Feedback on Coming out letter needed

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by i am just me, Aug 6, 2017.

  1. i am just me

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've decided to come out to most of the people I interact with regularly. That's why I wrote this letter, which I want to send to everyone via email. Is there anything missing or is something not quite clear? I am grateful for your feedback.

    Hi everybody,

    I am writing to you, because the last year has been a confusing time for me. I believe that I've finally figured myself out.

    You might have realized that I've always opposed a lot of gender roles pushed upon me. I think I have found the reason for that. I am nonbinary. That means that I am neither fully male nor female. My gender is located slightly closer to the male than the female end of the spectrum, but I am definitely neither a man nor a woman. That's why I'd like to be called by the gender neutral first name ___ and be referred to using the singular "they"-pronoun. I won't be mad at you, if the switch is hard for you and if you make mistakes . After all, I've had much more time than you to adjust to this. If you have questions or don't understand something, that's also totally fine. Just ask and treat me as friendly and respectful as you always have.

    You are probably a bit overwhelmed right now and already have a lot of questions. That's why I want to address a few right here:

    How do you know you're nonbinary?

    During my childhood I opposed nearly everything that is stereotypically associated with being female. Until recently I thought that was only because I liked football and cars better than dolls and jumping ropes. By now I am quite sure that it was the other way around. I learned to hate dolls, because I was taught that everybody who plays with them is a girl.

    This pattern of behavior stuck with me through large parts of my childhood and teenage years. By now, I've stopped choosing my hobbies based on how they are perceived. I do what makes me happy. However, I still cringe when someone refers to me as a woman. It simply feels wrong. It's like being called a terrible nickname again and again no matter how much you protest.

    So am I a man? No. I've spent a lot of time asking myself that question, but the thought of having a very masculine body and being referred to solely as a man, feels just as wrong. I don't want a clearly masculine face. When I look at lists of names, I always gravitate towards the ones that are used by people of different genders.

    What does change now?

    Quite frankly: not much. I am still the same person as before. Luckily, I never had to change my character and style to be accepted. Above all, I know have the words to describe what I have been feeling since my childhood.

    I'm not planning to change my body through hormones or operations. I will still wear "women's" as well as "men's" clothes. All this doesn't change my gender identity. What is important to me is that the people around me perceive me the way I perceive myself. That's why I am writing this letter.

    Yours,

     
  2. looking for me

    Full Member

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    Out to everyone
    i think you've hit the big points, been respective and understanding while asking the same. i like it.
     
  3. peachy06

    Regular Member

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    It's really good! I like how you address questions people might have and explain your own experience.
     
  4. Adam More

    Regular Member

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    I think this is great! The only change I can suggest is a fixing a tiny spelling mistake. In your second last paragraph, you use the word know instead of the word now.
     
  5. Go with this. It would be very informative to someone who fails to understand. I hope everyone you send this to understands and accepts you!
     
  6. Nosuchj

    Regular Member

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    A few people
    Awesome letter