im 13 years old. i first came out to my mom last year. she said that i was too young to know. so this has really made me wonder, can you be too young to know you're gay? i want to know the answer to this.
In a sense, yes.... and in a sense no. There are people who know from childhood that they are gay. There are some that realize later in life. There are some, like me, whose preferences become "refined" over time. Until I was a little older than you, I thought I was gay. Then at around 14 I began noticing girls, although I still found guys more interesting. I ended up bi..... and then in my 20's realized that, for me, it has nothing to do with anatomy at all (thus, pansexual).
I agree with Twist. I thought I was straight until I was 13 or 14 years old. I fell in love with a girl during a camp. Then I started doubting. Now I know I'm bi.
If, at age 13, you are feeling sexual attraction to guys, are masturbating thinking about guys, and you get no such attraction, excitement, or arousal about girls... then we can pretty confidently say you're gay. Parents often use the "you're too young" as a means of denying the truth. While it's true that many young people think they're straight until their mid-teens or later (sometimes much later) when they figure out they're gay, it very rarely happens that someone thinks they are gay and later finds out they're straight.
Sexual preferences can change with time (who knows, you may be bisexual). But I'd side with Chip on that one—society in general pressures us, consciously or unconsciously, into the 'everybody is straight' mold, so if you think you have same sex preferences, it's very likely a sign. If you were purely straight, you probably wouldn't even wonder about all this. (On the other hand, if 13 is too young to know if you're gay, well, isn't it also too young to know if you're straight? )
Well, I knew, at 13 and now I am 41. I might not have accepted it way back then, but all of the things that Chip mentioned applied to me: I'm afraid some parents regard everything as a phase when we are teenagers and it's not helped when they read newspaper/magazine articles that endorse such an idea. In reality, it's very seldom a phase.
If you are concerned enough about your sexuality other than as an intrusive thought it is more than likely you are at least partial correct with your assessment. It's stupid that LGBT people get portrayed as attention seekers or "normal" and just going through a "phase" (im convinced phases don't really exist and they are just a way to deny the existence of certain parts of your psychology.
Oh, no no no no. This appalling advice, even if it was well intended. Please don't ever let anyone tell you what you are. It's up to you to decide, and even though your feelings may not change, I think you need to leave it at least a few more years before you give yourself a label that fits long term.
The vast majority of 13 year olds know they are straight and are never questioned. Wouldn't they also be too young to know? You can say you are straight at 13, but end up 100% gay when you're 25. It seems like a pretty average age to know. 13 year olds are full of sexual hormones and start their preferences early. I came out at 14, and am still as gay as ever at 27 years old.
