So I'm a gay guy and it took me a while to get used to it. Sometimes I'm still questioning whether I might be bi, but I'm feeling mostly comfortable calling myself gay. My attraction for men is much stronger. My problem is that I think I'll never date a guy or be in a relationship because of my look. I'm not a very good looking person and I don't fit the cliché of gay men in general. I'm very thin by nature and have literally no muscles. I tried working out for roughly a year but there wasn't a noticeable change in my appearance (I felt better and was more active, but almost no visible changes) and so I stopped. My body is a huge problem since it makes me feel small and unsure. I avoid looking at myself in the mirror and I don't go swimming. I wear long sleeves as long as possible even in summer because of my non-existent abs. On top of that, my skin is a huge problem. Even though I'm over 20 years old, my skin almost looks like the way it looked in my teenage years (when it was even more terrible). I'm working on it and also visited a doctor and it's gotten better in the past years, but it's still far from what most people have in terms of clarity and it affects me a lot. I doubt many people even know this. I'm usually described as being self-confident and I am for the most part, but deep down my look stops me from going out and date a guy. It even got so far that I rejected people in the past because I felt like I was not good enough. Sorry if that was a bit confusing but I had to get this out of my chest.^^
It might be worthwhile thinking about this for a bit - if you have had people express interest in dating you, and others view you as self-confident, your looks may not be the primary obstacle here. Why do you feel like you're not good enough? Because of your appearance, or other issues? I suspect that what you're running into is as much an issue of self-confidence (despite your outward appearance to others) as anything else. This is, in a lot of ways, the biggest and most common hurdle for relationships - if someone doesn't believe they deserve to date, or be with someone, etc., then sooner or later they will find a way to sabotage any relationship they may be in, or they simply won't start one altogether. You could come at this from a couple angles. Gaining weight and muscle might be one angle - working out is part of this, but adjusting your diet is another factor (it would probably help to speak to a nutritionist or doctor of some kind). But I think confronting your feelings about yourself will be another angle.
I know how you feel almost exactly. I've just turned 17 and just gotten over my previous attitude about my body. (Bit of back ground about my experience, feel free to skip it) The feeling of not being good enough is always there for me. I have had a boyfriend for about a month and a half now and he is my first ever partner (didn't even try with girls). The first time we were naked together I felt really self conscious and undeserving if him. He is cute and skinny which is my type. Having him around makes me feel more attractive and better as a person. Before we got together I would go from looking in the mirror and thinking that I was sort of attractive and borderline fit to the thinking I was disgusting and that no one could find me attractive. The most helpful price of advice I ever heard was from a random comic. He said that no matter how bad you think you look, you are gonna be someone's fetish. Basically saying someone is right for everyone. If you said no because you didn't think you were good enough then I don't blame you. I worry about that everyday. But the chances are that if they say yes then you are more than good enough because out of every possible person they could ask, they chose to ask you. As for exercise, if you didn't see any physical improvements then you probably just need to change your method of doing it. Going for a run won't help a naturally skinny guy build muscles. From my limited knowledge i can tell you that you need to eat allot for the right stuff, protein veg and carbs, and lift heavy but not so much you hurt yourself. I would read more bout it and and find your limits, my brother is a personal trainer so he helped me with it allot.
Being thin isn't that big a problem. Personally I am attracted to thin guys. Having non-existence abs puts you in the same category as 99% of men. Being thin as long as you are eating is a lot better than being obese.
I am going to agree with Gravity. This is probably more a function of confidence than actual appearance. Far too often when we have low confidence, low self esteem, low self worth, are confused about whom we are, we tend to look at ourselves more critically than how others see us. For you, your challenge is to continue to define whom you are, and embrace the person you are supposed to be. You can build confidence, self esteem, self worth and learn to love yourself by making yourself vulnerable. Take risks and open yourself up to others by setting challenges for yourself and accomplishing them. Whether your succeed or fail, you can build confidence by making yourself vulnerable. Through success of such challenge, you build confidence; and through failure when you realize your no worse off, you also build confidence. This may not sound intuitive, but when you are trying to embrace your sexuality and figure out whom you really are, vulnerability is a key part of the journey! You can learn to love yourself by making yourself vulnerable and when you do, I am confident you will walk by a mirror and stop to take a look. What you will see is a beautiful person!
