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  5. Destroyed

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    I always ask myself. Why do we make excuses for most heteros ignornace(global perspective) and hatred that kills many lgbtq's through denial of healthcare, equality,bullying and violence but are quick to attack lgbtq's that may be frustrated by the inequality and live through it each day. I find that super homophobic and self hating.
    You should use that understanding to your brothers and sisters as they fight tougher battles each day but your harshly hating them, using excuses to mask your own uncomfortability of belonging to the community that is different from the supposed norm. Your even sadly wiping out heterosexuality to fit into your own sexuality, which is sad, a hetero is just hetero, he/she doesnt find same sex attractive sexually and emotionally. Your talking about people who are invisible and lgbtq and looking up to them and saying its all good and healthy.
     
    #5 Destroyed, Aug 16, 2017
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  6. Twist

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    I understand your frustration, but as others have said, lumping an entire "community" of people as all being "haters" just because there is a subsection that do, is like lumping all humans as obese because a segment of the population on earth is.

    I have also ran into problems with hatred and lack of acceptance within the gay community. (Ie: because I'm bi/pan. I'm asian with a white partner. Etc) That doesn't mean I accept everyone is such judgemental asshats.
     
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  7. dudette

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    I know that not all the members of LGBTQA community are like this only some, but because of the some, sometimes I think that LGBTQA community is trying to separate people with different sexualities and genders from heterosexuals and cisgenders as far as possible.
    The some LGBTQA members who are the loudest, very often do that by saying that we (including me, you and everyone with different sexuality or gender) are different from heterosexuals and cisgenders, but we are not. we (including non-LGBTQA) are all humans at the end, and even though they are heterosexuals and cisgenders, they still sympathize with us, and they understand us, and they do not see us as different.
    Additionally, some LGBTQA members who are the loudest, say that heterosexuals and cisgenders are not allowed to question us (why we are born gay or bisexual or how it feels to be bisexual or gay, for example I asked this question "why are we gay or bi?", and I got interesting answers that it might be genetically or environment or etc., but when I asked the same question pretending to be heterosexual then I was told to fuck off because I will never understand). I just cannot be part of a community which allows some members to discriminate against heterosexuals and cisgenders, and tell other LGBTQA members that they are different from heterosexuals and cisgenders, and they are the source of evil, and the same situations is within LGBTQA community (saying that they are different, and that other LGBTQA members will never understand them, and they are source of evil just because they have different sexual orientation), for example some gays against non-gays or some asexuals against sexuals or some lesbians against non-lesbians, etc. etc.
    I am sorry, but I just can't. :frowning2:
     
    #7 dudette, Aug 16, 2017
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  8. baristajedi

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    When someone begins a post with "I hate..." I don't have a lot of empathy for them. But I think what I'm hearing from you is that you're struggling with an internal conflict. It seems like you're projecting that internal conflict onto others. Please kindly don't lump an entire community into your bundle of fears/internal strife/hate.
     
  9. grass

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    Most crap that comes from the community is about labeling yourself and other people. People sometimes categorize themselves because they want to be more queer, if that makes sense. Some LGBT people make stereotypes about straight and cis people and are being as much assholes as the straight/cis people they complain about.
     
  10. DayByDay

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    Look, like I said before, there is going to be hateful people in every community but I think it's wrong to say that those are the "loudest" voices. Don't you think that gives those people more power? If you focus on the bad, that's all you will ever see. Many people, including myself, come to forums like this one because they don't feel accepted in their normal life or are just looking for a safe place to talk and get some support. When you come on here and put an entire community into this group based off of the actions of a few, you are bringing hate into an environment that is supposed to be safe and judgement free. I would encourage you to seriously think about what you are doing.
     
    #10 DayByDay, Aug 16, 2017
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  11. DirectionNorth

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    While I certainly understand where you're coming from, what comes to mind is it seems more of a personal attack thing. Meaning, those few in the lgbt community who are against heteros might have been really hurt emotionally and/or figuratively by heteros in their life or may have been threatened with or had to do conversion therapy or possibly 'corrective' rape- all by heteros and heteros in positions of power like police, doctors, parents, etc. Or known people, either family or friends who've been through hell or even killed by heteros.

    I do know there are alot of heteros who are very supportive and nurturing and protective of gays. But the responses of the people in the community (lesbians hating bi's, hating asexuals, hating straight, etc) could imply they have some kind of history and get defensive. Although hopefully they learn soon that not all heteros will hurt them or not all bisexuals will try to push a lesbian into a threesome with their boyfriend.

    But I just wanted to put in my two cents that, while some people may simply be following what they think the crowd is doing and think it's a trend to discriminate against people simply because of a sexual preference label (I'm talking about people in the lgbt community), there are some who really have been traumatized and speak from a place of having been hurt or protecting themselves from homophobic ridicule (getting defensive when asked questions like why are some people gay, etc.) That could be triggering when parents were questioning(scrutinizing)them for 'a tiny sliver of hope they might not be gay' and trying to invalidate their sexuality.
     
    #11 DirectionNorth, Aug 16, 2017
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  12. Soundofmusic

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    "The some LGBTQA members who are the loudest, very often do that by saying that we (including me, you and everyone with different sexuality or gender) are different from heterosexuals and cisgenders, but we are not. we (including non-LGBTQA) are all humans at the end, and even though they are heterosexuals and cisgenders, they still sympathize with us, and they understand us, and they do not see us as different"

    I get what you are trying to say and I agree to a certain extent. If we continue to separate us from "them", how do we expect people to treat us as equal, right? But I think this has to do with the fact that this has been a marginalized community for so long, and it's just now where their (and I don't include myself because I am SO new to this) voices are being heard, they are finally getting rights, etc. But for a long time, they were all each other had, so the sense of community and protection within that is strong, and it can be alienating and hateful. But as time passes and things become more normal in society, I hope that we no longer have to be seen as a community that's separate from society but rather as a part of it.
     
    #12 Soundofmusic, Aug 16, 2017
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  13. I'm gay

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    In some ways, we are different. Sure, we're all humans, but we don't all enjoy the privilege that comes from being straight. Also, as evidenced by this week's events in Charlottesville, there are still so many people in the world who do not sympathize with us or understand us. So many millions and millions of people throughout the world do see us as different. We have seen a great increase in acceptance levels around the world, but it's still sad sometimes to see how far we still have to go.

    So one person or group of people told you to fuck off in one particular instance for asking that question, so you then make it seem as if this attitude represents all LGBT people. You need to stop generalizing all people from limited experiences. Most gay people I know would be willing to sit down with a straight person and have an honest and open conversation about being gay. I would never tell someone to fuck off who is seeking to understand - assuming I believed their curiosity was sincere.

    I got some bad news for you, then. You are a part of the LGBT community simply because you are not straight. You can't not be a member of the community. You can choose to avoid everyone else in the community, and you can choose to not participate in any events, and you can choose to surround yourself with all straight people. You will still be a member of the community, however.

    In addition, your paragraph here doesn't really make sense to me. How exactly are LGBT people discriminating against heterosexuals? Are we denying them jobs, refusing to provide goods and services, denying them housing, banning them from military service? This is delusional thinking. In my opinion, most heterosexuals will never understand me. They just don't have a frame of reference for having attraction to members of the same sex and all that being gay means for me and my life. I don't hate them for their lack of understanding, but it's not wrong or unfair for me to state that fact. They simply can't understand what living in the closet feels like, or understand what it feels like to feel the fear and pain that so many of us have gone through.

    The problem I have with your post is that you take the opinion of a few LGBT people who have an extreme reaction and apply it to all of us. While I don't think heterosexuals can truly understand me, I don't hate them or think they are the "source of evil." Nor do I believe that's a feeling that's prevalent in the LGBT community. Maybe you're just hanging around the wrong people.
     
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  14. Jon Jon

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    I get stuck with this point, because it's not true.

    I wonder if it's the people that you hang with because I've rarely experienced LGBTQA people who are like what you describe. Certainly not the loudest or most prominent people.
     
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  15. Creativemind

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    To add on to this: EVERY person in the LGBT community is different. We all have different experiences.

    I don't even relate to most people here on EC. I will never understand what It's like to question your sexuality. I knew I was attracted to the same sex since I was eight years old. There was never questioning or curiosity involved, It's always been there. I will never understand what It's like to be in the closet, either. My parents raised me to support LGBT way before I knew I was gay. The minute I knew I was gay, I told my family and they accepted it instantly. I was never 'in the closet' to anyone. Everyone knew the moment I knew. I will never understand the strong sexual desires most gay people have for the same sex (or straight people for the opposite sex). I have a low libido, and believe that sex is for relationships. All the talk about hooking up is something I don't get and can't experience. And...I will never understand what It's like to hate heterosexuals or distrust them. I like heterosexuals, I even write about them. I just don't share their feelings of attraction.

    Not all of us are the same nor do we have the same experiences or mindset. I could whine about the fact that I don't relate to the LGBT community and I feel no sense of community to any of them (which is true). But I can accept that I don't have to fit a criteria to be a part of it. And so should you.
     
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  16. dudette

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    I do realize that I am part of the community, I do not have a problem with that :slight_smile:. However, maybe I was just lucky to live in a place where people accepted people with different sexualities like myself. I mean, I just have very good experience with heterosexuals and acceptance by them (of course not all of them, but most of them in a conservative country). To be honest one of the reasons, I was able to come out of the closet was because of heterosexuals and their acceptance (yes, LGBTQA community also played a role here). And when I see things like "heterosexuals do not accept LGBTQA" then it breaks my heart, because I had just opposite experience. This is what I find discriminating against heterosexuals:- "assumption that they do not accept us", "assumption that they do not sympathize with us", "I don't hate them for their lack of understanding", etc. (it is like saying that Polish people by nature are anti-semitic or Polish people by nature have lower IQ than the rest of the world or I do not hate Poles for being stupid) For example I have noticed that some LGBT members take few heterosexuals who are not accepting LGBT, and you generalize that most of heterosexuals "do not sympathize with LGBT or do not understand LGBT". Every time, when I visit some LGBT forum, I have to read about things like "heterosexual will never understand" or "heterosexual will never sympathize" which I found in my life to be false. I do agree that there are some heterosexuals who do not accept us, but they are the loudest, but some LGBT think that most heterosexuals are like this, and they generalize them to be the source of evil. This is the point which I wanted to make! I cannot be the only one who had a very good experience with most heterosexuals and cisgenders, and their acceptance and their understanding of LGBT. I cannot be the only one who knows that people who protest against LGBT are just minority, and not majority of heterosexuals. And we have agreed that some people in LGBT and outside of LGBT always going to hate and discriminate people of different sexuality like with the skin color. Furthremore, since LGBT is supposed to find against discrimination against different sexual orientations then it is also supposed to fight against discrimination of heterosexuals because it is still a sexual orientations. (discriminations can also be vocal such as making a stereotypes of heterosexuals or cisgenders like I have shown).
     
    #16 dudette, Aug 16, 2017
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  17. silverhalo

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    I don't think it's that people don't agree with parts of what you are saying but for me the upsetting part is the way you write your posts, You are here on an LGBT forum slating the community we all belong to in a slightly aggressive manner so I wonder exactly how you expected people to respond. On the one hand you accept you are part of this community and that your comments do not apply to all of the community but then in the next breath you say
    "For example I have noticed that some LGBT members take few heterosexuals who are not accepting LGBT, and you generalize that most of heterosexuals "do not sympathize with LGBT or do not understand LGBT"

    Your use of the word you feels like a direct attack on everyone reading your post. I don't think anyone is denying the unfortunate presence of discrimination within the LGBT community and that is a truely sad fact.

    Most of my friends are straight and I have received great support from heterosexual people but just because that was our experience you can't assume that was the same for everyone, and it is true that they shouldn't blame all heterosexuals but then 2 wrongs don't make a right and by posting a thread like this you are doing exactly the same to the LGBT community.

    It is a fact of life that often negativity shouts louder than positivity, you only have to sometimes look at reviews for places or things, people are much more likely to write a review if they are upset or annoyed or disappointed in something as appposed to happy or pleased. By all means rant that sometimes people put the negativity of some on the name of the many but don't make your voice an equal voice of hate in opposition.

    I don't know where you live, I live in the uk which must be one of the best places to be gay on the whole and I heard on the news the other day that in a survey 49% of people said they were supportive of LGBT people, that's not even half and it includes all the LGBT people. 51% disagreed or said they didn't know.

    I'm not sure either side should be labelled as the source of evil, it is the negativity that is evil.
     
  18. dudette

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    I will probably get banned from here soon anyways by saying this, but look sometimes people pass on the anger if subconsciously they are angry about something. I do not know where you people are from (Africa or Middle East? in my personal opinion), but I lived in both east and west Europe for my majority of my life, and each of the time most of the people were supportive. When I was younger I used to believe in statistics which LGBT gave (for example in this country only 30% of the population accepts LGBT), but by asking people directly about this I have found out to be just false, I have found out that out of 100 people only 1 did not accept me, and called me disgusting for being attracted to the same-sex. They have told me that I am normal, they have told me that it is normal to be attracted to the same-sex. Now whenever, I try to explain to someone from the community that he/she/they are normal. They would get frustrated, and they would me that they are not normal because they are bi or gay or transgender, etc, and it is something not typical among the humans, and she/he/they have to be part of LGBT community because they will never be accepted by the majority of the population (even though I was fully accepted by majority of the population). I believe through my life experience in the west and east Europe that it very highly possible that LGBT is not hated anymore (at least among my generation) among the population. Furthermore, I have seen things which cannot be easily described, I talked to people who have voted for a conservative party (which is against gay marriage), but they still support gay marriage, and they told me that they have voted for a conservative party just because they support most of the ideology and economical point of view of that party, and even though the conservative party did not support gay marriage, it was still better choice for them to vote conservative than liberal because they disagree with majority of what liberal party offered (from ideological and economical point of view), and they find LGBT discriminating because they call them homophobes, even though they are not, they just disagree with the majority of what liberals offer in economical and idealistic point of views. I talked to people who support LGBT pride day, but at the same time they feel discriminated because they are not allowed to show their pride of being heterosexuals during that day, they can only come as allies of specific sexual orientation, even though heterosexuality is a sexual orientation. I have talked to people who are religious (Christians), I have learned that according to the Christian teachings LGBT is not a sin, and they accept someone who is born gay or bi or transgender or etc., but action to them is a sin (for example they see masturbation as a sin or heterosexual sex before marriage as sin or even heterosexual sex in marriage as sin if it is recreational); additionally, I have learned that Christians see creation of another human being through sex as something extraordinary/holy (thus, they fear if they allow gay marriages then marriage will no longer be something extraordinary/holy because it will not produce another human being), what I am trying to say is that (since religion is a religions and not knowledge, and religion is something what our ancestors used to believe because they could not explain things through science such as how come after sex another human being is created) the religion itself would loose its meaning and historical background, and it would just become a tradition (at least for the religious people), and the religious people see LGBT as discrimination against them because they are not allowed to keep their religion as it was created (they are not allowed to see creation of another human being through sex as something extraordinary/holy, and for them marriage and creating another human being are strictly bonded together).
    I have talked to people who make fun of LGBT, they told me that they make fun of everyone on regular basis (they do it because they do not know what to say, and they do not mind if you make fun of them because they see it as something natural when it comes to human conversations), and they find it discriminating that LGBT takes them too seriously.

    What I am trying to say is that heterosexuals and cisgenders gave me love and understanding, and they have also explained what they find discriminating against LGBT, and why they behave they way they do, even though they accept me as normal and one of them.
    By talking to them directly, I have noticed the negative impacts of LGBT and the misunderstandings between us and them.
    Therefore, as part of LGBT, I see myself as normal, and not abnormal; thus, outside of LGBT, but at the same time I see heterosexuals and cisgenders as part of LGBT because they belong with us, and we belong with them. As part of LGBT, I see no point of division between LGBT and non-LGBT.

    Now go ahead and ban me from this forum or tell me that I am self-hating bisexual (I am ok with that because I was told that couple of times) because I see heterosexuals as equal, and I see myself as normal and belonging to the rest of the humanity, and not seeing LGBT as perfect organization.
     
    #18 dudette, Aug 16, 2017
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  19. DayByDay

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    This post makes me so unbelievably frustrated, I don't even know where to begin.

    Okay, and that's great that you got that response from people but everyone has their own experience. I know for a fact that I if I come out completely I will not be accepted by at least half the people in my town.

    That is just completely false. I'm sure that it is much more widely accepted than it was years ago, and that's a great thing! I think pretty much everyone in the community can accept that. However, there is still a lot of change that needs to happen before we can reach that point.

    Okay, again that's really great for you but not everyone is so accepting. I live in an unbelievably conservative and religious town and I would not feel safe coming out to many of the people here. I'm not saying that everyone in my town wouldn't accept me but there are far fewer people that would accept me than those who wouldn't.

    This argument is not dissimilar to the all lives matter argument. Sure, all lives do matter, but the phrase, "black lives matter", was created because of specific problems that were happening in the African American community that weren't occurring in other communities. At the same time, LGBT pride day wasn't created because we believe that heterosexuals shouldn't be proud of who they are. Pride month and the pride parade started because of the Stonewall riots and because LGBT+ people didn't feel like they could be openly proud of who they are. Also, nobody is saying that heterosexuals can't be proud of who they are or celebrate pride. However, if they do celebrate pride month, one would hope that they would be an ally. I can't really see a straight person who isn't an ally even wanting to celebrate pride though.

    Again, that's great that you have had such a wonderful experience with straight people. However, pretty much no one here has said that all straight people are hateful. I am sure that many of them, if not most, are very accepting but there is always going to be hateful people in every community. (Including the LGBTQA+ community)

    What?? You don't have to live in a country like that to be discriminated against. I live in American and would never feel safe coming out to most people in my town and I know that I am not alone in feeling this way. Again, I'm not saying there aren't people or places in American that are not accepting, that's just my current situation.

    I can pretty much say with 100% certainty that the basically nobody on here thinks they are better than anyone else merely because they are part of the LGBTQ+ community.
     
    #19 DayByDay, Aug 16, 2017
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  20. DayByDay

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    Also, I apologize for my political/controversial analogy. It was just the first thing that came to my mind.