I feel like I'm forcing myself to act more feminine.

Ok. This will be a long one. I'm a transguy, and as I've started to pass better, I've felt more comfortable being more feminine. I would express myself in more feminine ways, I felt more confident, and I would enjoy it. But then I started to wonder if I was growing out of being trans due to my more feminine expression. I have OCD, so whenever I would do something feminine, I would say to myself, "Well, shit. I guess I'm not actually trans, then." I knew I was being irrational, but that didn't stop my OCD. Eventually, after watching some affirming videos on good ol' youtube of feminine transguys, I felt comfortable in my femininity again and didn't doubt that I was trans. And then the next day, I believe it was the Fourth of July, boom. I suddenly didn't feel feminine. I felt really masculine. I didn't really care at first. Feeling more masculine and more feminine sometimes was normal, and I knew that. But my femininity didn't really come back. I feel like I lost a part of myself. When I could act feminine, I was confident. Before that, I was never confident. I was (and still am) bullied at school, and had zero social skills. I wanted that feminine part of me back. I also was beginning to find masculinity to be slightly boring. I don't know, it's hard to explain. But ever since then, I've been trying to connect with my feminine side again, but I keep worrying that it's forced. I don't even know if it's my OCD at this point or not. All I know is I used to be confident, happy, and able to connect with both my feminine side and my masculine side. Now I feel unable to connect with my feminine side, and when I do, part of me wonders if it's forced, and I'm just repressing masculinity in order to do so. I've been so damn confused all summer. My OCD has been fucking killing me. Advice???

 

Try to focus more on doing what you want and not focus on the feminine/masculine labels. Its helped me a lot, albeit im not trans, just a fem male.