So, basically what the title says. I need advice on methods to come out. At this point I'm sure I want to come out, at least to close friends and immediate family, but I'm not sure how to go about doing it. There's a part of me that just wants to get it over with. One Facebook post and done, the whole rip off the band-aid fast technique. One post to write, one click to post, simple, elegant, done. I'm confident that the majority of my friends, and most of my immediate family, will be accepting, and I've heard that there are ways to hide posts for those people (mostly older family members) I don't trust. However this method seems really impersonal, and I can't help but think that some people might wonder why I didn't feel comfortable enough to tell them in person. There are definable some people I want to tell in person (my mom, my dad, my brother). And I do think that it might be a good idea to practice coming out to closer friends before doing something big and public. However, that brings up other questions. Mainly how to go about it. How do I bring that up in a conversation? Just out and saying "Oh, by the way, I'm Bisexual" seems pretty lame, and awkward. However, if I wait for it to just come up in conversation, maybe while taking about how I haven't dated anyone recently or something, I feel like it could take a long time, likely longer then I want to wait. Is there some way to bring it up, or steer a conversation that way, without obviously forcing it? And when that does happen, when I do get an opportunity to bring it up without in it being weird or forced, how do I keep from chickening out? I've already tried to come out to close friends a few times, and despite the conversation being in a good place, I've been to scared to act. I'd appreciate any feedback or suggestions you can give. At this point I'm mostly weighing my options, and I'd like to know what they are.
The very first time I came out was over text. I know that's probably not the best way but it was the only way I was going to do it because I just couldn't say the words "I'm bisexual" out loud. But once I did tell that one person and had a conversation with them about it, I felt much more comfortable actually saying it to people. Maybe you could try this and see? It definitely helped me since I went about 6 months trying to tell people but i couldn't get the words out. I've also found it helps if they kinda ask you. For example I was talking about a girl I had a crush on and my friend was like "wait, are you gay???" and I said "no i'm bi". So maybe talk about any guys or even celebrity crushes and see what they say It's also easy to come out to other lgbtq people because you know they'll be completely accepting. As for parents, I still have no idea as I haven't come out to mine. Good luck!
Thanks for the reply. Its funny, but I've only ever told one person, and It happened just like you discribed. She asked me if I was gay, and I had to come out as Bi or lie and say I was straight. I don't like lying if i can avoid it, so out I came. She was also gay, so that definately helped, since I knew she wouldn't judge me. As for talking about crushes and such, that might work. My friends don't talk about who were crushing on much, but since most of us are single we do spend alot of time complaining about how hard it is to find a date. I could drop some hints there maybe? Anyway thanls for the response, Its deffinately given me some stuff to think about.
Hey jam93, How you choose to Come Out is totally up to you. I would say that my personal thought process is much like yours in that I felt it was best to Come Out to some people (my family and closest friends) in person or on the phone (if meeting them face-to-face wasn't possible at that point in time). After that, I didn't really care how anyone else found out. I think Coming Out in person the first time is hardest and it tends to get easier from there. I agree with tay98 that leading a conversation to get them to ask you can make it somewhat easier. There are multiple ways that I can think of to do that, such as wearing LGBTQ clothing or jewelry (such as a wristband in bisexual colors) and having your friends/family ask you about it. (And if they don't ask about it, you could simply point it out and make a leading statement like you finally felt ready to show some Pride...and the conversation could go from there.) For your family, perhaps you could hang a Bisexual Pride flag in your room or have a Bisexual Pride flag sticker or patch on a book, notebook, backpack, or something else that you carry around a lot. You ask someone (friends, family) if you could tell them something very personal and private about yourself. That could set the stage and sort of back you into a corner (that you intentionally want to be backed into) since now they will be expecting you to tell them something significant. You could, perhaps, make an off-hand comment that you read an article/saw a TV show about a guy or were talking to a guy who "is Bisexual, like me, and he said ...*something relevant to bisexuality* and I thought that was interesting/or I agree with that." Or something along those lines? Of course, you could also simply write a note that says "I'm Bisexual" and hand it to someone that you want to Come Out to in person. Just some thoughts.
Ya I've been thinking that I want to come out to my imidiate family and close friends first, partly as practice and partly because I feel like they diserve to be told in person. After that I'll probably do something more public when I feel ready. Likely some king of "I'm Bi and I'm proud" post on facebook. I like the idea of wearing some kind of wristband to subtly anounce it. Its not big and flashy and in your face, but it's something that people could notice and ask about. It's also subtle enough that alot of people would probably overlook it, unless thier keyed into things like that, and thus likely more open to and excepting of them. I could also start liking and sharing things on facebook that have to do with bisexuality or LGBTQ issues. I have several friends who Post or share that stuff fairly regularly, and since thier the ones I'd be most confortable comming out to anyway, it could be a way to draw thier attention and get them to ask. I'll have to gove this all some thought, thanks for the suggestions.
My advice on "coming out" is pretty much the same across the board in most situations. Live your life the way you want, love who you want, and let everyone draw their own conclusions and/or come and ask you for specifics. I've never seen the need to announce to the populace who you like to fuck, I guess, although there seems to be a lot of people that do.
Thanks for the suggestions and comments, I really appreciate the feedback. The whole get them to ask you, or get them to bring it up thing really does help. I managed to come out to a few of my friends tonight when we were driving back form a gathering. One of them made a joke about being the only Bi guy in the group (I didn't actually know he was bi till then, I kind of thought he was gay actually). After a moments hesitation I told him he was wrong, that there were two Bi guys here. Everyone was confused, till I said it was me. Honestly their reaction's kind of disappointed me, not because they were bad, but because they didn't really react. They just nodded and one gave me a thumbs up. We then went on like nothing weird had been said. Dispite their lack of reaction, I'm still glad I told them. It feels good to let people know, even if they don't think it matters, and makes me feel more comfortable coming out to more of my friend group as occasions arise.
Congratulations, jam93! To me, that's the perfect kind of Coming Out. Just matter-of-factly where people recognize it by pausing to understand what you just very subtly told them (even if they were initially confused that it was specifically you that just Came Out to them), then not making any big deal out of it. If you think about it for a little bit, you definitely should NOT be disappointed! While Coming Out is a HUGE deal (emotionally) for us, it shouldn't be (and hopefully isn't) a big deal for our friends and family. Your friends' 'simple' acceptance speaks volumes about how accepting they truly are, from my point of view, at least! Now you can just be openly and honestly 'you' with this group of friends! That's a major milestone and a huge plus for you!
hi it´s okay to feel scared about it sometimes...I had also chickened out when I tried to tell few people. Sometimes you may not just be ready but I am sure you find your courage and do it. I would suggest telling one person you trust at first and maybe then (after their good and positive reaction) choose to tell it to other people. From my experience, the very first coming out to my best friend was the hardest (and also my mum ) but after that it got easier, not really easy but I could bring the topic more easily and really said it out loud.
