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How did you know your child was trans??

Discussion in 'For Parents and Family Members of LGBT People' started by Jem4212, Jul 25, 2017.

  1. Jem4212

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hi everyone!! So I have a daughter who is young and she has recently told us that She was meant to be a boy. Very convinced that she is in the wrong body. Always has been very Tom boyish but we always brushed it off as that. Now that she knows we know she is all about boy everything cutting the hair and boy clothes and calling her "him" and "handsome" everything!! It's kinda a lot to take all at once but we are totally supportive of it all as long as she is happy. Not going to lie definitely a little bit of a shocker and sometimes a little sad like I'm losing my daughter but I just want her to be happy and be herself!
    But with all this being said how did you know that it wasn't just a phase? That this was actually Them wanting to change? Also what's our next step? Do we contact her doctor? Therapist? What? Help?!
     
  2. Athexant

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Well, I'm not a parent, but I'm trans (female-to-male, just like your newfound son). First off, it's awesome that you're so supportive of their decision. I know, as a parent, that must be really hard for you, and even though you're shocked, you're taking it really well. I really wish my mom was as supportive when I came out.

    The first step is to get used to calling him by the pronouns he prefers. This takes a lot of time, and you'll make mistakes. If you do make a mistake, just correct it. It happens, and we understand that. Also, picking out a name is pretty important. Your child may want to go by a more masculine version of their current name (if one exists) or maybe they want a new name entirely. You can offer to help your kid pick, or they may want to do it themselves. That one varies depending on the person.

    Next, focus on clothing and appearance. Haircuts, male clothing. There are these things called binders for making one's chest look more masculine. There are certain rules to safe binding, such as never buying a cheap binder, never binding for more than eight hours at a time, never sleeping in a binder, don't wear it in extreme heat, never wear while exercising. There are many resources online should that be something you're both interested in. Once he changes his appearance, he'll probably have to start and come out at school. The school is legally obligated to protect your child, and if any harassment occurs, they're held responsible. (Look into your state's discrimination laws. Because of a conservative congress, they could have changed).

    After that, you'll probably want to contact his pediatrician. The doctor has a list of therapists and other doctors they can recommend. Your pediatrician is dedicated to preserving the health of well-being of your child, so it's really good to talk with them first. If the therapist doesn't click with your child, you have to keep trying until you finally find one who does. Why give your money to someone who can't help your child because they can't form a meaningful connection to them? The therapist will evaluate your child over the period of many months to see if this is really what they want. (This is also how to tell if this is just a phase, however, from what you described, it sounded like my situation, and I've been trans for a long time).

    The therapist usually prescribes hormone blockers if your child hasn't hit puberty yet or in the midst of puberty. Hormone blockers prevent more unwanted changes from advancing or occurring. It would block your child's estrogen (female hormone) production. After having the blockers, the testosterone (male growth hormone) is more effective in changing your child's body to how they want it.

    Don't even think about surgery yet. It's too risky for your child's health and well-being. They should be an adult before they make that decision.

    I know this is a lot of information, but I promise you that not all of this will happen at once. You're still overwhelmed, which is completely fine and understandable. Take it at your own pace. Your family has a long road ahead, and it's fine to stop and smell the roses every once in a while. There'll be a lot of stress but also a lot of joys and milestones you'll encounter. And just like any normal teenager, there'll be arguments, tears, blowing things out of proportion. Don't take any of these arguments personally. Your child will remember that you're supportive, and I swear they'll love you so much for it. They'll never forget that you were there for them. It may not seem like they appreciate it in the heat of an argument, but they do. Trust me on that one.

    I'm sorry this got to be so long, but I hope this helped. And if you have any more questions, feel free to ask! There's no such thing as a stupid question, I promise!

    Edit: I fixed my grammar.
     
    #2 Athexant, Jul 25, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2017
  3. Jem4212

    Regular Member

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    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thanks so much!!! That one thing I have to say as our family goes we are very supportive in all of this. My nephew came out gay a while back and everyone has been great with it!
    Yes we did get her hair cut pretty short but today we r going to go and get it really short boy cut as we call it!! And she is so excited!! She already wears boyish clothes like swishy shorts and t shorts so when we go school shopping she wants to get more clothes that r boyish she said and no more girl ones which I said is fine. We also did find some local support groups here for trans family's so I'm looking forward to meeting other family's and getting some info and meeting people too!! It's just one of those things were it's a lot at once I'm excited and so proud of her but so scared for her. I know there is going to be challenges ahead but we will face them together and go with the flow of it!! I just wasn't to sure how it all worked where she is so young she's only 7 and I feel like that's young but I do read a lot of kids do know at a young age but just may. To tell or are afraid to express it.
    Thanks again for all your help and information!