Recently I've come to realization that I have absolutely no issue or reservation with me possibly not being straight. Ever since i've fallen for a woman, maybe because there was so much on my plate, I did not have time to dwell on the fact that I may like women. It's been more of fascination rather than a burden. Of course it was a huge shocker for a while, but not bad at all. It was a matter of getting used to the idea. I love the fact that I may not be straight. There is a much, much bigger angle, more of reality, more color, extra dimension to everything. It is more of a grown, richer feel about life and who I am. And looking in the mirror makes me pause. Does anyone else feel your eye checking yourself out from a woman's perspective (who is actually you)? Can anyone else relate?
It's so great to here that you're happy knowing that you may not be straight. And honestly, there are some moments I "check myself out" when I wear dresses or something nice that I normally never wear.
I'm a coward and never convinced myself to come out, but I can relate in that it never really bothered me to realize that I'm gay. I wouldn't change it if I could.
When I discover that I have a heavy crush on a woman, I completely feel this way! Nothing else matters and it all feels so fascinating, exciting, and yes- colorful. Thank you for that reminder. I am in the new house with my husband and everything should feel perfect with our little family in our new beautiful home and neighborhood. So my not-straightness feels like a heavy burden currently. It sneaks in and reminds me oh yeah none of this current life of mine is real. It really is all about perspective! Keep on feeling that way and ride the excitement! I'm hoping I'll feel that again at some point soon.
Yes I can relate to that. When I first started to recognise my feelings for women, it made me so excited...it still does! It feels so natural now to me and honestly, since accepting my sexuality, I feel so much more content and at peace with myself. I guess the next step now is to start exploring these feelings with others and eventually coming out to family and friends but I don't think i'm ready yet, the thought makes me so nervous!
Spot on way to describe it. I do this when looking in the mirror, it's kind of like this thought of, 'hmmm yeah okay, I guess I look all right but how is a woman seeing me, interpreting me?' But of course I am a woman so I try to 'interpret' myself...haha...and my interpretation of me generally tends to be on the not too positive side! Knowing this I then try to be an 'objective woman' looking at my reflection. Like really, this is a wacky process I do when looking in the mirror sometimes-LOL... Not sure if any of this makes sense! All I know is that looking in the mirror can at times be soooo much more than just checking to see if my eyeliner is smudged! It ends up being this big assessment in my head!
Yes, absolutely. Once I admitted to myself I was not straight, I feel so much more free and happy about myself. I love the fact that I am a feminine woman that likes other femmes. It makes me me! And over this year, I have learned, above all else, be proud of yourself. It makes me feel confident and sexy. I do the checking out thing in the mirror too.
Relate completely. I am still scared sometimes in the *abstract* about pursuing a same-sex relationship and being fully out, but then I imagine what I'd feel if V went for me, and I can just see being totally comfortable walking down the street holding hands and building a life together. It doesn't seem scary at all. For the first time, I can picture myself enjoying a relationship with no reservations, and that is an amazing feeling! As for the mirror, haha... I do that in a way too. In my case, since I am a bit masculine of center and have been making changes to better reflect that, I catch my reflection and think, "yeah! I'm crushing this new look. I look pretty damn cool!" And I just hope that some of the pretty women I check out on the street look back and think I'm cool too.
The first time l came out (to myself), l wrote something big on a piece of paper and hung it on the wall. I was thrilled to look at it and read it loud many times: "YES. YES. IT IS LOVE. l AM IN LOVE WITH HER".
I totally see what you are saying. We are all critical of ourselves to a certain degree. However, have you noticed that when checking someone out, there is beauty in mostly their so called imperfections? That is what makes someone unique and irresistible to the right admirer. A man may want a girl Who looks like a model but is this really a criteria of a woman looking to love another woman?
Very true! I think we all have a certain type we are generally attracted to at the outset, but certain type definitely doesn't mean perfect. Good reminder for me when I am going through my wacky mirror process! It's so much more about that emotional attraction and connection between women.
Yes! It's the imperfections that make a person unique and attractive - and that's physical and non physical. The vulnerabilities in a person which make them human.
I sooooo agree. V is always pointing out her "flaws" to me -- physical and character-related. My answer is consistently, "everything you point out that you consider a negative only endears you to me more." And then she looks down and nervously picks at her fingernails or twirls her hair or something adorable like that. Haha.
