I believe that I am bisexual, as I have been attracted to women since about junior high school. The female body was the first body I was exposed to sexually. I used to think I was a lesbian, but then I had a major crush on this guy in high school (like a burning jealousy that he was attracted to my best friend, crying when he ignored me, imagining a family with him, type of crush). So I went back on my statement and now privately identify as bisexual. I am now in college and I have found myself attracted to both women and men. I also know that I am not yet fully comfortable with my attraction to women and fear that I am truly a lesbian in denial. I fear this because I so often here that bisexuality is a fake phase and a one way train to discovering you are gay. This is actually why I never considered that I could be bisexual when I first found myself attracted to women in junior high, because I thought it merely a stage of denial. My biggest fear is being one of those people who gets married and finally comes to terms to the fact that they are a lesbian much later in life! So I am in the process of trying to better understand my sexuality. However, I have no lesbian or bisexual friends with whom I can share and compare experiences. For example, I know this is kind of tmi, but I have gotten wet imagining myself being intimate with men before and enjoy gay porn that involves a man climaxing from a handjob. HOWEVER, I also enjoy lesbian porn and watching women orgasm up close. Does my dual attraction truly mean that I am truly bisexual, or are there lesbians out there that have also been sexually aroused by men at times? I am I so in denial that I am tricking my body into getting wet when I imagine myself with men sometimes? Thank you for reading this long speech and for your help!
It is completely okay to self identify as homosexual yet find oneself attracted to the opposite sex for whatever and many reasons. My suggestion is to explore your sexual preferences safely and well before you commit to a marriage you may or probably will end up regretting. Make it clear that you may be interested in a long term partnership but are NOT entertaining the prospect of marriage at the moment.
I can't offer you much advice, but I can relate a lot to your post. When I first started questioning my anxiety about me being in denial was really bad. It's almost hard to comprehend for me that you can actually be attracted to both genders. Every time I find a girl attractive I feel like it cancels out my male attractions. Or like it's proof that I'm in denial. And like you said it can sometimes be a phase. You're the only person that really knows, but to me you sound bisexual. I've read a lot here saying that it's just better to try and not attach yourself to much to the labels. I know how hard that is, believe me, but right now I'm just trying to be open to whatever happens in my life. I still have my freak outs about who I am, because it's soooo frustrating being this confused but slowly I'm trying to accept that it's okay to not know right now. I don't wanna put myself in a box either. I wish you a lot of luck though!
I identify so much with your and quizzicalbrow's posts!! You're not alone, but I don't have a good answer to your question either. What helped me was to not identify as anything, I just go with the "I'm me and whoever/whatever attracts me and makes me aroused is okay, I don't need to put a label on it". By actively thinking this way I got rid of the "I'm probably just in denial" because you can't really be in denial if you just go with whatever you want to do/makes you happy in the moment. I'm also terrified that I'll marry some guy and later realise I'm actually only into women, I tried to imagine a relationship with a woman instead and realised that the same thing might happen there, that I'll end up losing my attractions after a few years or so. It's an issue everyone may struggle with at some point in their lives regardless of sexual orientation. That helped relieve that pressure a bit for me at least. I think this "it's a phase"-thing is proof that bi-erasure is real and that it can cause a lot of distress to people whose sexual orientations aren't binary, because we like to think in black and white. I have had attractions to both men and women since I was a little kid yet I keep doubting and thinking that I'll wake up one day and it will all be gone, that I made it all up in my head. Sure, it might happen, you never know, but if you try to live in the here and now it'll make it easier to ignore all the "what if's" about the future. When I grew up I thought that in order to be a lesbian you could only be attracted to women, no attraction whatsoever to men. But by the end of the day, identifying as a lesbian is nothing more or less than using a label and it can be used by anyone who feels comfortable with it. There are women out there who are sexually attracted to both men and women but only see themselves dating other women and for that reason choose to identify as lesbian, but they could also identify as bisexual if they wanted to. Use whatever label makes you feel comfortable, or don't use any label at all. Sexuality is a spectrum and for some people any label may feel restricting, and it's fine to just be. I hope this helped a bit and feel free to write any time, I've spent lots of time thinking about these things and it's always nice to discuss!
I love what you said imacoolkid, about living in the here and now. I agree with you! I'm also free for more discussions about this with either of you if you want! I don't have any lbgt+ friends either so I'm totally open to that
Nothing wrong with liking both. And while this is a bit of a stretch, but maybe it is less your sexuality that likes the idea of being with a man, but maybe the whole biological clock/maternal instinct thing. Since there is that whole man + woman = kids thing. You did mention the want to have a family crush thing.... So that is where I got the idea from. Worry less about labeling yourself, and just go with what makes you happy.
I think you're bi because of your mayor crush. I was in doubt for years and still begin doubting sometimes but now it's enough to think about my past. I read somewhere that bisexual people often keep doubting. I think the doubt is often an indicator on itself.
