Not meant to hurt or offend at all. Honestly I only used the word faker as that is the word you used in your post. Just to point out that since you do not want to get involved with a 'faker' --that I would think you would want to be as authentic as you could be going into a relationship. And I will agree with you that there are a bunch of jerks out there. But it is true that there are those wonderful men (and women) in the bunch too. I do know these 'give to the community' people personally. Expecting nothing in return. But yes, I know my share of a-holes as well! I do understand not wanting to be alone. I broke up with my girlfriend in January. I would like to be in a relationship again, to share my life with someone. Being alone can be really difficult sometimes. I can't say whether this man is right for you or not, maybe he is. As long as you are being true to what you believe you may have a good foundation for a solid relationship. I think people see red flags here only because in your original post you mentioned a sort of lukewarm feeling towards being a JW, but that you were going to embrace it anyway in order to be with this man. If that's not the case and this faith is truly meaningful to you and feels right in your heart and soul, then I imagine you and him would have the makings of a natural connection through your beliefs, and through events centered around the faith. I hope that everything works out in a way that is positive for you--all the best.
I certainly don't hate you, and didn't intend on being mean. But throughout your posts you've openly made fun of the religion, the people in it and stated that you may never really believe in it. Which in my view is disrespectful and goes against what I was taught. You have also openly admitted to wanting to trick a man into falling in love with you, which goes against the morals I was taught. How you live your life is your own business. However, if you think you've been judged harshly on EC you're in for a rough ride from the congregation.
I think the key word here is authenticity. We talk about it a lot on EC, particularly in this part of the forum, where so many people have experienced a stripping away of authenticity while they lived in the closet and embarked upon relationships that did not align to their sexuality. As someone who has contributed well to this part of the forum you will be only too aware of what I mean bb28. Authenticity is so important in our lives and my concern is that you are about to embark upon an inauthentic journey in order to date and finally marry the man who you have told us so much about and I think that could be profoundly damaging for you. If we speak about authenticity when it comes to matters concerning sexuality, we must follow the same line in all other respects. You intend to embrace the JW path and immerse yourself in all aspects of the witness community, not from a position of belief, but in order to achieve your aims and never experience the pain of divorce. Does that seem authentic and reasonable? I don't think so. To me, it seems as though you are putting the cart before the horse.
bibeauty28, I'm wondering, what are your feelings about all this? Your first message sounds excited, as if you are starting on an adventure. But your later messages seem to have more of a tone of regret. As if you are saying that you have been through some tough times and want to make sure it doesn't happen again. As if you know it first hand when you talk about the pain and anger at being abandoned. As if you are trying to find protection and safety for yourself and nobody seems to understand. You have to work extremely hard and stand alone against everybody to get your needs met. There seems to be a feeling of loneliness and being misunderstood. I may be wrong as the tone is hard to judge in writing but if you feel that way, I'm sorry about what you've been through. Your plan sounds quite hard on yourself and so much effort just to get what you need and deserve - somebody trustworthy, dependable and kind to love.
Life is great. I have a BF, and I'm living authentically as a gay man. Hopefully you'll find authenticity as well. You are doing an about face on 2 important issues (your sexuality and stance on religion). I don't recall where you fall on the Kinsey scale and I hope that you reconnect with your faith in a genuine way that allows you to find authentic happiness on this path. Otherwise I agree that you should end the plan. Good luck and I hope that you find what you are looking for.
Well said, Patrick. And my reason for responding to this again is that I believe this plan will ultimately be totally damaging to bibeauty, but again everyone has the right to experience what they must experience. I cannot begin to describe the peace I sometimes feel knowing I am getting closer to being authentic to myself, whether in coming out more and more, moving towards the career that is truly my passion, and working through the pain of phony relationships with narcissistic people, who initially present themselves as some kind of demigod of perfection until the tables turn. I have been down the slippery slope of turning myself inside out to not be who I truly am and I cannot even afford to go there again. One has to develop a pure sense of self love and ownership of one's own self before even considering a healthy relationship. I just do not see this in this writer's plans. Again, so many red flags. I hope you, bibeauty, do really understand what you are getting into with this religion as well. These people will never accept who you really are: Jim Moon is webmaster of A Common Bond, an international support group for ex-Jehovah's Witnesses who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. 1 Their web site states that: "The Jehovah's Witness religion teaches its membership to believe that homosexuality is 'detestable', 'an abomination', 'abhorrent', and is caused by demon possession. Because of this, thousands of gay Witnesses are living lives of deeply closeted guilt, and fear of destruction by God. Those who choose to leave, or are expelled from the Witnesses face immediate isolation and shunning from family and friends. It is for this reason that 'A Common Bond' was created - to offer support and comfort to those who once thought they were alone and condemned...Gays and lesbians who have been kicked out of the JWs are in a special need for all the emotional and spiritual support they can get. If JWs don't conform completely to the sect's doctrines and practices, including a strict prohibition against merely being gay, they are disfellowshipped, which is a severe punishment. It amounts to total ostracism." If detected, gays and lesbians who refuse to remain celibate are expected to repent of their actions and to refrain from same-sex behavior in the future. Those who refuse are almost inevitably disfellowshipped. The WTS expects all of its members to agree with and follow all of the requirements of the organization, which are based on the WTS' interpretation of the Bible. While disfellowshipped, fellow members are required to shun him/her completely, avoiding all contact. If the disfellowshipped person is a family member, then they are treated normally within the family, except that they are made to understand that their actions are disapproved of. There is no discussion about church matters in their presence. This can have a devastating effect on a person whose entire religious, family and social life were grounded in the Society. As in most large religious organizations, official policies must be administered by junior officials within the local congregation. Some consider even celibate gays and lesbians as unsuitable for membership. Confidential Textbook
Wondering that too. It seems like trolling behavior. Also, it is strange on the "later in life" forum. Doesn't seem to fit.
I've skimmed through the replies from OP so i haven't read them thoroughly, but so far i am not seeing anything that indicates that bibeauty acknowledges and fully understands that this brilliant man has his own opinions and perspectives. In order to marry her so he can be with her for the rest of his life, well he's gotta fall in love with her first. She is frequently mentioning that if they marry he can't leave her - where does this come from? Is she afraid of falling and love and being abandoned or something? If this need for him to have no way out is coming from somewhere, then that needs to be addressed. I don't want anyone to make my mother's mistake of rushing into a relationship and motherhood without addressing mental health / traumas. But really, a lot of the rest of it sounds like generic romance. I'd love to have that kind of relationship someday, but i think the same can be said for a lot of us. But the mentioning of being hooked for life a few times caught my eye. Everyone and Bibeauty, have any opinions or thoughts? I didn't directly address Bibeauty till now cause its been a few days since she's been on here so idk if she got mad or something and is avoiding the site or if she's genuinely been busy.
Okay i take it back. I'm replying to you. I've only skimmed through the comments so i very well might be jumping the gun, to say, but i didn't see any nasty replies. I just saw people voicing their opinions and thoughts. No insults or name calling or anything like that. So how are we being mean for us voicing our opinions? Is that not what you wanted / expected? Or were you just trying to talk about something you were excited about? Maybe wanted people to be happy with you? I'm grasping at straws at this point trying to be thorough. I don't think we have been mean, but i also do not understand your pov when you posted this.
Listen, you are entitled to go about your life whatever way you find best. I do want to point out though that this quote above I think shed some light to your situation. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems you are deeply afraid of being left or getting divorced. And that's a totally understandable fear. I come from a divorced family and that's the last thing I want for myself, too. BUT, I wonder, wouldn't you rather live a truthful life full of honesty with a partner that stays with you because he/she wants to and not because they are constricted to because of religious beliefs? This guy sounds great, sure, but if he isn't the right guy for you (and based on how hard you have to work for it, it doesn't seem like it's a natural fit), if things get rocky between you down the line and you are forced to stay together because of religion and beliefs, things aren't going to bode well internally for either of you. Those kind of relationships carry a lot of resentment, hate and unhappiness. Just something else to think about.
