I'm thinking of coming out as bi to a close friend, but this is the first time I'll have told someone and I have no idea how to go about it or what to even say to him. I get anxious easily, so I don't think I could manage to tell him in person. I was thinking of doing it over messaging, but I've seen a lot of people say that's definitely not a good way of telling someone. I'm also kind of worried about how he'd react, even though I'm 99% sure he'll be fine with it (we've helped each other with issues in the past), but that could just be my pessimistic attitude talking.
Tell him that you need his support with something that's troubling you. By making him aware that you need his comfort that should make him alert that he should approach the topic sensitively. Make it a teachable moment for him, inform him how you found out that you belong to a community that is A,B,C,D. He may have misconceptions that are subject to bias, fear, and alienation, you can condition those by enlightening him on the topic. Try playing around with the tone of the discussion, people are less tense when they realize how nonchalance the person is. It's to say, people vibe off of one another's vibes.
Hello pharahmain! Welcome to EC! If you can't tell him directly, there are many other ways to Come Out. It seems likely that the two of you will want to have a discussion after you Come Out to him, so it would probably be best to do it face-to-face. Perhaps you could write him a letter or a note and hand it to him in person? Just a thought.
There's no "bad" or "wrong" way to come out. If telling them by text is what you are comfortable with, then that's what you should do. Hell, that's how I came out to the first person Just tell them you have something important to say, and then say it. Maybe tell them that you don't want this to change how they see you.
Hi pharahmain, the first time I came out I did it through text as I get really anxious easily too. Some people may think it rude to come out through text but it is a very daunting experience and this can make it much less scary I truly wish it all goes well for you and Whom ever you tell is okay with everything in you life
Thanks for the advice everyone, I'm going to ask him if I can talk to him about something, and then just come out and say it. I'm still nervous about how he'll react, but I've realised that I'll probably feel a lot better after just telling him, it'll be a huge weight off my shoulders.
Famous last words, he replied "Sure, what's up?" and I lost all confidence. I'm nervous as heck and I just can't bring myself to say anything. I even thought out what I was going to say beforehand and as soon as I saw his reply it all went out the window.
Hey pharahmain, What you experienced is very normal. Coming Out to someone for the first time is often very hard. The first person that I Came Out to was my best friend and I was, like you, 99% percent sure that he'd be fine with it. I texted him and asked if I could call him on the phone to talk about something. He said 'sure'. So I called, but then I ended up dancing around the issue for over 5 minutes, just nervously talking and finally saying that I wanted to tell him something very personal and private about myself before I could get the words unstuck from my throat and tell him that I'm Bi. He was very patient with me during that whole conversation and just let me ramble on until I was ready to say what I needed to say - and then ramble on for another 15 or 20 minutes as I released pent-up nervous energy after I was finally able to Come Out to him. Perhaps you could tell your friend incrementally or, in effect, back yourself into a corner by telling him (as I told my friend) that you have something very personal and private to tell him about yourself. That would probably at least prompt him to push you to tell him what you really WANT to tell him, even if the words initially lock in your throat.
I did it. I told him over text and then didn't check my phone for some time afterwards, but he was so understanding and supportive. It feels like a massive weight off my shoulders now, and I even feel more confident in myself as a person. I wouldn't have been able to do it if I hadn't had all this advice from everyone though, so thank you so much!
