Hello, I'm Addy. I want to introduce myself as a Lesbian. I am doing this for the first time in my life. I'm exploring how it feels for me. Just a little background about me. I have C-PTSD and lots of things that go along with it. Last year about this same time I found that out. I was angry and couldn't seem to find a reason for it. That led me to seek out therapy and since then I have discovered a lot of things that I was unaware of about my life - things I had suppressed. During my therapy I began to work through much trauma and identity questions started to surface. I have an attraction to women?? But I'm attracted to men. ?? What is happening to me? I fought it and kept in line with what I "knew" about myself all my life. It wasn't till just today (a very emotional one) that I began to accept the idea that it was okay for me to be the way that I am. As soon as I felt that acceptance, I felt an excitement inside. And a peacefulness. A peacefulness that I can see and accept who I am inside. That person is attracted to women. I am also attracted to men a bit but not really excited about them like I am women. So as I go through a divorce, I have a bit of rearranging of my life to do. Fairly recently I have concluded (with the help of others around me) that I am an alcoholic. I have been attending a women's AA meeting and LGBT AA meetings. They are my favorite meetings. I have become friends with my female sponsor who I would "dress up" for but wasn't realizing it. Even though I'm not really attracted to her, per se, (She's not my type) I wanted her to be attracted to me. LOL She is no longer my sponsor - just not a good fit for various reasons - and I'm glad because I think that "firing" her led me to reach my true identity which is fluid but substantially women-sided, if that makes sense. It opens up a whole new space in my life. And I'm scared to death to tell my therapist what I've learned because I'm afraid of what he will say to me about it. I have no idea what he will say. All I know is that I have a long road ahead of me in my therapy in working through my trauma and wrapping my head around this identity shift.
Hi Addy, If you haven't already noticed, you will find the most similar stories to your own in the LGBT Later in Life forum. (Of course all the forums have instructive, heartwarming, heart-wrenching stories.) You can see more of where you fall in the big picture when you contrast and compare other stories.
