I'm 15-years-old, and up until a few days ago, I thought I was totally straight. I got to chatting to a friend online (who is a bi-sexual boy) and we somehow ended up on the topic of threesomes, more specifically, between me, him, and another girl. Since that point I was just thinking about that constantly, and started fantasising about maybe going one-on-one with him. I've never been in a relationship before (I'd love to, though), but I have this huge emotional and physical crush on a girl at my school. My curiosity with the same-sex only extends to a sexual level, however, and I would not want to be in a real relationship with another boy. I've talked to this same friend about how I feel, and he's totally chill about it (I even told him that I'd probably love experimenting with him). I just want to hear what other people have to say about this. Also, I'm unsure whether to let my parents know about this or not. I just feel that explaining I only have a sexual curiosity for the same sex would just be awkward, and it might change their view on me (they'd probably be totally okay if I was gay or bi, but being as the curiosity I feel is whollely a sexual fantasy, it would just be weird). I'm probably at the most confused point of my life so far, and I'll appreciate any and all advice from you.
Just take is one day at a time, honestly. I'm bisexual, but my bisexuality is different from yours. Each person's own preferences and what they find attractive is different. You may have a large preference for females, hell, it might be as large as a 90-10 difference in attraction. But that's okay. Most people have the perception that bisexuality has to be 50-50. That's not necessarily the case. Also, as you get older and find that your hormones change, you might go from 90-10 to 80-20, then 40-60. Don't be alarmed if it changes on you; that's normal. You're young, so I suggest experimenting. Maybe not physically just yet (at least wait until you reach the age of consent, I don't know what it is in England). Watch porn, masturbate, pay attention to your fantasies. Also, there's no rush to tell your parents. Say something to them whenever you feel comfortable. You're just in the "curious", early stages right now, so there's no point in getting them all worked up, in my opinion. However, you do what feels comfortable to you. My last piece of advice is to just try labels and see how they make you feel. If it feels right, it's right. If it doesn't, find something else. Don't rush it though, you've got your whole life ahead of you. If you're heteroromantic (romantically attracted to the opposite sex) and bisexual, that's fine. Who you date doesn't change your sexual orientation and who you have sex with doesn't change your romantic orientation. Sorry for the length, but I hoped this helped.
What you're experiencing is just what I went through,.. and where I stayed too. Your friend might be a safe starting point. You won't lose your desire for girls. That sort of thing rarely goes away. As far as the 'rents: maybe this is not the time to be making announcements. They already know that you are going through SOMETHING, because everybody does.
Thank you so much for that reply, it's what I really needed. I totally agree with you on the parents thing too. I'm guessing that if this was just a passing thing for me then it is not worth the hassle of explanation. Sex is never an easy topic to talk to your parents about, in my opinion, I'm just not ready for that. Thank you!
I totally agree with the whole parents thing. The boy I mentioned is really trusting, and he is the only person I've told about this, and I probably aim to keep it that way, for the time being. Thank you!
I felt the exact same way a couple of years ago. But the more I accepted my bi-ness, the more I realized that I am biromantic, too. This might not be the same for you, but it's something to think about. It is totally possible to be bisexual and heteromantic
Hey! I feel similar. I am, as I am figuring out, at least bi-curious too. And like you, up until recently I thought I only was interested in hooking up with members of my gender but not interested in real relationships but now that I have a "real crush" on a girl, and am realizing that I am actually interested in a relationship with her and maybe other girls down the road but I still have a preference of guys. But I am also debating whether I should act on my curiosity because of worry over many factors. Mainly I don't want to hurt anyone, or hurt myself in the process. Also my parents would definitely not take it seriously if I came out...or maybe they'd take it too seriously after that...and it doesn't help that the girl I like is most likely completely straight...and since this is the first time I've had a crush on a girl, I don't know if it will happen again, so I feel like the best thing to do is to forget about this crush, and maybe that will be that...but another side tells me, "if you like this girl like that, there will be more" and in a strange way this crush brings me happiness as much as it brings me sadness. I wish I had advice for you but I don't. But I can definitely relate.
I'm going to agree Athexant. I would definitely take it a day at a time. Your body is going through a ton of changes right now, so it's natural that things will get confusing. Your hormones are also all over the place, which could explain why you fantasize about sexual relationships with guys more than romantic. This isn't a scientific fact, just a theory. But it does seem to make sense, as most of us tend to question our sexualities around the time of puberty. Over time though, those will tend to calm down a bit and it becomes a lot easier to figure out who you're attracted to, and to what degree you're attracted to them (whether it's girls more than guys, guys more than girls, or you're more romantically attracted to girls and sexually attracted to guys, and vice versa). I would say most bisexuals though do tend to lean towards one sex over the other. And a lot of us are more sexually or romantically attracted to one over the other. But like I said, this will take time to figure out. But you'll get there, and you'll have all of us to help you there In the mean time, I don't think it would hurt if you experimented a little lol. As long as you're safe about it and it's with someone you feel comfortable with. As for your parents, I'm going to reiterate what others have said. Wait to tell them. Try and figure yourself out a little first. It'll make things way less confusing in the future, for you and your parents.
