So, I currently identify as genderfluid, but I'm exploring that as well. But what I do know is that I like girls very much. I want a girlfriend, but, right now, I am dating a male. There are times where I'm severely unhappy with him, not because of him, but because it feels like I'm lacking in what I want. I do love him, he is great and he cares a lot. But at the same time, I'm unhappy with who I'm dating because I identify as mostly gay, and I need a strong connection with a guy before dating one. And even then, I'm becoming less attracted to the opposite sex. So, I either continue unhappy with someone I love, or I come out to myself and find someone who fits what I want from life.
Hi Harvey Noises, It sounds like ending your current relationship is necessary if you don't love him and feel that it is a lacking something. Before I had fully accepted that I'm gay I date a girl for a short while and the whole time it felt false and a pretence. It felt like some element was missing. I've never had that with a guy. If you are feeling similar then I would suggest ending it with him anyway. That will also give you space to explore your gender identity and sexual identity as well. There's nothing wrong with ending a relationship with some who seems to be ideal if it doesn't feel right because that feeling will affect the entire relationship. So just be true to yourself. Hope that helps.
That's the thing. I do love him. I do feel something is lacking. He's tried his best to support me being genderfluid and he still has a difficult time. I told him, I'm exploring and that I might be trans, and he told me, "I'm still straight. And you're my girlfriend. I'll support you." That's another part where it scares me. The thing is as well, I'm moving a year most likely, and he's moving in two years. I'm wondering if it's best just to suck it up for now until band season is over(we are both brass captains in marching band) and wait until I move.
@Harvery Noises Maybe I should have said, even if you love him and feel something is lacking. Basically, if you feel it is not for you then it might be best to end things. Can I ask, how accommodating of your need he is if he is insisting that you are his 'girlfriend'? Does that not suggest that he is unable to adjust? Just asking.
I agree. I guess I'm just really scared. I know what I should do. I should come clean, but I can't help but cling to this, to him.
That's good that you know what you need to do. It's just a case of when and how right? Will there be a time soon when you will have some time apart? I know you mentioned moving but I was thinking, if he is going away for a weekend or something you could tell him and it would give him and your some time to process it without getting in each others way. If he isn't going away could you travel maybe? Obviously, this is just one way to approach it. But how would feel about telling and then have a break away from each other? Also, would you prefer to do it by letter or face to face?
I know this is a late reply to this thread, but I felt you definitely deserved a reply. I apologize for not doing so sooner, but I'm glad I didn't. I have not broken up with him. I don't think I will for a while. In the past two weeks or so, he's adjusted a lot. He's called me "he". He hasn't gone as far to say boyfriend, but it's a big step for him. He's even responded to gay jokes without as much backlash. He was standing with me, and went to hug one our guy friends and another kid jokingly whispered, "Hey, that's pretty gay." He came back and hugged me at this point and the kid said, "that too." I am not out to this kid, yet my boyfriend says out loud for him to hear, "you're technically not wrong." It may not seem like a big deal I suppose, but it means a lot to me. I'm still very much attracted to him and I don't want to give up on him.
Hi Harvey Noises, That's great. I'm really pleased that he has started to adjust. I'm glad my advice was wrong because you don't need space from him or anything like that. Thanks for your reply and no sweat about the delay. I'm just glad things are going so well for you. All the best.
