I'm 26 and in a long term relationship with a kind and loving man and we have a kid together. The problem is that I strongly believe I am an lesbian and I just recently put all the pieces of the puzzle together. I told my partner as soon as I couldn't deny it for myself anymore and he took it as well as anyone who loves someone could. We're still together but I feel like something is missing. Anyone here with some insight, experience or just want to talk? I just need someone to talk to since I can't talk to anyone I know about this.
Howdy Mushaboom! It's great that you could openly share your realization with your s/o! You must trust each other very much. I'm glad he took it so well, and I have faith you'll be able to work things out. Best of luck!
Hi and welcome to EC! There are a lot of us here facing similar situations as yours so don't be afraid to reach out to us whenever you need too. This place is incredibly supportive and I hope we can help you on this journey.
Thank you. I'm still a bit disoriented on this site. I'm hoping this place can help me figure out things in a good way.
First you need to ask yourself if you still love him. Second you need to bring him into the conversation. Third you need to let him know its not because of something he did, because I'm sure he has a lot of anxiety now. Please keep us posted. Message me if you want. Oh congratulations on discovering yourself, it may seem stressful but you are making the right choice.
Thank you. I guess? I'll always love him, but maybe not in a romantic way. He's my best friend. I think this whole thing is confusing and scary. I'm really afraid of doing something wrong
Welcome to EC! I haven't been in a situation similar to that, so I'm afraid I don't have much to contribute, but I think that by telling him and joining EC that you are definitely taking a step in the right direction. I know when I first joined here it really helped me with understanding myself, I feel that it will most likely be the same for you.
You've done nothing wrong, you havent murdered anyone or stolen anything. This whole thing seems bad now, but put into context its not as bad as you think, nobody is sick, dead or in jail. Its gonna be tough and be prepared for a bit of resentment on his part, even the nicest guy in the world isnt immune to being heart-broken and a little bitter. He might feel betrayed and used, just please try to understand him, if this happens. He was in love and love can hurt. Bottom line is that you're not in trouble and nobody is the "bad guy" in this situation. You need to figure out your living situation and your child. How old is your child? Old enough to understand what a lesbian is? You need to be open and treat this as a family matter, keeping them involved will allow them to support you and help them understand you. Its better to do this now rather than later, at least you are young enough to find somebody else, could you imagine if you two spent 40 years together, at that age you might never find anyone again. At least you have told him now, so neither of you wasted time in an unfulfilling relationship.
T Thank you Good to hear that I'm in the right space with the right people. I think maybe this will be my main source for learning and sharing since you all have already been so kind to me.
You're right. I kind of know it, but still I feel guilt. I'm also scared. Me and my partner have been together since I was 17. I've never been with anyone else, so he is kind of all I know. He's safe. I feel like he's family.
@Mushaboom he can still be family, and should remain as a part of your life since you love him. There isnt a rulebook for this situation, you can write your own rules. You can even still live together and be a family, your child would just have two sets of parents instead of one.
@Mushaboom These are all valid feelings. It's ok to be scared and confused and to feel completely lost. Don't beat yourself up over this and I know that is easier said than done. It's going to be tough and some days will be easier than others, but no can invalidate the feelings and emotions you have. Those are all justified responses and learning to work through the constant thoughts is a process that won't happen overnight. It's ok. It will get better.
Th Thank you. I really appriciate the kind words. It's almost impossible for me to imagine my life without my partner. We're so strongly linked together with our kid, friends and family. Maybe the solution will come one day. I only want a happy family and is afraid I will ruin it.
Yeah. You're right. I feel like I might not have the opportunity to be free and live a 100 % true life in fear of hurting my partner and/or my son. Maybe I'll just have to live in the closet until my kid has grown up. This whole thing sucks.
Hi! I feel for you. How far have you gotten in your prosess? Have you found any good solutions on your problem?
Hi I havent got far at all apart from wanting it even more... the thought of telling him terrifies me
Hey welcome to EC. As the others have been saying you are definitely not alone. EC can seem a bit confusing an daunting when you first join but you will get used to it in no time.
I understand. I forced myself so hard to say it. It was terrifying. The words just didn't want to come out. I was just yelling it out to him in my head all the time. He noticed that something was bothering me and asked me. It took a while, but he waited patiently until the words came out. We both cried the whole afternoon and night. Now, over a month later, he kind of pretends nothing has happened, but I know he's thinking about it almost all the time. I do too. If you tell him, everything will change. I hope you make the right choise and that you find the best way for you to live your life.
