I haven't been on this site for a while now and those of you who have read my previous posts know that I started to suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. Over the past couple of weeks I've been very tense and had little energy to do anything and I've put this down to denying who I am. So, after years of telling myself and a few people on here that I'll never come out, I'm going to make it happen! I'm not sure how yet but I know that to move on with my life I need to do this as I currently live at home and only go out to work or to do voluntary work. I have isolated myself from all my friends and don't actually do anything for myself anymore. Now the big question, how do you come out to a parent who is homophobic? If you're wondering how I know she is homophobic then please read on... When I was about 8 or 9 I remember my mum covering my view because there were two women kissing, my aunt asked her what she was doing and she said 'I don't want him seeing that, it's not right'. In teh past couple of weeks she has referred to a gay couple as 'not right' and didn't want to be associated with them. I'm not sure how she'll react to me coming out and I'm sure her attitude will be different towards her own son but it still bothers me knowing how she views gay/bi people.
Is she religious or just ignorant? That could change a lot. Come out in the way you would be most comfortable. However you decide to do it, make sure to explain things clearly. She may have no idea of what LGBT people are actually like. Once she knows her own child is gay she will have to reconsider her views on homosexuality.
She's not religious and I don't think she's really encountered anyone that's LGBT previously. I will keep thinking about the best solution but there's still something stopping me at the moment.
Do you live with her? If you fear that she may kick you out then you should wait until you have moved out. If you don't think she'd do that, or you already live somewhere else, then you should be safe to come out as you wish. Studies show that people who know a gay person are less likely to be homophobic than those who don't. Maybe coming out will change her perspective?
I'm not sure exactly where you are, but I would strongly suggest you point her towards an organisation like PFLAG or FFLAG (UK) so she can talk to and connect with other parents/relatives of gay kids. On their websites you will find downloadable resources and booklists and it might be a good idea to print all of that information off first. Do think about your safety and security. If you come out is there even the slightest possibility that she will turf you out on the street? If so, do you have a back up plan (a safe place to go and people to turn to for love and support). It sounds like your aunt questioned your mum's behaviour, so is she still around and would she back you up? I can understand the anxiety you must feel about coming out to her after all that she has said, but it's absolutely the case that some parents change their tune when they realise their own 'flesh and blood' is gay. It's easy to make caustic comments about other people, but not so easy to say the same things about one of your kids. I'm not saying it doesn't happen and you are wise to be cautious, but don't assume it's a foregone conclusion.
