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Is My Best Friend Secretly Bi or Just Overly Affectionate?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by whynotmt21, Jul 22, 2017.

  1. whynotmt21

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am a straight early 20s female and my best friend is a straight late 20s female. She and I have been friends for about a year, but have really gotten closer within the last four months.

    We talk about our interests in men, what characteristics we are looking for, what we find attractive, and sometimes we will talk about this in great detail. She is ready to settle down and I'm not quite there yet. She is also a very outward loving person and compliments women quite frequently. I don't really think she likes me in that way, but she does the following things that make me wonder what she really thinks of me:

    - Intense eye contact after we hug. If we are in a room with a lot of people and she is talking to the group, she will frequently look at me even though the conversation is directed towards someone else. I really feel like she does look at me from afar sometimes.
    - Full body hugs that last 5 minutes or more. We are fully meshed together during these hugs. Her hands are usually on my back. Once they were near my waist.
    - One time I had been crying and we sat on the couch. She let me lean back into her arms and put her arms around my should. We then clasped hands and she put her face to my cheek.
    - On two different occasions she has kissed my cheek after a hug.
    - Tells me she loves me with her whole heart, more than I could ever know, says she will fight for me, be there for me in any way I need.
    - Knows the little things I like and remembers them after telling her once or twice. She will buy or talk about these things later on.
    - Has jokingly said "maybe we should get married" but then quickly reassured me she was kidding. Told me I was hot when I got really dressed up one night. Said I was sexy when I put on her sunglasses. She drops these words frequently.
    - Complimented my smile, humor, eyes, and skin tone. Once complimented my arm muscles which I don't feel like I have any.
    - Lets me stay over at her place and comforts me through hard times. I honestly think she would do anything for me.

    Ok. So that's all I can think of that she does. Like I said, she is affectionate toward people in general. She has only dated guys from what she has told me and these haven't really turned out well. I love her deeply but I just wonder what she is thinking. That's why I came here to see if anyone has advice or thoughts about her behavior. I think I have made a friend for life and want to keep it that way. Perhaps she just really loves me at a platonic level. What do you think?
     
    #1 whynotmt21, Jul 22, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2017
  2. JonSomebody

    Regular Member

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    In my opinion, I think she is bi. A lot of things you've mentioned about this woman's behavior towards you reminded me of someone who approached me in the same manner. The fact of the matter is that just like you, I did not want to jump to assuming something that may be just a behavior of a very touch feely individual and not the other way around. However, when this guy started coming on to me in some of the things that you have mentioned, I knew that there was something more and that my assumptions were correct. This guy was a partner of a globally known company, and older but very handsome guy who also was married with a family. This was something that I respected to the most and did not want to be involved. It seemed that the more platonic and kind reactions I would give him towards his advances which by the way, he always made sure that no one was around to see him or if I walked by the conference room or his office while he was in a meeting, he would stare at me until I noticed him and then he would glare at me in a sexual way and wink at me.

    OK...let me get back to you ...I could tell you some more about this guy...but I rather just stop while I'm ahead. So, I do think she likes you more than just a friend. However, a lot of her actions seemed to be played out in order to see what kind of response or reaction you would give in return. In her defense, she has to play along certain lines because she is not sure where you are coming from and don't want to ruin a friendship just in case you don't play for the other team so to speak. So, yes, I really think she is bi and on the down low about her sexuality that is until she gets concrete proof that their is a mutual interest amongst both parties. Sooner or later when she feels the time is right, she will let slip something more than what she has already to confirm your assumptions. For now though, she kind of feel that with everything she has done thus far, you still have not given her any clue or sign that it's a go. By the way, which I don't blame you for playing it safe on your end...let her do all the work if she really that interested in you. I hope I kind of help you a little...JS
     
  3. beenthrdonetht

    Full Member

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    Here is the conflict. It sounds like she doesn't want to keep it that (platonic) way. She wants it all. That's the way people are.

    If you want a friend for life, you will have to let her down easily. Or, go for it, and have a relationship that lasts.
     
    #3 beenthrdonetht, Jul 22, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2017