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Is it possible to be romantically attracted to men but sexually attracted to women ?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Cas girl, Jul 29, 2017.

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  1. Cas girl

    Cas girl
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    Hi
    I know I asked this many times, but I still confused.
    I feel like both the labels "bisexual " and " lesbian" are not terms that defines best my sexuality. Definitely not straight.
    " Bisexual heteroromantic " is marginally better, but it is not perfect.
    My attraction to men is like a slow burn ( shallow breathing, tingly all over ) but with women, it is so much faster. But though faster, it is for a very short time. ( I really don't know how to accurately describe what I feel verbally. )

    And there is also this: full on lesbian sex makes me uncomfortable ( I have watched videos, attempted fantasizing with my favorite actress. I found that I am ok with certain parts of it, but mostly I am like " no, no, absolutely not" after the first few minutes of the video.)

    What does these mean ?
    under what part of the spectrum do I fall ?
    And nowadays I am asking myself whether I have internalized homophobia.
    And why only now, why not when I was in college ? And I went to an all girls school. Doesnt all the confusion start during your teenage years ?

    One more thing. Does hormonal imbalance affect your sexuality ?

    Thank you for reading.
     
    #1 Cas girl, Jul 29, 2017
  2. Creativemind

    Creativemind
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    IMO, in many cases this is a transitional thing. I'm sure there are true heteromantic bisexuals out there, but we can't deny that we live in a homophobic society that devalues same-sex relationships as a sexual thing only. (This is especially true since you seem uncomfortable with lesbian sex, which might take time to get used to)
     
    #2 Creativemind, Jul 29, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2017
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  3. andimon

    andimon
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    Romantic attraction towards a gender is usually nothing more than an increased sympathy for that gender. You will rarely find men in the same position as you, so you'd better orientate yourself towards close friendships with asexual / gay guys. You might be asexual altogether, in which case romantic relationships aren't going to be a problem, unless your sexual desires reappear (you'd be lying to yourself and missing out on that part of you in a relationship with the gender you don't feel any sexual drive towards). In the end, you'd be best pursuing relationships with women, with whom you could explore things such as sex and romance both. I'm sure as the time goes by you'll become able to develop more intense feelings for women as well, you're just new to this whole perspective.
     
    #3 andimon, Jul 30, 2017
  4. Chip

    Chip
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    I agree with the above posters. Generally "romantic attraction" appears to be another word for "deep, emotoinally intimate friendship" and is a term that seems to be common among people who are still coming to terms with their sexual orientation.

    Likewise, the attraction toward women may be somewhat tinged with an unconscious lack of complete acceptance of who you are (very, very common among people still figuring themselves out.)

    At the end of the day, the label isn't really very important. What's important is honoring what you feel. :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Chip, Jul 30, 2017
  5. Cas girl

    Cas girl
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    Thank you for all replies. I am going to just go with the flow.
     
    #5 Cas girl, Jul 31, 2017
  6. Senpai25

    Senpai25
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    I second that. I am grappling with similar issues at the moment with regards to my feelings towards men.

    One thing that stuck with me that my therapist told me is this quote. "Self-discovery is a marathon, not a sprint." It all comes down to discovering what makes you happy and coming to better understand who you are. It is best to take things at your own pace.
     
    #6 Senpai25, Jul 31, 2017
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