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Should I tell my parents I am bi-curious?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by EvanB1912, Jul 26, 2017.

  1. EvanB1912

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Out Status:
    A few people
    After talking to one of my school friends over Discord (who is a bisexual boy), I realised I was bi-curious, and told him, and he was totally cool with it. (I even explained that I'd be interested in 'experimenting' with him. :wink: And he was cool with that!)

    The main conflict I have now is: Should I tell my parents?

    If I came out as gay or bi-sexual, for example, they'd be totally okay with that. But, my bi-curiosity only reaches a level of "sexual fantasy / desire" (i.e. I have no interest in having a relationship with another boy) and I'm reluctant to explain that. I don't want them to see me as just a horny little teenager. And, if I decide I am bi-sexual later, I'd have to chat with them again.

    I'm a 15-year-old boy, so I doubt I would / could experiment physicslly right in the present. I have this massive emotional and physical crush on a girl at my school, and only a physical one on the boy from Discord I mentioned (he's the only person I have told, by the way).

    I just want to hear what you lot think on this forum. This is the most confusing point of my life, so far. I will appreciate any and all advice. :slight_smile:
     
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  2. Mia C

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    Hey Evan,

    I know, you probably want somebody to answer with a definite "yes" or "no" but honestly, I think that really depends on how you're feeling and what your relationship to your parents is like.

    You say, you are sure that they would take it well and that you are feeling confused at the moment, so maybe it could be nice for you to be able to talk to someone you can trust and who loves you no matter what.

    On the other hand, keep in mind, that there is no need to come out. You don't need to pressure yourself! You can take all the time you need to figure out what feels right and what feels wrong and choose a moment to come out when you're a little more sure about what you are feeling.

    If you want, you could tell us a little more about your parents and about how you wish they would react if you did decide to talk to them. What would be the best possible outcome for you?

    I am bi myself and did talk to my mum when I was a teenager and only thought I was bi-curious. I am now 22 and recently properly came out to her. If you have any questions, feel free to ask anything :slight_smile:

    Mia
     
  3. EvanB1912

    Regular Member

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    I have a really good relationship with my parents, but recently I feel I haven't really been making an effort to talk to them as much as I used to. Being totally honest, the best outcome, for me, is that they accept it, and then just let me get on with it on my own. I know it sounds a bit weird and maybe selfish, but I feel I'd get through it better alone, thinking about it.

    Also, just wondering, how did you come out (if it isn't too personal)?

    Thanks for the reply :wink:
     
  4. Mia C

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    Hey,

    I think that does put you in a premium position though, doesn't it? :slight_smile:

    There's no pressure for you to talk to your parents, you have all the time in the world to figure it out and share it with them when you feel ready. And on the other hand it is nice to know they'll probably take it well and if you ever need someone to talk to, they'll be there.
    I also think to a degree it is normal, that we stop sharing everything with our parents as we get older. That can be confusing enough on its own ...


    And sure, ask me anything! It's not too personal at all.

    I think back when I was a teenager and had some first same-sex crushes and later some fairly innocent first experiences I just kind of shared that with my mum, just like I would have if they had been guys. I don't think I had a proper conversation with her about it, I'd just say 'I was on a party yesterday and got a little tipsy and kissed my friend' - and she'd go "alright" - but then again, I wasn't really questionning my sexuality in that sense and I don't think she was thinking about it much either.

    I talked to lots of my friends about it and they all said they had fancied girls before and that it was normal for straight people to have same sex crushes and phantasies every now and then. A couple of years later I realised that while "some same-sex crushes every now and then" don't necessarily mean that you're not straight, if 4/5 people you look at are girls and you're also a girl, you probably aren't straight. :grin: What followed was the biggest part of coming out for me - coming out to myself. Sounds cheesy, but it was a big deal actually, getting used to the idea and repeating the words in my mind until they started feeling comfortable.

    Then I started coming out to my friends, starting with people who I knew I could trust and who would take it well. After I had come out to a few people and knew roughly what questions would come up and so on, i finally decided to tell my mum. That was only a couple of weeks ago. I told her that I had a crush on someone and she asked me about "him" and I said, well it's a woman, actually. And then we had a whole conversation about how I identified and all that. But she was pretty unimpressed, to be honest :grin:

    Hope that helps! :slight_smile: If you have any questions, feel free to ask!
     
  5. spaghetti0

    spaghetti0 Guest

    Personally, I would wait until you have your sexuality figured out before you come out. If you are an extrovert then maybe it would make sense to tell them, so they can help you as you figure it out. I'm very introverted and have trust issues so I am very hesitant to tell people really personal stuff.