(Note: this thread is entirely cliche and I can only apologise haha) Hey guys, I was hoping someone could shed some light on an encounter I've recently experienced. To give a prelude to the main event, I'll first give context. We matched on ###### and the standard form of communication became two regular, very long text messages each day (when I say long, I mean they were condensed on i-message and I didn't even know that could happen, haha). My friends thought it was abit weird but I actually liked the long text messages, seemed like he was genuinely interested in my responses. We quickly added each other on facebook and exchanged numbers, and later arranged our first date. Our first date was honestly really nice. There were no awkward silences, he seemed very interested (constant body touching on his behalf, body language imitation etc etc) and I had a really nice time. However, I never make the first move. He texted me around half an hour after the date finished saying he had a lovely time and wondered if I'd like to do it again. I waited the usual standard of a couple of hours and replied yes, I'd love to see him again. It turns abit weird afterwards - he didn't reply his usual lengthy reply and it was quite short. It consisted of basically being 'aw that's great, sounds cool! sorry for the late reply, work was manic'. At this point I chalked it down to work, which was fair enough. I replied suggesting the date activity, followed by general small talk about Game of Thrones. That happened on Monday, and by Wednesday I'm afraid I was abit like, what? And my phone is known for being abit blinky, so I won't lie I assumed my phone had fucked. I sent the questionable double text and texted him Wednesday about a status he wrote (he accepted a uni offer, I texted him congratulating). He's stiill not replied and it's now Friday :/ The thing is, I've been around the dating scene long enough to appreciate that a first date isn't a big deal. Usually I wouldn't care, being ghosted doesn't phase me that much (admittedly it also doesn't happen that much). But our date went so well and HE messaged me asking for a second one. I don't understand what could've happened in that amount of time that he's now ignoring me? Could anyone shed on any light about his response? In my mind, if he were to ghost, wouldn't he do it after the date? e.g wouldn't text me asking for a second one? And would it be weird to message him again for a third time? Honestly, I wouldn't have even messaged him a second time if my phone wasn't well dodge and I could trust it to actually send text messages. But I kinda wanna message him being like what's the deal, but also wish him luck with starting uni. The message wouldn't be like 'why won't you love me?' (haha), but more casual and like 'hey, just wondering what the deal with the 180 was? either way, I hope you have an amazing time at -insert uni here-, and I hope you smash it' because the confusion of the 180 is well frustrating me more than anything
Oh to give further context, I did make a light hearted joke about the length of his text messages. Maybe he took it the wrong way? Either way, is it as weird as I think it is to message him asking why? Again, I'm not invested enough to be pining over someone I don't know THAT well, and I don't want the message to suggest that's the case. I literally just want to know why he would ghost me after initiating the second date himself? Is that acceptable to ask? (I feel like it isn't you know haha)
awwww bless you. attachment and investment are too familiar for me, and it does make your mind think all sorts of things that's not doing you of any favours. since he's going into uni, I can only assume he's 18 now. so he's just finished sixth form, he can finally enjoy summer. probably going abroad for once finally. Work like you said. Or something like exhaustion, you never really know. Perhaps he's talking to someone else and he can't split the focus well enough. Perhaps he's not the type to bluntly ghost and suggested a second date to appear nice. I've never really gone on dates, but the whole situation seems familiar. you talk to someone nice, they appear interested, but when they finally find something about you that turns them off they politely step back, though it'll give nice closure to tell you up front. expect the worse, but then the worse is you never talk again and he's not all that...makes you feel relieved you dodged a bullet as well.
Yeah, I think that's where my problem is. I am naturally abit socially anxious, aren't we all, and I keep thinking about things that I might've said that he took offence to. I just think it's abit cruel for him to be interested to ask for the second date, and then air me haha. Like I said, if he acted like he wasn't interested to begin with, I'd be fine with the ghosting because I'd understand it more. But to give context, the uni acceptance is a masters degree and he's older than 18. We're both out of the awkward teenage years. Because of that, in my mind it's reasonable to ask what the u turn was about. But social rules are telling me that a third text message is too much, even if I try and centre it based on humour haha. Honestly though, curiosity is killiing me. Should I just message him? I've even composed a relatively light hearted message, and I'm just undecided on whether to send it haha.
i would ask how he is feeling/how he's doing, like you're concerned instead of coming across as needy because you're checking up on his matter. don't worry about sending him within the limits of 5 consecutive texts, it's only a red alert if the whole screen is 10 lines of your messages, then that's very clingy. check if he reads your messages, when he's online but not replying. i think that's quite a big indication that he's not really interested anymore. it does sound really annoying that he doesnt tell you stuff about his life especially when it concerns talking to you, the least he could do is say he can't talk for a while. i'll give it 2 weeks and if no reply, i'd stop being so invested tbh. if he ever does come back, make sure that reason is justified and not ''i was dating someone else and it didnt go well so hi i'm going to use you'' lol
