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Fully out!

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by findingjoy, Aug 5, 2017.

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  1. findingjoy

    findingjoy
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    As some of you know, I have a FWB that has been getting more and more intense. He came to my place last week. Although I thought I was comfortable with myself and I was looking forward to seeing him I found myself pulling back a little. Probably because this was the first place I'd be openly gay where I knew I would see people I knew.

    I'd nervously look around when he kissed me, and worst of all we were at a neighborhood restaurant and a woman started flirting with me and I flirted back, part of the old closeted me trying to show everyone I wasn't gay.

    He picked up on it and by the end of the night he didn't even want to come to bed but went home. I knew I really screwed up. I texted him but he didn't respond. I was a wreck by the morning.

    The next day I went to his place and apologized. He said he knew he shouldn't date a guy that was fully out. I said I was sorry I hurt him, I was just nervous. He asked if I was ashamed of him and I realized why he was so hurt - he came out much earlier and life and had to go through so much ridicule. We talked it out and as we did we got closer and closer and we finally had 'make up sex' but it was him also punishing me a little and I have to admit I liked it. (nothing violent just very aggressive sex and mocking me for pretending to like women.)

    Things were better a few days later and we were at his place snuggling, making out and watching TV. He had a call he had to pick up but after he spontaneously took a selfie of us. He looked at me and asked if it was ok to post on his instagram I could tell by the expression on his face he was expecting a 'no'.

    I asked him to send the photo to me. I got a little closer and guided his hands to my phone we both uploaded it to my facebook and I changed my orientation to gay.

    I was trembling when I did it but almost immediately after it felt SO GOOD. No more hiding anything! I am still answering emails and im's (is this a joke?) but I was so hesitant to do this and now I feel so relieved.

    After posting it we didn't say anything we just hugged for a long time and went to the bed room. This time it wasn't make up sex or hate fucking... we made love.
     
    #1 findingjoy, Aug 5, 2017
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  2. Chrissi653

    Chrissi653
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    I love your story. Such a beautiful experience that I can't wait to have!
     
    #2 Chrissi653, Aug 5, 2017
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  3. Imjustjulien

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    Sometimes you read something, another's experience, and the feelings shared so openly honestly - prompt a fanfare - and you're own feelings come rushing to the surface, they jump out of the page and stand there naked as a mirror ... you relate, you feel it so deeply. You have just experience what you know is your truth too.

    Findingjoy, this is one of the moments for me...

    So beautiful...smiling with tears inside (no joke...) and so much happiness for you. You've walked right out through the door .... thank you. I know now can too.
     
    #3 Imjustjulien, Aug 5, 2017
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  4. Mysteria

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    How beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
     
    #4 Mysteria, Aug 6, 2017
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  5. findingjoy

    findingjoy
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    Thanks!
    I have gotten a few negative comments "I always knew you were a fag" and some old college girlfriends who seem disappointed, and I am explaining a lot but overall everyone has been very supportive!
     
    #5 findingjoy, Aug 6, 2017
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  6. Adray

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    That is so awesome!

    Congratulations!

    I still haven't come right out and stated that I'm bisexual on FB yet. But I like a lot of the bisexual resource pages and put "loves" and "likes" and etc. on all kinds of LGBT stuff. Like my wife says, if any of my friends don't know by now, they are really dense. But my situation is different than yours.

    That must feel so incredible to have that behind you.

    Maybe I'll change my FB setting to bisexual for Bi Visibility Day - it's coming up in about a month.

    Good for you, findingjoy, you rock!
     
    #6 Adray, Aug 6, 2017
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  7. findingjoy

    findingjoy
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    thanks Adray! yes it was earlier this week and I am still on cloud 9!
    I didn't think it was a big deal before, I didn't want to go broadcasting my sexuality, but this incident with my now BF made me realize I was still had some internal shame or apprehension. But the rush of positive emotion made me realize I still needed to fully accept myself. I felt some burden lifted from me after I did it and I felt so free!
     
    #7 findingjoy, Aug 6, 2017
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  8. findingjoy

    findingjoy
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    A little sad today. :frowning2:
    I lost some friends on facebook and couple of people who I thought I close to and would accept have been uncommunicative.
    I realize that in coming out I would grow in a different direction and some friendships will grow distant because of the change in lifestyle. Like being close to someone in elementary school then going to different junior highs and growing apart.
     
    #8 findingjoy, Aug 7, 2017
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  9. I'm gay

    I'm gay
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    I've been fully out on FB for months. It really felt like the last little bit of the closet finally dropping away and shut forever. I'm so happy for you!

    :gay_pride_flag:

    Edit: Oh, and as for the FB friends who dropped you, F 'em. They were your fake friends. Think about it, if you hadn't been closeted during the time of your friendship with them, they wouldn't have been your friends - they would have avoided you from the start. Be thankful for your real friends.
     
    #9 I'm gay, Aug 7, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2017
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  10. Imjustjulien

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    So true. While part of life it is difficult at first, and happens in all walks, new friends become old friends, some friends no longer, others once distant become lovers, while some once thought close now enemies appear... Take care of you.
     
    #10 Imjustjulien, Aug 8, 2017
  11. Contented

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    I have had similar experiences since coming out. A fair number of supposed "friends" have backed away from me now that they know I am gay. At first I was depressed but I am coming to realize that a lot of straight people are plain boring anyway. As I develop new gay friends I find it so much more comfortable and fun to be around them. I like the feeling that we all don't have to pretend and can be who we are without judgement, we are actually talking aboutt moving to a more gay-centric area. More and more as I continue to more deeply embrace my homosexuality,I just love being so gay. I don't know how I ever lived so long as a straight guy almost to the point I am embarsed to tell my new gay friends I lived a lie for so long without apparently knowing it.
     
    #11 Contented, Aug 8, 2017
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  12. Imjustjulien

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    Wow...you said exactly how Im increasingly feeling...bursting to talk with other gay men who understand who I am, where I'm coming from-going to-right at now, how I see the world...because they see it, you see it that way too. Its intuitive. To know what gay is one only has to look inside and acknowledge, this is gay, its me: as for straight guys (not all) but mostly boring yes - I simply dont relate; gay friends, more comfortable fun to be around, yes; no pretending, able to breath; deeply embracing my homosexuality, Im coming alive from deeply within, nothing to prove, Im me; love 'being' so gay, its naturally inside, brighter lighter with spring in my step; my life lived- such straight guy for all these years (today the thought came-what if I had come out all those years back (that's ok, there's been lots thats good, no less two beautiful children...a joy to behold) how many times, bravado among straight friends, gay no way... ho ho ho...OMG ... while cringing inside; today I want to cry out here on EC I'm so proudly abundantly unapologetically Gay.
     
    #12 Imjustjulien, Aug 8, 2017
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  13. Alaya35

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    Fantastic! Your story gave me butterflies xx
     
    #13 Alaya35, Aug 8, 2017
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  14. findingjoy

    findingjoy
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    Thanks everyone! I feel better today. As @ConfusedEast says
    I realize that I am going to be actively moving away from some straight friends because our lifestyles have changed. So I don't think there's anything too wrong with others drifting away from me.
     
    #14 findingjoy, Aug 8, 2017
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  15. Imjustjulien

    Imjustjulien
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    So true, its natural...neither good nor its opposite, just casting a new direction things new connetion while others naturally fade...well done you - findingjoy
     
    #15 Imjustjulien, Aug 9, 2017
  16. Chicagoblue

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    OMG what a great story and a great thread! :kiss_mm:
     
    #16 Chicagoblue, Aug 9, 2017
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  17. Contented

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    In many ways I think the the drifting away of some friends is simply the way of the world as our situation changes. I don't have many friends remaining from high school nor college so why would this be so surprising. I find the future exciting as I develop new gay friends who are more in tune with who and what I am becoming. Neither good nor bad just different. If in the process I have to bury some relationships, so be it. I can't not be who I am now.
     
    #17 Contented, Aug 9, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2017
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  18. justaguyinsf

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    Congrats on taking this step! I'm not on Facebook at the moment, but remember that unless you interact with your FB "friends" in real life they are more like distant acquaintances.
     
    #18 justaguyinsf, Aug 9, 2017
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  19. findingjoy

    findingjoy
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    That's true. And most people have been supportive anyway.
    I am just glad to be fully out! :slight_smile:
    The real hard work was in the beginning. I remember just less than eight months ago, hesitating to change my status on EC - an anonymous message board! :grin: That really was harder than coming out on FB.

    I thought I was fully comfortable out before, but I immediately noticed one big difference after coming out on FB.

    I have always said here that I don't really look at guys on the street and still unconsciously look at women (though that has largely faded, or I realize I am looking at their fashion sense). Today I was at the gym and I found myself checking out and liking two or three guys, and this is the same gym I have been going to for awhile. I even got a little aroused. I wonder if being fully out told me subconsciously that I could be 'gay' everywhere. Just a thought!
     
    #19 findingjoy, Aug 9, 2017
  20. Chicagoblue

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    Question: now that you're out...are the guys checking you out more? Just wondered.
     
    #20 Chicagoblue, Aug 10, 2017
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