Hello everybody! So after further exploration of myself and because of help from this forum, I am glad to say that I finally know my sexual orientation and gender identity: male, gay and proud! I'm so excited to share this side of myself to the world, and I feel like I would not have much trouble letting people know the gender I truly am attracted to because of my personality, confidence and how I just act as myself without caring what others think about me, I probably won't have a big coming out moment for everyone outside my family, I'll just let it flow into the conversation. I have one roadblock though, and that is my family. I have previously asked my parents about how they felt about homosexuality and they informed me that they would continue to support me if I was gay, for them, I just need to find a comfortable way to let them know since they have grown up believing that being gay is bad; fortunately, they are very awesome parents. My biggest problem; however, is my little brother. We have a very strong bond, but he has shown multiple signs of being homophobic, and I am afraid to cause a problem between us. What would be the best way to come out to my family? I don't think I can tell anyone from my current friend groups without telling my family because I think they deserve to be first. Please help. Thank you very much!
Hey Peripuff, Congratulations if you finally understand and accept your sexuality! If you are truly ready to Come Out to your family, there are many ways to do it. You just have to decide on what way will work best for you. Among the possibilities are simply telling them that you are gay, writing them a letter, telling them in a funny manner, playing a Coming Out song for them, baking a cake and putting a rainbow on it plus the word's "I'm Gay" in icing, etc. What kind of method do you think suits your personality and your situation? In terms of your little brother, perhaps you might consider just Coming Out to your parents first and then asking their advice on Coming Out to him.
Congratulations for figuring yourself out! Regarding coming out to people around you, I think letting it flow through the conversation is the most common way to come out outside of one's family. The big coming out moment is very dramatic (and fitting for TV drama) but realistically unpractical and uncommon (unless it's really the kind of thing you'd naturally think to do in which case, why not). For your family, I think QuantumReality gave pretty good advices. Letters, arranging a moment to speak directly to your parents, or even the cake thing, are all pretty common (okay, maybe not the cake thing), and you may prefer coming out to your parents first then discuss the ways you could let your brother know (or not). It is important to know, however, that upon learning that a member of their close family is gay (or bi, trans, pan, and so on), a person is more susceptible to questioning the negative beliefs they have of LGBT+ people (I won't explain in detail but look up "Cognitive Dissonance" and you should understand). Good luck!
I totally understand why you feel that way about coming out to your brother. If I were you, I would try to teach him to be more accepting. Ask him why he feels the way he does, and then go from there. Coming out will either cause him to feel negatively towards you, or reevaluate his views on the matter. Studies have shown that people who know a gay person are less likely to be homophobic than those who don't.
In asking your parents how they feel about homosexuality you have already dropped a big hint and I'm sure the seed was planted in their mind. When you finally come out to them, it may not be such a shock and it sounds like they are open minded and accepting. I don't know how old your 'little' brother is, but the homophobic remarks could be a sign of immaturity if he is quite young. Even if he's not, he may change his tune when he is confronted with the reality that his own brother is gay. Often times, people climb down when they realise that gay people are not just other random individuals, but actually one of their own. It's quite a leveller for some people. A good resource for all family members is PFLAG.
OK, I told my parents, now I'm extra confused because they made me realize that what I am feeling is probably platonic and not romantic, I guess I'll wait and give it a few years and then discover myself when it comes. Thank you all for your help.
Hey Peripuff, Your parents' reaction is not at all unusual. They may think that if you don't have direct romantic/sexual experience that you can't really 'know' your sexual orientation. That simply isn't true. Only you can ever truly know what your romantic/sexual attractions are. And only you can actually know your sexual orientation. Everyone else simply has to take your word for it. It is not your parents' place (nor anyone else's) to question your sexuality when you choose to Come Out to them. As PatrickUK suggested, maybe check out the PFLAG website. In fact, maybe you could download and print the Our Children pamphlet for your parents. Maybe list for yourself what the factors have been that made you confident that you are gay and see how you feel about your determination. Just some thoughts.
I agree with what you are saying, and I understand where you are coming from, but my situation is a very unique one. I grew up in a very anti-social area so I never had the capacity to experience serious platonic love for another person. Recently, I moved to another place and I believe that my childhood has caused me to be unable to differentiate between romantic and platonic feelings. At the moment, I would rather wait until I am older and finish puberty before I label myself and risk experiencing even more confusion if I don't turn out to be gay. It would be best to focus on my studies and hobbies instead of continuing to analyze my emotions, and I am glad my parents knew me so well as to allow me to understand my feelings more closely and understand why I feel what I do. I still don't think I can differentiate between all forms of love so I would rather just trust my parents on this one because they have more experience with romance than I do.
Hey Peripuff, Well, you certainly don't have to label yourself now - or ever, for that matter. IMO, the most important thing is that you understand and accept your own sexuality. Each of us take that journey on our own and we reach a conclusion at our own individual pace and in our own good time. There is never a 'rush' or 'deadline' by any means to figure it out. Understanding your own sexuality can be very confusing, but since it is part of who each of us are, it's also not something that can really be ignored. If you have a really good relationship with your parents and they can help advise you along your journey, that's wonderful. Just keep in mind that when it comes down to it they can't actually know what you are feeling, only you can know that. I wish you all the best!
