I recently came out to my brother as "might be trans" and I explained to him that I don't feel 100% male but neither 100% female and I decided to get my facial hair removed, I want to take at least this step, stubbles suck very much to me, his answer was "you are dissociating from yourself, you can't accept yourself and you want to be another person" and "you have to accept your body instead of removing your beard or getting your penis cut" now, he indeed has a restricted view and I'll be sending to him a couple of links where he can read something about trans people, but some people detransition and recognize their experience as a dissociative disorder, I don't think I want to be another person, there is some dysphoria, expecially with expectations that are put up on me because of my biological sex, and I want to pass, not as 100% female but at least androgynous, maybe slitghtly more feminine, I would like my face to be more feminine and maybe my shoulders a little less wide, even tho they are not that wide for a male, and I would like to be a tad shorter (I'm 5'10 / 1,77 m) but at the same time it's true this in not only about my body I often think "if I was a girl this wouldn't have happened/I would be less anxious etc etc" and sometimes I envy a certain type of girls, mostly tomboys, some lesbians (I like girls) or ones that dress like I want to, and I suffered from severe depression a couple of times, not really doing well atm either.. how can you tell if you are dissociating? I do want to avoid transitioning because of stress, I know I could dress how I want if I was female but that's not a good reason for transitioning, I also crossdream a lot since I was 12 (I also started crossdressing at that age), which is the thing that confused me because I thought I was "ok with being just a femboy" as long as I'm cute... I find being a femboy, especially an androgynous one really cool... but I don't see the point of being a boy if I can't be a femboy and I don't want to grow up into a hairy (luckily I have few body hair because of genetics) deep voiced (probably not gonna happen either, looking at how my 29 yrs old brother sounds) man and I currently can't see a therapist either
You can try counselling if available, I think you may need to reed more about gender identity and sexual orientation this will help you understand more about yourself and what you think is more important to change or you may not need to change any you don't have to go for any major changes right now, besides if you think of transitioning your doctor won't give you any HRT anyway unless he/she are very sure this is what you want, and this usually takes long time to happen. speaking of my experience with stress my first few months of transitioning my stress level went low and i was happy, then later on dysphoria comes and go and the stress/depression whichever you name it is back again , and what this mean ? yes it can come back at least for me , the only thing i can do is to try to cope with it, because i have no control when it comes or when it leaves , so i know this might be something that i have to deal with it the rest of my life,i hope one day this can go away for good at the end for me transitioning is %100 better then not transitioning but everyone is different Why don't you try cross-dressing (full time) as starting point , go outside and see how you feel about it , try it day to day life as a female 24/7 , if you like it you can continue , it may takes you sometime but at the end you the only one will find the answer
I already read even too much... I spent weeks doing research, I just need to show him some of the stuff I've read I want to remove my beard because I don't like it, boy or girl, it has to go... I'm not even going under electrolisis, just laser, you can shave it and grow it back if you want to, I dislike the touch of it and I don't like it aestetically so it has to go, even some cis men remove it, I can't see why someone who identify as an androgyne can't... I wanted to start therapy but I can't tell my parents you're right, at the moment I can't, but I'll try it, even tho I think I'll be nervous about passing and using the right pronouns (my native language is italian and even adjectives are gendered so you have to gender yourself basically every time you talk) if I'll crossdress in public, I've ever been a bit nervous while crossdressing even around people who fully accepted it, I don't know why thanks for the tips!
