Hello, This doesn't really have anything to do with my orientation, but I really really need some advice. This has been driving me nuts for a while: For the past year it's been really difficult for me to talk to people. I get incredibly nervous, I blush, sometimes I even start to sweat and then I obsess about people being able to tell that I am nervous talking to them and it gets even worse. It's extremely uncomfortable and limiting. I don't know what to do about it... I didn't use to have this problem. Before, I never blushed, ever. I don't even feel like somebody who isn't confident. I am in a way and like I said, I didn't use to have this problem... Waah, does anyone have a similar problem? I would love some advice! Thanks in advance. Mia
I have had social anxiety my entire life. A tip that have learnt is when talking to people don't focus on yourself but on the person your talking to. You will then be less self conscience and awkward. Which will make you more relaxed and you will come across better. Don't worry about blushing, people won't notice that. They will instead notice your body language i.e. tight shoulders, no eye contact etc... If a thought comes into your head like "I am so nervous" then directly challenge that by thinking "Think about the person I'm talking to". Think of your focus as a beam of light, turn that beam from yourself to the other person. Just to clarify when I say think about the person your talking to I don't mean their opinion of you but what they are saying, their body language etc... Be patient with yourself, learning to thought challenge takes time and practice. Social anxiety sucks, however if you haven't had it for long then it shouldn't be too difficult to reverse.
I wonder if having many small, inconsequential conversations might help. Maybe try saying one thing to people like shop clerks, who are paid to be friendly, so you can "relearn" what it feels like to have an easygoing, breezy conversation. I think the fact that they're nobody to you so their opinions don't matter, even though I can guarantee they have no opinion of you, and that they will be nice and that the conversation will be over before you know it would be good "conditioning" for you. So, for example, next time you're grocery shopping, try a quick comment about the weight of your groceries or the weather or how you made it just before they closed. Whatever. They will make some responding comment and you can say something else or just smile in agreement. Take your change and go. Pleasant exchange, all over in less than a minute. These sorts of mini exchanges should hopefully help you get back to talking to people with the same ease as before.
Thank you so much. This actually sounds like really good advice. I am going to try that next time I talk to someone and can feel myself getting nervous again. I think what your advice hits very well is that kind of unncessary awareness of yourself. Maybe trying to change the focus on the other person will actually help. Although, don't you then find yourself trying to interpret their words and movements too much?