I was talking to a colleague this week about lesbianism. Last time I saw her we had discussed the BBC's lgbt season. So after a bit of chatting we ended up talking about lesbians we meet and how she can recognise lesbians. I said I needed her presence when I'm out and about and see a woman I find attractive. She was present a couple of years ago when I had talked about a girlfriend, and she did remember I was bi. I ended up saying my interest in men had waned to a point where I actively didn't want anything to do with them romantically. We then went on to discuss the patriarchy and sexism. It was good. Another colleague wandered by at the end of the conversation and heard me say, "I'm sticking with the lesbians." She asked in what way, and I said "In every way possible!" We laughed and then discussed lesbian domestic servants (there was a housekeeper at a National Trust property who was lesbian and kept diaries). I feel like I'm dropping it in there more and more in front of more and more people. Next week I'll see my colleague (THE colleague) I'll try to counter the way I misled things last time when I talked about my ex husband!. This all feels really good! Like I'm letting go of any male intrusion of the past, and just embracing my womanhood (which happens to be a lesbian womanhood) rather than letting myself be pulled into accepting the heteronormative perspective of my past which had led me to believe I was bisexual.
Thanks. Something else I just remembered about this exchange. We were talking about our "antennae" and she mentioned a woman who had visited our work that she thought was lesbian. I thought nothing of it until later when I realised I'd experienced a "ping" when I met this woman, but not thought anything about it, had certainly not associated it with her being lesbian. I feel more aware now that maybe I'm experiencing pings but not tuned into acknowledging them so missing them. Which then leads me back to my initial belief about THE colleague that I like and that she is lesbian/bi - I *did* have that ping right when I first met her, and it was the same ping I experienced when meeting this woman visiting the firm.
