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Am I ashamed of being gay?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mars25, Jul 19, 2017.

  1. Mars25

    Mars25 Guest

    I'm having a hard time accepting my self as gay. I don't have any gay friends; so here I am looking for help. 3 years ago I started to notice a big attraction to girls and found myself always fantasizing about intimacy with woman. However where I'm from, it's always the butt end to every joke and a life style that's not really accepted. I always dated guys in my dating life but when it came to kissing or hooking up, I was always little bit grossed out or just waiting for it to end. Also any break ups with guys it just never bothered me as much and always quickly moved on and over it. So once I ended my 5 year relationship with a guy who put my life in danger, I started to pursue woman. However the first person I came out to which was my best friend didn't take it well and stopped talking to me. But when I first hooked up with a woman, I felt alive and actually enjoyed myself and I could get lost in her and not once did I ever feel as if I was waiting for it to end. So after 10 months and telling a few close friends, I found myself a girlfriend for who I came out to my family because she doesn't deserve to feel hidden and she's truly great. However, our two year anniversary is coming up and I'm not publicly out on social media. I find that part of coming out publicly terrifying. I never post any pics of us on Snapchat, Facebook, or instagram but I wish I could and it really gets to me. I just don't want to be the butt end of anyone's joke. I know I shouldn't care what others think nor do I even talk to the people from high school who I'd see laughing at gay people back in the day but I am friends with them online. I feel like I'm ashamed of being me and I hate it. So any advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated. Has anyone else ever felt like this?
     
  2. Koizee

    Regular Member

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    Hello, sorry no one replied to you sooner, sometimes posts get lost in the forums :/
    What your feeling is very normal, especially in your area and situation.
    Though based on what I read It seems more like you are afraid of being gay rather than ashamed, or maybe you are feeling both? Once again this is extremely normal considering your basically cornered by social media and friends.
    I think you should find new friends, people who you know are open-minded and accepting and who will support you if you ever feel in danger.
     
  3. Moonsparkle

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    Think of it in the 'old days' before social media. You aren't talking to these people from high school, you're not close with them. Simply 'friends' with them on Facebook etc. If there was no social media now you wouldn't even be giving these people or their reactions a second thought. Social media isn't 'real life'. If you find it terrifying to post about your relationship, or if it brings up a lot of anxiety, I would say don't pressure yourself to do so or feel bad because you are hesitant to do it. The social media 'outing' is not for everyone! You have already come out to your family--have you come out to your real life friends and those who are meaningful in your 'real' world as well? If you haven't that might be a good place to start sharing this. Maybe later you will feel okay with posting on social media but it's not a 'required' thing, even though sometimes it can feel this way because it's such a force in our lives today.

    And BTW, congrats on your two year anniversary with your girlfriend!
     
  4. JaimeGaye

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    I have NEVER been ashamed about being gay or about being sub/fem but have had to deal with other people being ashamed or angry/hateful about me being sub/fem gay my whole life.
     
  5. I'm gay

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    I outed myself on social media a month ago for Pride. I received nothing but positive comments and a ton of positive reaction. While I can't guarantee that you'll have the same good reaction, I can suggest to you that your expectations of other people's reactions are not reality - it really is all in your head. Anyone who reacts negatively just unfriend and block. Done. I think you will be surprised at how supportive your social media friends really are.

    I am so glad I did it, and I can now feel completely free to be myself.

    Good luck! :gay_pride_flag: