Would you date bi people?

While I would kind of prefer not to, yes, yes I would.
The only reason I would prefer to date other lesbians is because being a full-on lesbian is just one more thing that would make my partner relatable, it's another thing we'd understand about each other.
But I am certainly not opposed to dating someone who is bi.

 

Taraeos... Thank you for putting it out there. Though I've only been in one relationship (STILL) I've read so many people feeling that bi girls or guys aren't trustworthy and they're afraid they're going to go the other way...yada yada yada..! If I choose to date someone, whether its a guy or a girl, I chose them for qualities I find attractive and while in that relationship I'd be true to them. It's no different in a purely gay or lesbian relationship as far as I can see.

 

Honestly guys, the main reason some lesbians are "skeptical" of bi women really has to do with the fact that there are a large amount of heteromantic bisexuals in the world that want to use lesbians as a side piece or as a hook-up only. I've been in so many bi communities (I thought I was bi at one point) and it is filled with bisexuals thinking that their sexuality is the same thing as poly, and their mono partner is selfish for not letting them get opposite genitals on the side. Every single bi woman who approached me in real life has also been a dishonest heteromantic who didn't want a serious, life long relationship with the same sex, so I am a lot more wary now.

This isn't true for all bisexuals, and I feel sorry for biromantic or homoromantic ones who get caught up in this mess. Many leave certain bi communities and identify as gay to not be caught up in this (I've heard them complain about the heteromantic ones too). But I don't think blaming lesbians is the answer, especially if they are constant victims to this problem. Individual bisexuals also cannot be blamed if they did nothing wrong. The true source to blame for this is our society for devaluing same-sex relationships and saying that anything between two women is just a hook-up and not a lifelong relationship. More people need to start blaming the heteromantic/poly bisexuals that are dishonest because they created the biphobia that lesbians have. Every lesbian would probably be open to dating bi people if they were able to tell the difference between romantic orientation, and It's a shame we haven't gotten there yet.

 

I fully agree. I realized and learned this very quickly wuthin a couple days on a dating site. Of course I don't believe every single bi person already has a boyfriend and just want threesomes, there are certainly bi's who are monogamous and loyal, but it gets annoying when you run across alot of them who only want a hookup just becsuse their boyfriend thinks it's hot for his girlfriend to make out with another girl. (Sorry, the topic sort of annoys me.)

But to answer, if I knew she was looking for a legitimate, monogamous relationship, then I might date a bi.

 

There is a common misconception about bi people that we aren't as committed or loyal in relationships, since we're attracted to both genders.

But that doesn't really make a difference. Gay and straight people are just as likely to cheat on you as a bi person.

 

Do you think this is a similar situation with men? I am a male heteromantic bisexual. Are gay men just as wary for the same reasons a lesbian would be? I would never cheat on a partner regardless, and highly prefer monogamy. I was just wondering if gay men had the same sentiments towards hetero-bi men?

 

Forgot to add you in my previous post, but same questions.

 

Well, that's dumb. It's like saying someone who is attracted to more than one race, or body type, or age, etc. is likely to cheat on you.

Does anyone have statistics for poly people, and whether most of them are straight?

 

I'm really sorry, I'm not sure. My (self-proclaimed ignorant) opinion or guess might be he just might want to be sure you're interested in men, but it might or might not be the same as- I know this is partially wrong of me, but I sort of roll my eyes to myself once I hear someone's bi, but I immediatrly remind myself she might not be that way, to not jump to conclusions immediately. I'm really not sure if men have the same type of thing like that or not. Or some here and there might, but it might just be an individual thing for guys.

 

I was recently in a relationship with a bi guy, it was the most painful experiemce ever, the internalized homophobia he had was beyond catastrophic, the fact that for the 8 years i always had to fight for equality in my relationship was beyond tragic, the lying, equally the fact he was to hetero marry behind my back and keep me as a joke, was hurtful. Would i date a bi guy after that? Id say am cautious,scared and its even made me cautious of fellow gay men, for i learnt that some still struggle with societal expectations vs their nature. I guess we just want a partner as lgbt people that can stand with us, even during the most trying of times, even when homophobia is staring at you in the face.

Also what i find common between 'some' bi guys, is the whole gay people are for fun or for experimenting, or they'll say "it was a phase" or "am just with him , till i get the right hetero person for marriage", while hetero people are for serious life stuff, the white picket fence and image.
Thats quite damaging stuff, for you destroy other lgbt peoples esteem, self worth, even push others to depression and suicide. For every action or decision you make uknowingly in a relationship with an lgbt person, may seek to devalue the humanity of the lgbt person as being less than and cements hetero centric values like homophobes would like, as the normal.

So i guess its a struggle with internalized homophobia for some lgb folks. Equally a good reflection of the homophobic ignorance still out there.

 

Honestly, I'd prefer dating someone who is bi because I feel like there would be a mutual understanding, but I'd be fine with dating a gay man or a straight woman if that person was accepting.

 

If you are a heteromatic one, I don't see why it would work out with a gay man (since heteromantic bisexual means will date/marry the opposite sex only, and will sleep with both). So yes, I can see why gay men would be skeptical.

Personally for me, I have been raised to believe that casual sex is not morally correct, regardless of what genders are involved. Straight or gay, I believe that sex of any kind should be with your significant other that you plan to stay committed to. PLEASE NOTE: That does NOT mean I will slut-shame you or call you names if you enjoy hook-ups. I believe everyone has the right to make their OWN choices without judgment. Just because you have different values does not mean I will shame you out of those values.

HOWEVER, I am bringing this up purely because these are my values, and I want my values to be respected. When a heteromantic bisexual woman wants me to "hook-up", experiment, be poly, or threesome with her boyfriend, she is being highly disrespectful to my values and that is not at all ok. Not to mention, it is incredibly hurtful to me. I don't just want monogamy, I want a committed relationship and marriage. It hurts like hell to just be used as a casual sex partner, especially when you DON'T want or like casual sex (imagine straight women who are lied to and hurt by a guy who only wanted to fuck her, that's how it feels to me). It hurts to be left for a man, purely based on the reasoning of "wanting a hetero lifestyle, wanting kids, only using you until the right guy comes along to marry". It makes you feel inferior and it's the same exact homophobia we get.

I just don't like that we always are blaming gay people for their biphobia, when bi people can and do have problematic preferences that they aren't asked to analyze. If not wanting to date bisexuals is biphobia....then being a heteromantic bisexual could also be seen as homophobia. People will argue that "heteromantic bisexuality is closer to a real sexuality", but in all honesty, we are culturally influenced to disregard gay people as inferiors. It's likely that this preference is due to cultural homophobia and not biological factors in many cases. I don't see how It's better than the belief of gay people when both sides have problematic views.

If I meet a bisexual who also is against casual sex and wants true life long monogamy with the same sex, I would be ok with it. And I know they exist. The only problem I have, is that when a lesbian only wants casual sex....you know exactly what she wants, and can avoid her. A bisexual looking for hook-ups only with women, can still put she wants to date, and I don't know she only meant men until it's too late. I am very bitter about this.

 

Why do people assume bi people arent monogamous. Bisexual does not mean promiscuous. If they were faithful to me then yes.

 

my girlfriend is bi. we both are huge flirts and hit on a ton of people but would never actually cheat on each other

 

Well, I'm pan, so I'd be a bit of a hypocrite if I refused to date somebody who was bi, wouldn't I?

 

See though, I consider myself monogamous despite being hetero-bi. I would never consider cheating on a partner, and I'd be honest with them from the start about the exact nature of my orientation. I would not want to lie to them at all. I'd let them decide if they were comfortable with the arrangement or not.

 

Why not? If (s)he's willing to start a monogamous relationship with you, then (s)he knows that (s)he won't need anyone else of either sex.

I'm bisexual myself. While I lean more towards men (cis or trans, I don't care) I like women too (same.) All of my relationships have been with men and I have never been unfaithful to my then-partner with a woman; I didn't even think about women too much then.

 

And yeah, that's definitely fine. I think It's good that you are willing to be honest with them. My intention was not to state that bisexuals cannot be monogamous (I know they can). Rather, what I am saying, is that a heteromantic bisexual can never give a gay person what they truly need to be happy. And since most bisexuals I encounter are heteromantic, that is the reason why gay people are wary. It's not that we think bisexuals are cheaters or poly any more than gay or straight people are. It's that the idea of being open to sleeping with us but not marrying us is hurtful to gay people, and completely destroys our self-worth. It reminds us of cultural homophobia that makes us feel unwanted and less than a human being. Bisexuals that are biromantic or homoromantic are usually preferred by gay guys and lesbians (personally, I prefer homoromantic bi people), but the problem is that we have no idea which bi person is which, there's never enough information given. We have to be cautious around the whole group for that reason.

 

Absolutely. But then I'm very "equal opportunity" when it comes to orientations.

Too many people mistake bisexuality for poly, especially in the gay community, it seems. Now.... would I date someone that's poly? Nope. Not in any serious capacity.

 

That makes sense. It's a shame that gays/lesbians have to be this wary because of it. I am disturbed that even within the LGBT community, there is different forms of prejudice occuring against its own members. I'm sorry that some bisexuals treat their fellow gay and lesbian brothers and sisters this way. I also never realized that being hetero-bi was a form of homophobia. I feel guilty now that that is how my attractions developed...