Sorry don’t know where to put this. Sorry I include I copied pasted some other bit from my previous posts, cant be assed to retype it. Im Bi/Pan im a crossdresser/drag. I feel like a girl and a boy and non all at the same time and separately at different times. I don’t know who or what i am when it comes to gender. Every since I was a child I have always felt like a women and a boy and sometimes non and it has never gone away. When I crossdress/drag it completes me as a women and when doing lightly as a guy I not as much as a women but still, but of more of effeminate guy. Im not out yet but soon in the next month when I see my sis & bro-law, I live at home so have to act super masc when around family, friends, but Im super fem and super masc time to time, but when im out, with my BF & his family or alone it’s the only time I can be my normal self super fem, I can easily pass as a women when Im out. Going sport where they know who I am and don’t care I can be myself. When I come out about my sexuality my sis is going to aspect me she will do anything for me, she will keep the secret of my sexuality from mum and dad if I ask. Im not sure about my mum and dad. The problem is I don’t think they could aspect my crossdressing/drag and gender ontop of my sexuality, I don’t think they could understand or accept it. They seem like they only just accept lgbt people but are very homophobic about. My BF mum has said when I come out and they take it badly I came stay with them, she say she thinks of me as a daughter and son already, but I don’t really want to lose my family even if they homophobic. When im at home I have to hide all my clothing, makeup, beauty products or my other side products. My mum/dad always say stuff about fags and fairys and about lgbt people, staring at them in street commenting, and it really starting to mentally effect me, she calls me fag a lot even tho shes doesn’t know my sexuality. I have mental health issues since i was a child and finding it really hard to just go back home every day. Ever since I was child if I had a splinter or something in my body that need to be removed I normal use a knife and dig it out. Know I finding ever so more I just digging out imagery objects or cut of moles or pick at skin with a knife. When doing my toenails I removed my whole nails without release and when it was bleeding and constantly doing it. I uses to love running now im running past points where im in constant pain (including chest)and injuring myself, I have injured my hip and leg so much lately Im finding it hard to walk, but keep doing it. I feel it hurts less. I cant tell anybody about this, nobody will understand and im not out, my BF knows abit when im in a mood or feel down and can normal bring me out of it but it doesn’t last. When he told me I look beautiful in new dress I brought, or when ever I go sport but if it really bad I get hurt I still feel that there. I don’t know what to do anymore. Mentally I feel fucked and so tired.
Is there some kind of GLBTQ Center in your area? I know in my area there is a Center and there are a lot of groups for folks of your sexuality in addition to gay and lesbian. And this center also has private, low cost, one on one counseling. I do not think what you are doing to yourself is so unusual that no one trained in mental health would understand. They will understand. I think the biggest danger is keeping this a secret because you could really, really injure yourself and end up in a hospital. Please find someone to talk to in person about this!!!
Has it says mental health I hope its all right to put this here. I would like to say yesterday I went to food festival in a city near me. And I conquered some of my ocd rituals then. I didn’t do rituals with looking for stains and holes and cotton hanging off my clothes I wear. And people I come into contact with. I had shandy and a greek wrap. And cinnamon bun and even talked to mind mental health charity with a stall there about my ocd. My anxiety at first was bad but came down after a few hours. And I feel really happy now today I have achieved not doing them rituals. I feel free a bit more.
You are right, this is about OCD and rituals, and it is always a good think doing something positive to deal with rituals. Also, a mental health professional can help with this. There are many, many LGBTQ MH professionals and LGBTQ friendly MH professionals. Many MH professionals became MH professionals because they really had to look inside themselves because of their sexual orientation, gender identity, etc.
I am getting help through a mental team I go see for cbt every two weeks. And the Richmond fellowship which is mental health charity is helping with training for work.
I dont know why but sometime when its really bad, really feel it, i do have an overwhelming urge to cut someting. but i try to control it/ ans havent done it. its just urge that i hate thinking about then but feel different about. it just miner harm i seem to be doing thought exercise and picking.
