After acceptance and after coming out, at some point

For sure, the first time I had sex with my now BF I knew. I couldn't believe I hid this for so long . Really couldn't get over how much I preferred cock. Sex with my BF has been the best sex I have ever experienced. Gay sexuality is so superior at least in my book. The liberation I feel when engaged in sex with my partner is incredible. I feel I have been let in on an incredible secret "homosexuality"!

 

Uh, I get what you are both saying, but, NO, I didn't have to have sex with another guy to understand my sexuality. Sex, for me, came much later. And I have no regrets.

 

Yes! A thousand times yes. I always enjoyed sex with a woman (I'm separating as we speak) but I recently got very intimate with a close male friend and it was like "what the fuck have I been missing?" We didn't even finish yet we later in bed cuddling and kissing and holding each other until my friend actually fell asleep next to me and I was so happy to keep holding him. When I had sex with my ex wife, I would immediately get dressed after.

I am certainly gay.

Yes

 

I absolutely love being gay I look at pictures and think "why has this taken me so long?! I ooze lesbian" Lol. @Quantumreality I agree with you. Don't get me wrong sex is absolutely incredible but for me it's more about accepting that I am totally comfortable in the company of women and I prefer it, men really used to freak me out and I never understood what straight people were on about in regards to amazing sex.

 

I realized I was quite homosexual a long time ago and have still never had sex with either gender. Maybe some day it will happen but it wasn't required for me to realize that I much prefer guys. I'm not exactly later into my life though, at least I sure hope not!

 

i completely get you. even though you will see in my posts that you have replied to im still finding it hard to come to terms with dating a girl but the sex is amazing. in the past with boyfriends i tried to semi avoid it or just want it over and done with. but now the more the better and ive never experienced anything like it. my gf says to me " your such a fuckin lesbo" hahaha

 

y

yea i completly understand. its so much more passionate i feel

 

I still haven't had sex with a woman, though IM DYING TO, because I can tell it's gonna be 100% different. Just thinking about it makes me go crazy whereas sex with men just makes me sad lol

 

for sure. I love being gay. Love love love it. I have NOTHING against heteros but I love guys and gay sex. God I wish I had come out earlier.

 

Very..! Now every day.

Today while chating to and enjoying checking out our local pharmacist, tall with his gorgeous canadian accent, dark skin and neat trimmed beard - what was really nice was being aware of how I felt. I walked away smiling...!

Beautiful and honestly 'me'. Smiling inside. "effin gay"..no denial any more. The feeling of this self approval is so wonderful. Tinglingly so.

Naturally now my gaze goes to the guy, in a crowd, in a photo, on the news, tv or a movie, a billboard. And that thought, that homophobia someone might notice.. it doesnt matter...its the truth. I do not want to hide anymore. I'm not going to hide anymore...and find myself thinking lots about who to tell and what I will say what Im guessing they likely have already guessed, suspected for years Who can I come out to?

Looking at an old school friend's photo on FB today, smiling proudly with her wife, they are so happy, and me for them, and I realised my phobia, my fears are just that.

At night before sleeping, In the early morning when I wake, my thoughts perfumed with a smile,..... your own experience (so beautiful to read), the telling of your sexual play - so real visual visceral so joyful so who you are.

It has been five months now, maybe more since my female partner and I had sex, as for making love even longer.. We have become male and female house mates, plutonic friends - initiated from my side, my inactivity, desire and interest our rooms separate. It pains me so deeply to know I am causing sadness for her, loss, confusion. Just a few days back faced with "You dont fuck me anymore' It's sad but it is a truth. It is over for me now, the real truth I can now face its never been comfortable (through each heterosexual relationship to the next - so cathartic to write this here), a performance, something missing, something forced, discordant. The day of saying outright 'I'm gay' is fast approaching, for which there will be relief for us both, I'm near to bursting - to shouting out to the world I know who I am, I am "effin" gay I am queer'.

And it is not some external label, its not over there outside, or something I see myself as 'over there'. I've not gone anywhere. Ive always been this wonderful way. I'm here, me. Gay Queer. Right now, right here. Crying out to myself, come out.

As a friend said to me - of me in a text just two days ago: 'Already arrived' Now it is my time to say it out loud.

ImjustJulien

 

Reading your words, its like a weight removed. This is how I feel, and I'm not even having sex with another man at this stage, though now I yearn too, my fantasys so lucid, like I've this before. It is feeling so natural, so deeply embedded, how can this be...longing for the touch of another man. But beyond sex and physical touch, the yearning is for emotional and intellectual male intimacy, like minds and viee. OMG

 

It sounds like you are ready to take the wonderful step of self acknowledgement. I know the first time I really acknowledged my homosexuality it felt so right. No more pretending, lies and misdirection. After my first sexual experience with my now BF I knew it was right and there was no going back. Love being gay and don't even pay attention to women these days. My only regret is not discovering this sooner. I do fantasize about having been gay my entire life.

 

That's awesome. CANNOT wait for this

 

ConfusedEast - every word you have written...thank you so so very much. You have written the exact feelings I'm experiencing today, right now,l...!

It is like an explosion inside, I cannot find the words the sentences big enough or bright enough - gay enough to tell and express fully just how I feel. I know that another man, a fellow homosexual will smile, you will know what I'm feeling. I feel like we could hug right now, and without a word spoken we would know intuitively exactly what it is we feel...there seem no sufficient words for it.

Gay is Gay.

And what I know is what I'm feeling is 'gay'. It is experiential, not out there, not some label or mask, it is a place in ones heart and mind.

Im actively letting letti g in so many little ways, nuanced and bold too. Even if small. As simple as posting Like to some elses rainbow flag on IG. I just do not want to hide any more.

Just a few moments ago, the thought came of the one word which totally-presently-beautifully-sensitively-holistically describes how I feel about me: "Gay" I'm ready. Your "Felt so right" reads "Feels so right"

And as I write this, I know you and each guy reading this will understand, has come the hardest most wonderfully full erection I have had in weeks, even months. OMG. I want to stand up sing. Actually I want to share. I want the intimacy of male touch. It feels so innate, my fantasy have become so present, so reel. Nothing to prove now. There is I know right now no going back, I could not even if somehow I wanted to.

These recent days, old relationships as a youth with girls, having been coming to mind, and without seeking to find reasons to justify where I'm at today, there is the overwhelming consistency, of now facing the facts that lovelife for me has been discordent, never quite fitting. Now I find myself asking, what If I had faced this, come out all those years ago.

These last feel days, as if all of a sudden, the world has become for me 'queer' so beautiful.

I'm near bursting to find chances to say I am homosexual.

And most of all, most importantly, I know its right.

For so long, its been 'over there, somewhere'. Today, this week this moment, Ive arrived.

My name is Julien and I am Homosexual and I am Proud. EC I love you.

Footnote: I was looking at an IG gallery this evening of a gay man in England, and found such attraction, observing myself, allowing my feelings to flow free, to not temper them...and I couldn't stop smiling. He was so gorgeous...my gosh, they were, only photos. It is like being a teenager all over again. But now its gay, and it is distinct, and it is queer, and it is..I am homosexual. The truth, hidden by me all my life is out. OMG.

Fair to say; I've crossed to a beautiful place on no return, Im outing myself. It is no longer one day, I have arrived.

Bloom...!

 

PS: YOU REALLY HAVE MADE MY DAY...THANK YOU. ...and likewise your last sentence says it all, as if you have been listening in to what I've been thinking...LOL

 

Julien
Congrats on acknowledging who you are. Totally embrace the new you, you will find it so rewarding and enjoyable. Like you I now wear the badge 'Homosexual" and all it denotes with pride. Yes I prefer men, sexually only a cock will do deal with it. Whether the world approves of me or not, I am 100% unashamedly homosexual. I hope as you continue on your journey of discovery only wonderful things for you.