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Half coming out

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Searching1, Aug 9, 2017.

  1. Searching1

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    Both of my parents and all three of my siblings officially know I am likely lesbian. My husband's parents know.. several of my friends know. It is getting real and scary. I almost feel like me holding onto the "I might be fully gay" makes it easier to half come out in a way. At the same time it's terrifying to think of what if I take it all back and decide oh wait I actually am not lesbian and I want to stay with my husband. I am stuck in limbo. Either direction I head will involve awkward conversations and loved ones knowing I'm possibly gay. There is no going back to normal. Of course, I haven't had any signs of heading back in that direction.. for some reason something just keeps on pulling me towards fully embracing this side of myself.

    I still fear the unknown, the financial insecurity, the messy new family dynamic, and the "what if" I end up falling for a man and discovering I'm bi after ruining my marriage. All I can do is trust myself and take my time. I feel like I'm comparing inner feelings to hard facts and it's all just so hard. Things just keep on progressing in that direction and I so scared it's going to get too late to turn back. Scared but somewhat excited. Deep breaths.
     
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  2. findingjoy

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    I felt like that too. I knew where I was going to end up even when there were times I didn't want to go there.
    Many people here experience the 'roller coaster' when coming out -one day feeling happy liberated and the next terrified. Deep breaths! :slight_smile:
     
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  3. Searching1

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  4. leb10

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    That's great news! I'm happy you're in a good place right now :slight_smile: Has everyone reacted well enough?
     
  5. Searching1

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    Thank you! Everyone has been wonderful. I still am frustrated with how my parents have reacted through this process. They are "supportive" and keep saying they will "love me no matter what" but they both keep saying I'm probably just bi. "Everyone is a little bi.. I don't think you're gay". Pisses me off. But they are coming around and seeing that yes this is likely real. All other friends and siblings have been wonderful, accepting, and supportive.
     
  6. findingjoy

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    I know you have a lot more to deal with - husband, child, family - thanI do but your posts sound so much like how I felt.
    As for scary part or the doubts - I found they were not really scary or doubts- it was that finally accepting something let out a tsunami of emotion where it almost felt like I was losing control. But somehow also in the back of my mind I knew it was going to all work out.
     
    #6 findingjoy, Aug 9, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2017
  7. Searching1

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    @findingjoy yes that is all pretty spot on. The added factors make it more difficult but it sounds like I am going through the same process you did. It's a crazy ride!
     
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  8. azzi

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    And you guys have similar name lol
     
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  9. NeonSocks

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    I am glad to hear things are going well for you! I feel like I am always a few steps behind you and a few other late in lifers so these posts always give me hope. I think I am going to have to tell my parents sooner rather than later. They have picked up on my emotional distance and I can't add their worry to the list of things attacking my mental health. :slight_smile:
     
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  10. Searching1

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    Thank you! Yes you will know when it is time to tell those closest to you. I do not do well holding things in so as soon as it was a real thing I was thinking about constantly, I told my husband and my mom within a week. I just couldn't keep it inside and it felt like it was eating me alive. I felt much better once I did! Of course telling my husband opened the floodgates and gradually required facing it all. It's crazy to see how far I have come in just a couple months. Good luck and it's always nice to see that others going through something similar.
     
  11. findingjoy

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    I remember feeling this way. - All of us were 'a few steps behind' at one time or another!
     
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  12. LostInDaydreams

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    @Findingmyself1 Sounds like you've made great progress, well done! You seem positive and clear headed about where you are going, which is great! You're incredibly brave! :relaxed:

    I'm sorry that your parents aren't reacting how you would like them to. I hope this improves for you.
     
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  13. Searching1

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    Thank you, @LostInDaydreams! I am still terrified and don't fully trust myself yet, but I am get closer to where I want to be. It really is like the floodgates opened and something just keeps pushing me along this direction.
     
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  14. Searching1

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    [​IMG]
    I was going to post this in my FB today but then realized that the rainbow was more of a hint than I am willing to give! I have always loved this quote. Now it's more applicable than ever.
     
  15. NeonSocks

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    @Findingmyself1 I think I am going to tell my sister everything in the next few weeks. We have always been really close and she will understand my situation in a way that only a sister can. Things have just evolved to the point where I need my sister more than anything and I can't expect her support is she has no idea it's needed!

    Baby steps.
     
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  16. Searching1

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    That's exciting! I'm proud of you for building up the courage. Every time I share with someone (especially my sisters) it has been such a happy relief. It will be so nice to have the support and to have her to talk to :slight_smile:
     
  17. Orchidea123

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    This is so beautiful..
     
    #17 Orchidea123, Aug 11, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2017
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  18. silverhalo

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    I love this
     
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  19. Peterpangirl

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    Yes. But I'm not there yet. Just trying to accept what is, breathe and take it one day at a time.
     
    #19 Peterpangirl, Aug 12, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2017
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  20. junebug99

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