I tried to kill myself today

Hey man, shit always gets better eventually. No matter how bad shit is, no matter how dark that hole or how heavy the weight...it -does- get better. Just take it one slow breath at a time, yeah? You can do that...and if you can take that one slow breath, you can take another and then another, til things start to feel just a little bit better.

 

I'm not qualified to council on the issue, but I have been there myself.

I want to encourage you to talk to a therapist, either through an anonymous call line, or even better, by visiting one in person. I know it's scary and uncomfortable, but visiting a therapist is 100% confidential, and they can help you find your way back to the surface of the emotional struggle you're going through.

If you feel you can't afford a thrapist, look into community mental health initiatives in your area. A lot of times communities (or nearby larger communities if you're in a small one) offer free counseling and/or counseling at a pro-rated cost (based off your income).

 

Talk to someone man. A therapist would be best...and remind yourself not of just how much the people who love you would be -hurt- by that loss, yeah? There is always something to live for, always a reason to fight.

And no matter how hard you hit bottom, there is always, always something better waiting ahead. It can only get better from here, right?

Get yourself the help you need, man.

 

*Nodding* Before I found a medication that worked, I had suicidal thoughts on a nearly daily basis for a number of years, and urges that sprung up out of the blue. I was also a cutter. Therapy did wonders on learning how to control those urges, and medication curbed the thoughts entirely.

I wasn't aware of the age limit on therapy, but I would suggest as soon as you turn 18 you start looking into it. In the meantime, is there a hotline or school counselor, or outreach program for youth in your area that you could utilize until you can move on to a therapeutic approach?

Once you are in therapy, you will need to decide if you want to go on medication or not. This is a personal choice, and no one can decide that for you.

If you DO go on medication, be aware that each medication (and there are a lot of them) effect every person differently. What works for one person, won't work for another, etc. They also each take months to start working fully, so patience is needed as the medication slowly levels out your system. Be sure to be honest with yourself, the therapist, and whoever does the prescriptions on whether or not the medication seems to be working for you.

 

Also, something that my therapist taught me that has helped me through depression episodes and suicidal urges.

Remember that everything is temporary, yeah? The depression is temporary, and it's going to go away. The urge to kill yourself is temporary, and it's going to go away. The emotions behind why you feel you want to kill yourself are temporary, and they too will shift.

No emotion is permanent, and emotions are what control our perspective about life, the world, and every situation around us.

Consider that.... and when the bad things come, consider that the bad thing is temporary... and -wait- for it to go away. Sometimes it doesn't always feel like it's going to go away, and it feels like it's going to last forever. But that feeling is also an emotion... and it's temporary.

 

Ah, if it's not an age limit, you might look into the community mental health initiatives that I mentioned. Sometimes they offer free assistance for those that are unemployed.

Not all depression (and suicidal urges) are triggered by an outside source. Sometimes it has to do with brain chemistry and emotional imbalances that have nothing to do with what's going on around you.

One point tho about medication. Therapy should be a first stop before going into something invasive (such as putting chemicals in the body). Not because you might not need medication... you might. But if you don't, it's better to find that out first prior to playing chemist with your body.

 

Yeah, it might be something you have to travel for, especially if you're in a small community.

For calming down.... For me, medication and sleep was my calm-down. My favorite place to meditate was curled up on my side in the bottom of the shower with the water running. I'd watch the drops of water run down the side of the wall before my face while practicing deep breathing. The sensation of the shower raining down helps somehow in blocking out the rest of the world and inner thoughts. I don't know if it would work the same for you, but you might try it or another meditation type technique that you connect with.

 

Hey, I've been there... You're not in a good place and I'm glad you recognized you need help. I'm not a professional, I can only talk from my own experiences and from the ones who surround me but I'm here if you need to talk it out.... I'd be truly happy to try and help you, man!

 

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

I don't want to undercut the sincerity of everyone posting here but just about the only thing for you to do right now, even though I'm writing this a while after the original post, is speak to somebody professional. The link above is to a US phone service which provides suicide advice. Any active attempt at suicide really needs a comprehensive response. You need to speak to someone sooner rather than later and above all you should avoid being alone.

That you tried might just indicate you shouldn't leave it any further before seeking help - what beyond this could reasonably prompt you to be worried enough?

 

Hey dude,

I can't be there for you which sucks because I have a reputation of being a great listener among friends. But if you need to, please, please, please, call the depression hotline. Have someone to talk to.

I'll be honest with you I wasn't feeling good today either. The dysphoria got to an all-time high and I just thought, what's the use? But then I had dinner with my family and the pain started to fade away. How could I even consider leaving them? They all love me so much and it would ruin their lives. I'm sure you have a bigger impact than you'd ever believe. I had a friend who died due to a car crash a few years back. We weren't especially close but it's so strange to think I am now older than he will EVER be.

You gotta live. For all of us. So many trans kids and adults commit suicide, thinking, what's the point? There is a point. Just by being yourself, you may be granting someone else more courage than you'd ever know.

Besides. I've seen your photos that you've posted in the passing threads and you're really cute. And I don't mean it in some girly way. You are legitimately a cute cute lovable thing.

 

I can truly understand the feelings that you have that would make you want to hurt yourself. I've got at least a half dozen attempts in my past, and as many hospitalizations for it too. My wrists are covered in scars.
I used to think I'd never live to see 18, and yet here I am now at 40.
One thing you should try to keep in mind, as others have said, this really IS temporary. I have built a ton of memories since my darkest days. They haven't all been rosy but they all are memories I'd never have had if I were successful at ending my life in my teens.
It is so hard sometimes to see past the swirling storm of emotions when you feel hopelessly stuck in the middle of it. One thing that always helped me was to think about the devastation you would leave behind. How many people would spend years, if not a lifetime, wishing somehow they could've saved you, wishing for anything JUST to have you there. Suicide may end one life, but it can truly destroy and traumatize those you leave behind.
Definitely seek counseling thru any means necessary, and remember that by ending your life you basically snuff out any chance of anything ever getting better in the future. And speaking from experience, it WILL get better.

 

Listen man. I was suicidal too at one point. In my experience what you need is something to vent your feelings into in order to better understand them. For me it was this insanely complicated story I made up with my freinds, but it could be anything. Stay strong and you always have us. ~cause that's the way I like to live my life, and I feel like everything's gonna be just fine~ sing it to yourself it's great lol. Holy shit I come off as so self centered in these "helpful" posts lord help us.

 

If your alive you can win. If you die, then you will definitely lose. Your so young, you still have a lot of time to find happiness. It will be hard. But hard implies possible, while finding happiness in death is impossible.